Was looking over our finances yesterday, and realized that for the first time since knowing my wife she’s actually making more money than me!
The more she makes, the less I need to! Haha… but also the more household income = the more opportunities for everyone too. So score 1 for the Mrs. ;)
And a pretty neat turn around from just a few years ago when she was at home with the kids and racking up degrees… Now I’m the stay-at-home parent watching as she climbs that corporate ladder! From a $50,000 entry-level job to a middle-tiered $80,000 one – just under three years! Rockin’ it!
So of course I’ve got nothing but love for it :) But I know that’s not always the case in situations like these, so I thought today we’d use this platform to share any experiences/tips/resources we might have for anyone who’s *struggling* with this shifting dynamic.
If you’re a breadwinning spouse, what’s been working well for you over the years?? What are some challenges you had to overcome – or are currently working towards overcoming?
(Feel free to share anonymously btw if it makes you more comfortable! Trying to be 100% productive up in here and not add any unnecessary drama to anyone’s lives :))
I don’t have much expertise or experience in this myself outside the little I just shared, but I do remember this book by Farnoosh Torabi making a splash a few years ago: When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women
Here’s a clip off her website:
When she brings home the bigger paycheck the rules are different. Female breadwinners face a much higher risk for burnout, infidelity, and divorce. In When She Makes More I present a bold strategy that not only addresses how income imbalances affect relationships and family dynamics, but also how a woman can best manage (and take advantage of) this unique circumstance—emotionally, socially, and financially.
As a member of this growing community, I wrote this book for myself, as well as for the millions of fellow top-earning women in the U.S. and around the globe. It’s the ultimate guidebook for any modern woman who wants to successfully navigate her money, career, family and relationship in the event that she earns more. And all without guilt, shame or fear.
[Looks like she also came out with a follow up/revised version of it a year later too: When She Makes More: The Truth About Navigating Love and Life for a New Generation of Women]
There’s also a fantastic list of *women bloggers* that was recently put out by WomenWhoMoney.com that might help –> Personal Finance Blogs by Women
Not sure which blogs specifically address being a breadwinner (maybe BitchesGetRiches.com?? Or am I totally making that up because they’re both BOSSES??? Haha…), but you’ll definitely find some great new reads to add to your collection :)
Conversely, being a breadwinning *man* in this society can also cause its own set of problems too… Not in the same ways, of course, but when you’re raised with the notion of having to provide for your family your whole life it’s bound to cause a little stress!
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have freak out sessions every now and then providing for my growing family over the years! Especially when we were popping out kids left and right and living solely off my blog income. Remember that period when we were BLEEDING CASH every single month?! Not pretty! Haha…
So I’d love to hear from both the women and the men out there to hopefully get some well rounded discussions going… Whether you’re on the side that’s making less, or on the one that’s making more in your relationship.
The more you’re comfortable adding the better so anyone who stumbles across this in the future can be helped as well. And remember – totally cool to go anonymously if it allows you to divulge more and/or ask more specific and personal questions!!
I guarantee you’re not the only one going through it!
UPDATE: Here’s another great resource from our friend Josh: “Chief Mom Officer blog has a treasure trove of content for Breadwinning, Six-Figure, Millionaire Moms, and she won the Plutus Award for Best Family blog in 2018: https://chiefmomofficer.org/breadwinning-six-figure-millionaire-moms/“