Girls Care About Money, Guys Care About Looks. Here’s Why Girls Get Screwed On Dating Sites.

Today’s article by Kathryn C. of MSCheatSheet.com talks about how there are some definite issues with dating sites and why they certainly are worse for women. Find out why and what we think they should do about it here.

If I had to choose between two guys: one who makes $250,000 per year and was just “ok” looking, and the other who makes around $60,000 per year but was “hot”, I’d choose the guy with the cash.

I know…. I’m so superficial right? This is the truth though according to a few researchers from University of Chicago and MIT who did a study to find out what factors drive communication between men and women. They recorded activity from 23,000 online daters during a three and a half month period and found that:

“For men there is no amount of income that the woman in the bottom ten percent in terms of appearance can earn to make men prefer her over women in the top 10 percent. That is, looks really matter to men relative to income. For women though, if the man in the bottom ten percent in terms of looks earns more than $248,500, they will prefer him over the more attractive guy earning $60,000.”

I can appreciate these observations, but it’s now clear that girls are getting hosed when it comes to this online dating stuff.

Why Girls Are Getting Hosed

For those of you who’ve never been on these sites (or at least tell people you haven’t), there’s usually a place for guys to enter their income on their dating profile, it looks like this on match.com:

match income profile
So now we know this guy’s an English speaking liberal dancer who loves dogs, awesome. But, you can see what the problem is right? A ton of guys don’t fill in the “income” field.

Ok fine, maybe he left it blank because he’s modest or temporarily unemployed, or maybe he works for a non-profit. Whatever the case is, girls are left making a lot of assumptions about a guy’s career since a lot of them don’t indicate how much money they make.

Guys have it made because we know that nearly every girl puts her picture up (my guy friends have confirmed this for me). They say if a girl doesn’t put a picture up, it’s a huge red flag. Guys have the benefit of just taking a quick look at a picture of a girl and deciding instantly if he’s interested in her by comparing her picture to the other pictures he’s seen that day.

Here’s one of the main issues with dating sites: we now know based on that study that if a guy makes over $250,000, a girl is most likely going to be more interested in him than a guy who makes a lot less, but is hotter. So how are we really supposed to compare apples to apples if some guys tell us how much money they make and others don’t?

Calgon take me away, something needs to be fixed!

Relative Comparisons Drive Our Decisions

“We don’t have an internal value meter that tells us how much things are worth. Rather, we focus on the relative advantage of one thing over another, and estimate the value accordingly.” – Dan Ariely

When we’re deciding between a few things, whether it’s what to have for dinner, what to buy, or where to go on vacation, we rely on making relative comparisons because we don’t know what we want unless we have something else to compare it to. Have you ever ordered dessert with out asking what all the choices are or looking at the dessert menu? Maybe you want chocolate cake, but you always want to know what your other options are so you can compare the chocolate cake you think you want to a potentially better dessert?

We make comparisons in order to help us make decisions for the same reason we stereotype people: it’s a short cut for our brain when we don’t want to think too hard about something.

Look at this example from Dan Ariely’s book Predictably Irrational:

If you’re interested in subscribing to The Economist, which one of these subscriptions would you choose?

  1. Economist.com subscription for 1 year- US $59.00
  2. Print subscription – US $125.00
  3. Print & web subscription – US $125.00

Out of 100 students, 84 chose the 3rd option, 16 chose the 1st option, and ZERO chose the second option. The marketing folks at The Economist who work on the pricing for subscriptions know exactly what they’re doing – getting you to focus on a relative comparison will drive you to the subscription they want you to buy, the 3rd, which is coincidentally the most expensive option. Doy.

When Dan removed the 2nd option, 68 of his students chose the 1st option, the internet only at $59, and only 32 chose the 3rd option, internet and print at $125. Eliminating the 2nd option makes it hard for buyers to make a relative comparison with the 1st and the 3rd options because they’re not that comparable.

It’s harder to make a decision unless we see it in context relative to another comparable option. The marketers at The Economist slipped in the print only option (at $125) to make the print & web subscription look more appealing (also at $125). They don’t know if you want online or print, but if you want both, the $125 for both doesn’t look so bad because you now feel like you’re getting the web part for free.

The Solution to the ‘Missing Income Information” Issue With Dating Sites

I already know I’m not going get any dates after I post this since guys will think I’m a gold digger, so I might as well tell you my genius solution since I’ve gone this far.

Let’s agree that based on this study, we know that past a certain threshold, $250,000, girls care less about looks and more about money, and, there’s no amount of money a girl could make that would make a guy prefer her if she was in the bottom 10 percent in terms of looks. Girls will trade out looks for money at a certain point whereas guys never will.

If we’re playing tit for tat, guys leaving the income field blank is the same (in terms of importance of information) as girls not having a picture up, right? So unless more guys start to fill in the income information, the inconsistency and lack of income data screws up any relative comparisons we’re trying to make. Guys don’t have this disadvantage because nearly all girls put pictures up!

The Solution? To solve these issues with dating sites, the dating sites should require that guys say how much money they make so girls a can make relative comparisons just like guys do with our pictures.

Please forward this to anyone you know who works at an online dating company. And thank you for supporting my mission.

———-
Kathryn plows through any news that impacts your money and makes sense of it. Her site, MSCheatSheet.com, is dedicated to non-finance people because finance people are annoying. She has worked in the asset management industry for 13 years and has factual data to back up her claim.

