Time for another dumping of all the secrets I hear people say!!
It really is amazing the variety of discussions going on every day at coffee shops, from people talking about God to alpacas to book clubs, bikinis, mustaches, pajamas, EpiPens, fertility, mackerels, nap taking, and even the relevance of Michael Bublé, haha…
All of which is featured in today’s post – woo!
And which also I dedicate to all my deaf friends reading this right now who’ve told me how much they enjoy these posts :) Hadn’t thought about it much before, but now every time I jot one of these one-liners down I get even more excited to share them later knowing they help fill in the blanks for ’em…
Here’s one of the latest notes I received that completely made my day:
I have to say, thanks for posting these. As a Deaf person, I don’t hear these kinds of conversations and there are moments I wish I could hear. I find them fascinating!
When I see people engaged in conversation and emotions are ramped up, it makes me curious. Sometimes I can figure out partial things with lip reading but that requires intense concentration and staring. More and more people don’t look at each other, they look around and I’m easily ‘caught’ if I’m trying to figure out what they are talking about.
I’ve tried downloading dictation apps just to ‘hear’ what people talk about at random times – grocery stores, at the Apple Store waiting for my turn, gas stations, long lines of some grand opening, campgrounds – but none of the apps really work. :-/
Looking forward to the next installment!
And with that, here is the next installment!
Round 5 of all the things I’ve overheard working out of coffee shops lately
(Which in itself is worth the price of the overpriced coffee!)
“Naps… That’s how Napoleon won the wars.”
Haha… Google didn’t prove otherwise! “Napoleon could sleep like a baby right before battle and even when cannons were booming nearby.”
“There is no such thing as a $6.00 bill… But there is a $5 Billion dollar bill!”
Said by a 10 year old :)
“Ohio in Japanese means “good morning””
TRUTH! Though it’s spelled “Ohayō”.
“You should write a book about your book club, and then talk about it at the book club.”
That would be fun!
“The new currency is mackerels. Like the fish. It used to be cigarettes, but they’re now on a health kick”
A mother giving her friend an update about her incarcerated daughter.
“I used to pray but I stopped… I’m 82 years old now and God knows I’m a good boy.”
“Remember that time I took you to that Alpaca farm?”
Fun fact: Alpacas actually come in 22 different colors, ranging from black to tan to white! And there’s also no such thing as wild alpacas as they’re all domesticated versions of vicuñas…
“We had to build a separate apartment for our cats because my wife was allergic… they have everything they need in there – big windows, electric blankets, you name it.”
“I’m one of those people that if you give me 8 hours to do something, it’ll take 8 hours for me to do it. But if you only give me 1 hour, then it will only take me 1 hour!”
Yup! That’s “Parkinson’s law” for ya! The idea that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion” – something we’re all prone too…
“Great balls of fire! What are you doing over here?”
Only funny because it was said by an 80 year old yelling to his wife :)
“I always try to wear clothes that feel like pajamas.”
I tweeted this out the second I heard it and it got over 2,300 likes within hours, haha…
“I’m waiting for this guy to show up to interview me, but I was a little late and I think I might have missed him… I don’t think I’m going to take the job anyways as he’s a bit unorganized.”
“Going to my first bachelor party in 35 years… The guy is 57 years old and asked us all to bring a 6 pack of Bud and some lottery scratchers.”
Hahahha… my type of party!
“Someone kept talking about a Michael Bublé… I’ve never heard of the guy – who’s Michael Bublé?”
He’s the guy everyone used to call Michael Bubble until he got popular enough :)
He’s also got some mad dance moves:
“I always wear a suit and tie when I have important stuff to do. I like it when people call me “Sir.””
It does give you more confidence for some reason!
“Gotta go pick up this EpiPen for my daughter… used to be $100 and now it’s $600 due to that Shkreli who’s now in jail. Thank God.”
Person #1: “Found me a dime!”
Person #2: “Remember when you could make a phone call with that?”
Nope! But I remember when you could make calls for a quarter! And aspiring savers would search all the payphone slots looking for forgotten coins to add to their piggy banks ;)
“You’re not fully dressed until you wear a mustache.”
One hipster talking to another hipster (without a mustache).
“I yell at you because I love you and have to tell you the truth.”
I tried to hear what this “truth” was, but sadly the person got up to walk away – the nerve!
“53 years ago, before you were born, we got married.”
A grandpa talking to some whipper snappers.
30-something dude: “so I’m hooking up with this 21 year old chick”
30-something dude’s female coworker: “I hope I never get divorced and have to go back to dating again…”
This is the stuff I do miss at 9-5s… all that camaraderie between colleagues, even the dumb stuff!
“I’m very fertile… I have to be careful”
A mom to her mom group, where everyone else nods too as they feed their nursing babies ;)
“The average podcast listener listens to 7 different podcasts”
Is that true? How many do you listen to?
“I gave my kids $10,000 to do a cruise trip together”
What a gift! And experience!
Woman #1: “I will never wear a bikini – ever.”
Woman #2: “But you did the other year? And you looked amazing!
Woman #1: “No I did not”
Woman #2: “Yes you did!”
Woman #1: “No I did not. I would never.”
Woman #2: “But you did!!!”
Woman #1: “But I didn’t! No one should ever see what’s going on around there!” – Points to her stomach…”
The world will never know the truth… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“My birthday is the same as Martin Luther King’s. And I got married on the same day he got killed.”
And lastly… “Never show the audience that you are lost. Smile! I learned this when giving a speech to 16,000 soldiers and had no idea what I was doing… The longer I stood there doing nothing but smiling, the more others started smiling back at me, eventually erupting into laughter long enough for me to gather my thoughts and give my impromptu speech. One of the best moment of my life.”
Said by an 82 year old war vet, grinning ear to ear the whole time ;) And an excellent reminder of the power of a smile!!
Hope you enjoyed these!
Back tomorrow with more shenanigans, I’m sure…
For past articles in the series:
- #Overheard At The Coffee Shop: Volume IV
- #Overheard At The Coffee Shop: Volume III
- #Overheard At The Coffee Shop: Volume II
- #Overheard At The Coffee Shop: Volume I