Photo credit: seanmcgrath

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91 Comments

  1. Pauline October 11, 2012 at 6:32 AM

    I totally agree with you, this is unfair! But you can still make an educated guess if the guy is working as a lawyer, doctor or startup anything in San Francisco… I never used match but on another site you can see if the guy lives alone, has roommates, owns a car or a bike, and keep narrowing your income bracket, unless he just racked up debt for the past 10 years. “let’s have our first date at Taco Bell?” can also help :)

    Reply
    1. AK August 20, 2015 at 12:33 PM

      No it’s not. Stop using men for money, it’s pathetic and invalidates everything women say about being equal if you need to parasite off someone else.

      Reply
      1. Robert November 17, 2015 at 2:15 PM

        Totally. I was on a first date from an online dating site awhile back where *gasp* I let the girl pay for her own $3 iced coffee, in part because I was annoyed that she was both late and had posted much older pictures.

        I got a text message lecture later about how I should have paid because it “makes her feel like a lady.”

        Give me a break, every time a woman manipulates a guy (particularly one she barely knows) into buying her something in exchange for her time/affection, it sets women’s equality back just a little further.

        Don’t tell me to respect you as a capable equal, and then demand that I help you financially before we’ve even exchanged five sentences in person.

        Reply
        1. PJ October 2, 2017 at 10:46 AM

          And every time a guy manipulates a women just for sex and is only concerned with looks it sets men back years.

          Reply
          1. Charles November 5, 2017 at 5:52 PM

            So you are saying that having sex is equal to buying a cup of coffee?

            Reply
          2. Bob November 19, 2017 at 1:32 PM

            “Just for sex” implies the woman isn’t also a participant in said sex that she’s “manipulated” into having, and that women don’t also like sex, which they clearly do.

            Reply
  2. Lance @ Money Life and More October 11, 2012 at 7:18 AM

    As a guy this would be a complete turn off. Thanks for telling all guys to not put their income up! Maybe you should quit putting your picture up if it is that important and agree to switch a picture for their W-2/tax return?

    I wouldn’t be upset if the woman made as much or had a career path that allowed them to make a good income but if you’re just looking to be financially supported good luck! There are guys who will do that no problem but I’m not one of them. Luckily I have a girlfriend!

    Reply
  3. Budget & the Beach October 11, 2012 at 7:31 AM

    From my own experience I disagree. I don’t care if a guy puts his income. If they don’t have a pic though, I’m not interested. Not because I’m just interested in looks either, but a person who puts their pic up seems more invested in meeting someone. I also “judge” if I’m interested based on what they write in their profile, and how they correspond with me, meaning if a guy writes, “ur cute, we should meet 2day” or something of that nature, good riddance.

    Reply
  4. Glen @ Monster Piggy Bank October 11, 2012 at 8:06 AM

    I’ve never used a dating website,but I know plenty of people that do, and they all say that if the person doesn’t have a photo attached to their profile, they don’t even bother looking any further.

    Reply
  5. William @ Drop Dead Money October 11, 2012 at 8:19 AM

    Interesting thought but there’s more to it, I suspect. Like in the Economist print example, a guy posting his income without a picture isn’t going to cut it. Gals look at both, don’t kid yourself. So, guys need to post a picture AND an income… and it’s the girl getting hosed?

    The truth is both are getting hosed in some way or another, but that’s true in real life too. In everything, you have to take a chance, because we all have imperfect information to start off with. The key is trying to keep it short and learn as much as you can as quickly as you can. It’s true in investing, as well as dating, getting a new job, moving to a different place and a host of changes we make to (hopefully) improve our lives.

    Reply
  6. SMB October 11, 2012 at 8:50 AM

    I’m sure statistically this is right, but I had a different experience. I was only interested in guys who posted a picture, because you honestly have no idea what you’re going to get if they don’t. I usually took the income category with a grain of salt, assuming people would exaggerate it. What perked my interest in the guy I’m with was that he was a teacher. I knew that meant his income wasn’t going to be great, but hey, personality and interests matter more to me. And I believe online dating does work – I only went on one date and we’re still together over two years later.

    Reply
    1. Champ September 25, 2016 at 11:51 AM

      You are a real woman

      Reply
  7. Matthew October 11, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    Then I think it’s fair to say that guys get hosed on the pictures. How many times do guys meet girls only to find that the picture they posted was 10+ years old, taken from a flattering angle, or simply not a picture of the actual girl? Based on the author’s solution, that would mean that it should be okay for men to lie about their income on those dating site.

    Reply
  8. Eddie October 11, 2012 at 9:16 AM

    I’d like to start off by saying: Great post and well defined on your point. However, I disagree that women are getting screwed. Why does one’s income even matter? I thought mostly everyone want’s a good person, easygoing, attractive etc….so if he’s a plumber and earning $60k AND HAPPY, why does it matter that he need to earn $150k? Unless you can offer the same $150k income (and by you I mean it in general terms), don’t look for it!

    That’s why doctors/lawyers/VPs only date within their social status for the most part.

    Ask only for what you can give. This is where a lot of guys sometimes get it wrong from a physical standpoint. If you’re average looking, look for average looking.

    Personally I don’t care for one’s income level, as long as they’re happy doing what they do. Certainly nobody enjoys dating anyone married to their job or someone who’s always cheesed due to the stress of their job.

    Reply
    1. Devon November 19, 2020 at 11:50 AM

      This writer is falsely assuming guys care only about looks and women only care about money but it is more men care about looks and personality but women care about looks,money,height,personality ECT. A lot of women have way more standards when it comes to dating than men

      Reply
  9. Paul October 11, 2012 at 9:24 AM

    What is this garbage of an article? Big time FAIL J Money for allowing this to be posted….

    Reply
  10. David@SkepticFinance October 11, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    I never thought about this, as a guy I wouldn’t have thought it necessary to include my income (I never used dating sites) but I would also have never considered girls without a picture. Is this idea politically correct? No. But it’s reality.

    Reply
  11. MakinSense Babe October 11, 2012 at 9:36 AM

    @Matthew, agree 100% great point.

    @SkepticFinance, that’s the point, for some reason it’s not politically incorrect to basically require a girl to put her picture up (lets be honest you don’t take anyone seriously who doesn’t) but it IS politically incorrect to require a guy to put down his income level.

    In the long run, looks and money obvs aren’t the driving factor in a happy relationship unless you’re a goober, but the study shows how guys and girls behave based on these superficial things, so it’s only fair to encourage guys putting income down.

    Reply
  12. Jen2 October 11, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    The picture thing is funny because you feel pressured to put up a good picture of yourself or people won’t bother looking at you and your profile, but then you run the risk of someone being dissappointed by your looks (and in my experience, telling you so).

    The rules of dating and being civil have changed with on-line dating. Luckily for me, I am happily married to a man that I did not meet on a dating site. I did do on-line dating when I was single though I felt that all the fields and the pictures people use are very deceiving. I included pictures in my profile that were less attractive, but involved activities I like, but apparently he didn’t see them.

    My husband finds me very attractive but I had one date tell me I didn’t meet his expectations from my pictures. He agreed that I look like exactly like them, but he thought they were the best of me and apparently that is not truth in advertising. I didn’t find him attractive either because he was rude, but also because of his maneurisms. It didn’t matter how much he made.

    I don’t think all women look at money equal to how men look at looks. I think men weigh looks much more than women weigh money. Actually, I think men only look at looks on dating websites, but I don’t think that women would date someone based only on their income. That’s probably a little pessimistic. I’m sure there are plenty of men who read the profiles, but I think that they would probably date someone they didn’t think they would like personality-wise if they were a 8-10. Someone they might find attractive in person though often does not even warrant a glance at the profile if the pictures aren’t the most attractive.

    Reply
  13. CP October 11, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    It’s a well thought argument, but I disagree. Looks are subjective, income is not. Men have different definitions of “attractive,” though obviously some women are knockouts in almost every man’s eyes. Also, the idea that women don’t care as much about looks is deceiving at best, because let’s be honest, everyone cares about looks; especially in the meat market environment of online dating.

    I think guy’s are the ones that get screwed in dating websites, and it’s probably our own fault. Why? Because I’m sure every half-decent-looking girl has to sift through a bunch of BS messages from guys before they read one decent message that’s worthy of a reply. Unfortunately, the decent message probably won’t get a reply either apparently, if no income is listed.

    Reply
  14. R. L. Youssef October 11, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    This is an interesting read. My question is that if income is required to post, who is to say men will be honest about it, anyhow? Also, some men may prefer to not be judged by their financial status if they don’t want a lady who is going to bleed their pockets dry, so why force them into disclosing?

    Reply
  15. Money Beagle October 11, 2012 at 12:11 PM

    All this shows is that girls are just as superficial as guys are always accused of being, just about different things. Luckily, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with online dating sites, but it doesn’t sound like things have been made any easier.

    Reply
  16. Alice @ EarningMyTwoCents October 11, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    Interesting theories here, but I think that the way people behave on the internet or when asked to compare looks and money will be different than they behave in person. If asked to compare people in person you weigh many more factors than thir specs online. Here, personality and compatability (the main relationship factors) come into play. I think that the study reflect’s women’s interest in stability and responsibility as reflected in a good income, which I would agree most women (and men too) would be looking for. But I agree about the comparison shopping. Dating sites seem to me to be like grocery stores, full of comparisons merely because the information on alternatives is. To illustrate, you wouldn’t ask to read the ingredient list and compare the nutrition facts of a dish at a restaurant and instead would savor it. But at a grocery store you review not only the packaging but the nutrition facts and prices of all comparable foods.

    Reply
  17. MakinSense Babe October 11, 2012 at 1:26 PM

    @MoneyBeagle 14 gold stars for you. You nailed my point.

    @Alice I would be curious to learn more about the women they included in this study. Like if some of the women make their own (good) money, do they still make the decisions based on income like the study says. I would bet no. At the end of the day, women are looking for a clown ninja, someone who entertains them and makes them feel safe. How women feel “safe” is left open for discussion.

    Reply
  18. Josh D. October 11, 2012 at 2:07 PM

    You could just go out with the guy and then ask him at the start of the date how much he makes. See how well he responds to that… :-)

    Reply
  19. Abigail October 11, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    Um, what about guys who don’t state their income BECAUSE they don’t want a woman who’s so interested in their money?

    Via dating sites, I met a couple of guys who were pretty darn comfortable financially. But they didn’t mention it when we emailed back and forth, and it took me a few dates to figure out that they didn’t just overspend on clothes — they had the money to back it up.

    And, yes, they’d hardly be the majority of non-income-listing guys, but they do exist.

    Also, I’m with the other gals on here: I care more about a picture than stated income. You can find out that detail as you find out if you even like the guy. For me, it was just a case of wanting a guy who could get and keep a job. And let’s not forget that you can’t tell “keep” from income levels.

    By the way, to all the guys who snort and think “Hey, so we’re even!”… there are PLENTY of guys who don’t post accurate photos. Trust me.

    Oh and for the record, I met my husband on Craigslist. Weird, but true.

    Reply
  20. pd October 11, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    As a 20-something woman living in a big city and doing the whole online dating on a free site, I’ve seen just about everything.
    I’d have to say a guy’s picture is going to tell me a lot more about him than his income will. Does he know how to dress himself, how does he behave hanging out w/ his friends/family, is he flashy, etc. If I find myself cringing just looking at his picture, I don’t care how high his income is, it’ll never work.
    As for the average/better-looking guys that do list their income, I take it with a grain of salt. Of course there are those attractive guys who tell you they dropped out of high school and make 15-20k/yr. Again, “thanks for being honest”, but never going to work. I try to atleast give the average looking guys that leave it blank a chance.
    My opinion… if you’re an average looking guy who graduated college and currently employed… it’s ok to leave income blank. just make sure the girls know you’re working.

    Reply
  21. Jacob @ iheartbudgets October 11, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    Here’s the solution: Women concerned with income should be able to filter out any man who doesn’t put up his income, as well, men should be able to filter out anyone who doesn’t put up a picture. Problem solved. Men just need to know that if they fill in that field, they WILL get him up by more gold diggers. ;)

    Reply
  22. RichUncle EL October 11, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    Great post, But I still dont think you fully convinced guys to give up their income amount, because then we can keep a low radar from money hungry people. You would have more success telling all the girls you know to remove their pictures from the sites, and only to release it after guys release their income figures.

    Reply
  23. LB @ Finanical Black Sheep October 11, 2012 at 5:26 PM

    Wow, so what you are saying is people truly are superficial and base facts on first impressions? Probably not your point, but what I got out of the story. I don’t use dating sites, because I have been married 7 years, so I have nothing to compare this to.

    (Hey look women do compare things lol). I am probably just talking to myself as my humor seems to be lost on people who don’t understand things beyond what is in front of them, but hey whatever, sometimes I just like to “hear myself talk” and make jokes to make myself laugh.

    My real point is that is seems as though, even in this day and age, many people use their first impression to make judgement on other people. I for one did not understand that, because of all of the schooling and sensitivity classes I have taken. That is until today, when my instructor is making us write a 4 page research paper (due tomorrow) on first impressions and how someone is judged BAD because of simple first impressions.

    Reply
  24. Bryan October 11, 2012 at 8:37 PM

    I think it’s worth noting that, in the study, women are not just choosing “okay” looking guys over great-looking guys if the men make enough money. The study goes specifically states guys in the bottom ten percent of looks can be chosen if they make enough money.

    So, not to be too critical, but you’ve set up a false binary from the get-go (that does sound very critical, but, for whatever one asinine comment on the internet is worth, I agree with your overall evaluation). As a guy (a happily married guy who is only speaking hypothetically), if I had to choose between a great-looking woman who made a little money and an okay-looking woman who made a bunch of money, I’d pretty happily go with the okay-looking woman. However, if the choice was between the beautiful poor-ish woman and the bottom-ten-percent-er (which, I guess, reads to me as somebody I [and most people] find actively unattractive/very ugly), I agree, I’d probably go for the attractive woman.

    All I’m saying is that the stakes (beautiful vs. ugly) are higher than have been laid out here (beautiful vs. average).

    Reply
  25. J. Money October 12, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    Haha… I love reading all these comments ;) Thanks again for giving us something juicy to think about, MakinSense Babe! Always a fan of fresh (and juicy!) articles… Def. looking forward to more of your crazy videos too :)

    Reply
  26. Dennis October 13, 2012 at 9:08 AM

    I agree with Paul.
    This is why men dont post thier income, because they want woman to be into them for
    the person they are and not the materials they posses. If a woman skips my profile
    because she doesnt know my income, then good for me. That is not the person I
    want to date. Guys, beware for these kinds of woman. DO NOT SHOW YOUR
    INCOME!

    Reply
  27. Julie October 14, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    Given two choices, I will always pick the less-attractive guy who makes more money. Good looking guys tend to have huge egos and I don’t have a big enough car to carry around a big ego.

    Reply
  28. michelle October 15, 2012 at 8:08 PM

    I don’t read anything into a guy not posting his income. I won’t post mine. I don’t even think that’s an appropriate question for the 1st (or 10th) date, so why would I expect to know it upfront? I do occasionally rule guys out based on their income. Mostly because I don’t think a relationship where I make 3x more than the guy I’m with is likely to be successful. I make exceptions for guys that are trying to save the world :)

    Reply
  29. Evan October 16, 2012 at 10:47 AM

    I only read about half the comments but anyone that believes:

    “If I had to choose between two guys: one who makes $250,000 per year and was just “ok” looking, and the other who makes around $60,000 per year but was “hot”, I’d choose the guy with the cash”

    Is not true of 92% of women on an online dating site is absolutely nutty…just like any woman who believes that if the picture of you is in a pink moo-moo doesn’t matter because they’ll read the description and see you are a saint is nutty

    THANK YOU FOR BEING HONEST

    Reply
  30. Bret @ Hope to Prosper October 22, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    I have been married for decades and have never used a dating service.

    My question is: Why in the world would any guy post his income online?

    If he makes a lot of money (or lies), he is going to attract gold diggers and social climbers. If he doesn’t make a lot of money (and is honest), he is going to get weeded out by most of the women on the site. It seems like a lose / lose situation to me.

    If a man has a job and his picture is acceptable, that should be enough information for a first date. Incomes should be discussed at a more appropriate time in a relationship.

    Reply
  31. MakinSense Babe October 24, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    For those of you guys who think that if you post your income, that you’re only going to attract “gold diggers”, news flash, women make $$ too.

    You’re living in the 1950’s if you think that the ONLY thing that attracts women to you is your $$. This study shows that $$ is a, (as in “one”) factor, but not the “only” factor if she decides she is going to pick you.

    Reply
  32. Brad December 20, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    Seriously? No wonder why there are so many divorces these days. That is extremely shallow of women. Unreal. I don’t list an income level and I still get bombarded with emails and go out on many dates. There are quite a few girls who don’t care about money…the rest I avoid like the plague.

    I am usually vague about what I do for work. The income range could vary with what I do, although I am sure some judge and stop emailing. I would rather find out earlier and RUN.

    I make in the 65k range, which is not a real lot. That doesn’t factor in that my family owns multiple businesses that I am being groomed to take them over. I typically avoid dating local girls, as my last name is a dead giveaway. When I meet girls online further out, I can hide it for a while until I can tell money is not a concern and I can be more open about it. It’s a fine line of being secretive.

    I will have a very comfortable life. I have 0 credit card, studen loan or car loan debt, and a beautiful newly built home, nice vehicle etc all on 65k. Probably not what the average person making 65k has, and someday, I will have another digit in my salary and a few more digits in my net worth. Ironically, I live below my means so you could never tell. It helps me weed out the Shallow women. It works.

    If a girl emails me because for whatever reason, and limits herself because I left my income alone, that’s her loss…and I am glad she moved on.

    Reply
  33. shelley February 26, 2013 at 6:00 PM

    it’s this pointless society of shallow sex – crazed Neanderthals that’s made me want to stay single! with morons that care only about stupid things, it’s a wonder I’m not regretting being paired up!

    Reply
  34. Sammy July 8, 2013 at 8:10 PM

    The woman writing this article is speaking for herself. This is when its okay to call a girl a whore.

    Reply
  35. Daniel September 16, 2013 at 2:57 AM

    I think that women who need to see how much a guy makes before she will give him a chance is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard. And besides. Men have it the right way. If there was no money. What would women look for then? If women weren’t so superficial and Gold digging, they would find better men and live happier lives. Men go for looks because it is a natural instinct to find a visual match that visually set odd genetic markers saying, Yes that female is a compatible match.

    Reply
  36. TM October 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM

    This is not unfair, this is called self entitled bullshit.

    First of all, guys don’t want you to like them for their money. And that is a perfectly valid approach, just as you wouldn’t want to be loved for money either. Clearly, if it takes $250k to offset a good looking guy at $60k, looks are pretty bloody important to women too, and this is more a matter of degree than absolute differences – so let’s not have the pot call the kettle black – both men and women judge on appearances and neither wants to be used as a cashier.

    Which brings me to my second, far more important point. There is absolutely NOTHING unfair about a guy omitting his income information – because guess what, women not only omitt that information too, but furthermore, THEY TOO DEMAND PICTURES! It is not just men who regard a lack of pictures as a red flag – women do too! And looks are clearly still the most important factor for both sexes (Otherwise it wouldn’t take $250k to offset $60k).

    This is actually called equality – men and women both get to see pictures, and generally dont want to see profiles without pictures. Both men and women dont want to be loved for money, and prefer to omitt earnings information. Perfectly equal approach.

    It is very telling of the self entitlement complex of women that the author sees this situation as somehow ‘screwing over’ women, especially when that screwing over is in relation to their self aggrandizement goals. What’s more, people omit that information for a reason – nobody likes gold diggers. Why should men be forced to co-opt into yet another self serving female scheme? Bitch, get your own high paying job!

    Reply
  37. Bree February 28, 2014 at 3:03 PM

    Dumb, sexist article. As a woman, I’d be waaaaay more interested in the HOT guy making 60k over the so-so guy making more. In fact, I don’t care what a guy makes as long as he’s attractive and turns me on. What’s wrong with that? We’re constantly told that men only care about women’s looks and youth. I think as women continue to gain more earning power, men will have to be more concerned with their own appearance as well. The shirtless selfie trend is evidence of this happening already.

    Reply
  38. Incel2k March 19, 2014 at 1:02 AM

    Utter nonsense…I posted a profile, with pic on a dating site. I even STATED I make top income, listed my business management, so on so forth. But women were STILL going for unemployed alcoholics and drugged up guys.

    This article is why I deter from dating websites. And I MUST agree with Bree above.

    Reply
  39. kofybean June 1, 2014 at 2:51 AM

    A) women filter men by height, not income. All dating sites require a height listed. So short men don’t even get viewed and ignored.
    B) if they require men to put income they should require women to put their income as well.
    C) pictures work both ways.
    D) they should require women to put their weight or measurements since Average and curvy seem to mean fat nowadays.

    All in all, online dating is easier for women, harder for short men.

    Reply
  40. dave bowen August 27, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    It all proves only one thing,as far as i am concerned. Women can insist all they want that they do not want a man to “take care of them’ But the bottom line is all they care about is the size of his bank account,and how much he can spend on them. Women are mercenary as hell,and could not care at all about what is in a mans heart,and most of them refuse to take the time to find out. And,beware fellas,all those things she finds endearing,cute,and appealing in you when you are just dating,will become repulsive to her once the relationship gets serious. Then she will insist on making you over into HER image of what you should be.

    Reply
  41. Truth October 5, 2014 at 7:46 PM

    Most women nowadays want a man with money since they’re Very High Maintenance, and they will never settle for less.

    Reply
  42. AfluentWoman November 2, 2014 at 2:33 PM

    I look at a man’s income, NOT because I am a gold digger but to see if he can keep up. I have been told by men that I am quite attractive and I make a lot of money. I travel a lot and love high end restaurants. When I look at a man’s income I am not interested in whether he can pay my way but whether he can pay HIS OWN FREIGHT. It is amusing to me that the assumption is that women are looking to be taken care of when we are now surpassing men in professional degrees and in many cases are the primary earner in the home. So for me if I a guy is broke I am not interested because I feel he will cramp my style. The male ego is fragile and men don’t hold up well as house husbands. They haven’t been socialized that way. It seems a lot of these comments are from young people who haven’t amassed any wealth yet. Be real about money folks cuz it is the #1 cause of divorce.

    Reply
    1. J. Money November 3, 2014 at 2:46 PM

      Work it, girl ;)

      Reply
  43. SeaBass January 7, 2015 at 5:59 PM

    I just make it completely about the money. Marriage for buying power, see who you want. Your down, you meet the wealth/capital/temperament requirements. Lets do it! A chick leaves her credit rating in an email, THATS got my attention.

    Reply
  44. x1z May 10, 2015 at 12:03 PM

    People are so hypocritical. We’re not supposed to care about external things like looks or income, but we all do. Just admit it. To a woman, a man with lots of income is like a woman with large breasts to a man. It’s not the only thing that matters, it’s not even the thing that matters most, but it does matter. Like everything in human behavior, there are exceptions, but it will be true more often than not.

    Reply
  45. LooksMatterToWomen August 10, 2015 at 7:07 PM

    BWAHAHAHAHA!! This article is nothing but gold digger propaganda intended to deceive average looking men into thinking that having more money makes him more “sexy”. It doesn’t. Being a high earner without being physically attractive only “attracts” settlers and opportunists who value “the finer things in life” more than being with a man they love. Either that or y’all are just so jaded you actually believe men are incapable of love.
    The plain looking high earner may well get his “trophy” girl, but that relationship will not be as stable, and the sex will be rationed (because the physical attraction isn’t really there on her part). Looks DO matter!! Valuing money over looks and love is why we have such a high divorce rate, so many sexless marriages, unstable relationships and cheating problems on both sides of the gender divide.

    Reply
  46. It's not one number. August 22, 2015 at 4:31 PM

    The problem with this article is measuring income isn’t that simple. I just bought a fixer upper house and spent a bunch of time increasing it’s value by over 50k and that’s a number not on my income, I spend a bunch of time studying and doing things that will guarantee higher future income, and that’s not on my income. Bonuses and money I make for rent also not part of my income. I could justify claiming an income anywhere from 80k to 130k, which is a huge difference.

    Also, despite agreeing in part with this article you could always just ask. I personally wouldn’t hold it against a chick for asking about my finances.

    Reply
  47. Steve October 29, 2015 at 12:18 AM

    When 80% of the women seek the top 20% of men based on income, most will be sadly disappointed.Guys dealing with contentious, materialistic, gold diggers who deny their true intentions are better off spending spending money on escorts from backpages.com or in the backrooms at Tijuana and Juarez.

    The creators of Plenty Of Fish had the wisdom to not allow income to be displayed and last I knew has more members than any other dating site.

    Reply
  48. Thrasher November 5, 2015 at 7:00 AM

    I agree. If a woman has to put up her sexual value than we should be required to put up our financial value. That said however, I would not trust whomever messaged me considering my annual salary.

    Reply
  49. Robert November 17, 2015 at 2:04 PM

    Here’s an idea. We don’t put our income up because it’s none of your business – and our income is not for you, or your money anyway just because you’re having sex with us. Wild, huh? That’s treating you like something more than a quid pro quo whore engaging in a cash for a– exchange.

    Even better, it’s a pretty free society, you could go earn your own cash and find a guy you like based on something other than his bank account, because it’s pretty clear from your article that the guy isn’t even really relevant to the equation, only the money is (the guy doesn’t even have to be present for that).

    Reply
  50. Bernie Sanders Fan May 11, 2016 at 11:33 PM

    Hey . Stop using and reducing men to financial objects. We are not an ATM cash machine. And stop reducing women to sexual objects. They aren´t just a breast.
    This is the result of the decomposition of spiritual values due capitalism. It is time for socialism. It is time for decency , not decadency. Be decent and spiritual people. Be socialist

    Reply
  51. TheRealHonestTruth May 19, 2016 at 10:57 AM

    Just too many Career women nowadays that are very Selfish and very Spoiled these days Unfortunately.

    Reply
  52. Orlando May 23, 2016 at 4:34 PM

    I call B.S. This is what happens when you ask nerds to conduct a survey. They look at 23,000 online daters and figure they know what’s what. Already they discriminate against the people that do not date online. Socio economic status matters to guys and girls. I would take a 1 with six figures behind her name over a penniless 10 any day of the week. Pretty girls and boys with no bank accounts are a dime a dozen only top 30% of the population makes really big bank rolls.

    Reply
  53. Steve July 18, 2016 at 7:14 PM

    You can always just ignore guys who don’t put their income up or mention their profession.

    Or ask in a message.

    Reply
  54. Paul July 19, 2016 at 3:01 PM

    This is why many of us Good men are still Single today.

    Reply
  55. Justin August 7, 2016 at 11:08 AM

    It’s not women who get a raw deal, it’s the men. A man’s money can grow in perpetuity if managed correctly whereas a woman’s looks are guaranteed to fade over time. If you’re looking to sell yourself to the highest bidder, there’s another term for it in the dictionary.

    Reply
  56. caydence October 17, 2016 at 9:14 AM

    I am a teenager and I am very hot!

    Reply
  57. Robert January 28, 2017 at 10:58 PM

    Here’s the deal: I’d rather be single than “be” with someone for my income. My looks are going to change, as well as my income. They likely will change against each other as in, my income with gradually increase as my looks gradually decrease.

    Since I don’t mind living life by myself and subjecting myself to voluntary solitude, the attraction phenomena between the sexes really doesn’t apply to me. Best of luck for those, that it does.

    Reply
    1. Someo March 30, 2017 at 8:54 PM

      Same here. As soon as a woman wants me to impress her, she completely killed my interest in her. I been a loner all my life so it won’t kill me to die alone.

      Reply
  58. Marcus Agrippa April 15, 2017 at 7:06 PM

    I only make 47 to 50 thousand a year. But I never have any problem because I am built everywhere if you catch my drift. And every woman says you are damn fine looking hunk…At baby dolls strip club in Dallas me and a friend had strippers all over us…A local Dallas Sportscaster walked in.Sat by us and thought the women would flock to him. He got leftovers after me and my friend left with the top two. No brag, just facts.

    Reply
  59. Roger Chan September 5, 2017 at 4:48 AM

    Um, dating sites are pretty much useful for women and a struggle for men. I think it is quite rich for women to think they are getting “hosed” when dating sites offer limitless opportunities for them.

    I think it is true that a bottom 10% physical women can never compete with top 10% beautiful women. But the bottom 10% physical women can just lose weight. Unpopular opinion, but it is true. Losing weight for a woman is the easiest solution with the maximum benefit. A man who is bottom 10% in any category doesn’t have it nearly as easy.

    Reply
    1. sej January 21, 2018 at 1:41 AM

      No kidding. So many silly feemales will only be with a man who is say over 5’11” and/or makes over 60k a year or the likes. Things a man has no control over. Society sucks.

      Reply
    2. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:03 AM

      So we are just ignoring everyone making 20 to 25k a year?

      Reply
  60. Yadgyu March 28, 2018 at 4:03 PM

    I get money, I get girls, and I get attention. What more is there to strive for?

    Reply
  61. M. Sepo November 26, 2018 at 3:49 PM

    let’s get past the notion that there’s anything wrong with “gold-digging” or that the term itself is pejorative. rationally, it makes sense. even the “hot” guy isn’t going to stay hot for more than a few years and then all you’re left with his paltry earnings. the $250k+ earner on the other hand, will likely continue to make that much if not more over the years; as well, it’s an indication that he’s probably 1) intelligent 2) hard-working 3) well-educated 4) financially responsible (maybe) 5) etc etc. any woman who chooses the ugly high income guy over the pretty poor guy is a smart woman.

    Reply
    1. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:05 AM

      It’s still the shallow road.

      Reply
    2. Devon November 19, 2020 at 12:44 PM

      Most if not all women do not care how the money is earned. He could have won the lottery or inherited the money and women will still prefer him over the lower income guy….

      Reply
  62. Tom December 15, 2018 at 1:28 AM

    It’s been my experience and observation that the majority of women , not all will do some of the uggliest, saddest, most desperate ,self disrespectful things for money. Unfortunate for the good low income decent men of high moral integrity looking for a life long partner. Men marry low income earning women everyday and yet it’s not ok for women to Marry a low income earning men. So much for love in relationships.

    Reply
  63. Souhait January 4, 2019 at 3:40 PM

    Why are people so offended by this?

    Lets break it down to its simplistic form:

    Men prefer women who look… (beautiful, amazing, stunning!?) HEALTHY, with good hygiene. Healthy women, with good genes (GENES) look prettier. That’s just a fact. So why is this OK? Because men, whether they want to admit it or not, are looking for a mother for their children. Period. They are looking for healthy women to produce healthy offspring. Even if they do not WANT kids, they are biologically set to seek out healthy women. And before anyone whines about overweight women being seen as sexy in 3rd world countries and, therefore, I am wrong… I’m not. 3rd world countries = Not Much Food. Poverty. Starvation. Healthy = Fat There. Now, lets move on.

    Women. Women prefer men who can support them, take care of them, provide for them. Yes, even feminist women, like myself, who believe men and women SHOULD be treated equally by society’s standards. Why is this? Because we need them to go out and bring food for us and our babies. We needed to be protected from the other beasts. And a strong provider was and is extremely appealing. And WILL ALWAYS BE. It’s just the way it is.

    Look, there is nothing wrong with either of these things.

    We, as a society, need to stop shaming our true nature.

    There’s nothing wrong with a man preferring a healthy, beautiful woman with a great gene pool over unhealthy, poorer gene pools. There’s nothing wrong with women preferring men who can be a strong provider over men who cannot provide.

    The wrong comes when men extort women due to this or women extort men. The wrong comes when it is abused. And nothing you say or do will fix this. Men KNOW when women are just gold digging. Just like women know when men are just “gold digging”.

    I agree income should be a requirement. That, or remove photos. Wouldn’t that be fun? True matching, blind date style SOLELY on personality alone!

    How about we just accept our nature and move forward?

    Reply
    1. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:09 AM

      Protect yourself. If you feel that way.

      Reply
    2. Rose December 3, 2020 at 7:33 PM

      Excellent reply! There are plenty of people for every type. The mismatch comes from unrealistic expectations. If a man has attractive women fawning all over him, whatever the reason (wealth, charm, attractiveness, height, status, etc.) he can be selective about whom he chooses and will likely pursue the wealthiest and most attractive. Why? Because he can. Is he a “god digger” or “shallow” in opting for the “best” option for him? Not unless he’s only committing to someone because of those external factors. For practical reasons, it behooves everyone to be mindful of income, fiscal responsibility and values alignment in selecting a marriage partner. Financial issues in a marriage are one of the top reasons for divorce and a significant cause of stress for many. The point is that if one has the OPTION to pursue a more financially stable, and ideally more well-off person (male or female), that is likely to be a quality “selling” feature for a prospective mate. Men and women need to be honest with themselves in their “market value” and accept their desirability level. Being a “good person” is not really a “selling” feature. That’s a basic and assumed expectation. It’s like power steering and power windows and locks in a car. These are now standard features in every car and not even really “considered” by most car shoppers. Those are given features, already assumed. Same with “good” men/women. Given. Assumed. Expected. That is not a selling feature. It should come standard. So what else distinguishes you/are you offering? Attractiveness? Financial security? Incredibly funny and charming? Be realistic about what you have to offer a prospective partner. If you’re not having any luck with the men/women you keep pursuing, re-evaluate your market value and adjust.

      Reply
  64. Kimberly A Chodur February 1, 2019 at 5:59 PM

    I feel this article is totally unfair! Men care about money too. I’m a woman in my fifties and know without a doubt that even if your good looking but don’t earn that much, guys just aren’t interested in you! If they are it’s only as a fuck buddy!

    Reply
    1. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:12 AM

      Then stop looking for a man. Seriously the need for companionship is overrated so get over it

      Reply
  65. Tony February 4, 2019 at 7:29 PM

    As a late 30’s male and user of online dating i’d love to cry and say that it’s unfair that women use men for their $$ and men only go after attractive women but it’s just reality. Just for a background im a 6 on a good day in the looks dept with a yearly salary of $75K. I don’t care how hot a woman is if she’s in her 30’s doesn’t have a car and works at Arbys I will NEVER be interested in her. If women were smart they would be much more concerned with a guys credit score and 401K balance then his salary.

    Reply
    1. Rose December 3, 2020 at 7:50 PM

      Agreed! I don’t think any emotionally healthy person chooses a mate solely on ONE characteristic. I think this article simply highlights a priority filter in what men/women use in selecting a potential mate. If an average-looking man making $250K is a total jerk, then more often than not, only a like-minded jerk of a woman would likely be interested in him (and mostly his money, at that).

      People value different things based on their circumstances and upbringing. My college roommate was the daughter of an executive, gorgeous and wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. She was a kind person and she would’ve undoubtedly taken care of her man and family very well. She would not entertain dating anyone who didn’t come from money, though. She grew up wealthy and expected to maintain her standard of living. Since she was gorgeous and a decent person, she didn’t have any problem finding boys interested in her. We lost touch so I don’t know what she ended up doing, but in seeing how many boys were after her, sure, why wouldn’t she only consider boys with a stronger financial background if everything else is relatively the same (nice, decent guy, etc.)

      I think too many people overrate themselves and then feel angry about others not agreeing with their market value. It’s the same problem at work. If you keep loosing your job, the common denominator is you. You’re the problem, not all the “bad managers” who can’t “appreciate” your work. Accept reality and work on/improve yourself. If you’re not attracting the type or “level” of mate you want-work on you! Lose weight, increase muscle mass, groom yourself, wear better outfits, smell better, get a better-paying job, pay off your debt, etc.

      Reply
  66. Brian February 6, 2019 at 10:13 AM

    It’s not so much that women are after guys with money, it’s more about women wanting a provider to raise a family. It’s built into their DNA. That being said, I don’t completely believe this article because looks absolutely do matter. I know tons of beautiful women who are dating complete losers who barely even have a job, if you are tall and good-looking they will look past the fact that you don’t have any money

    Reply
    1. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:20 AM

      How many people do you see or know on a daily basis who are together and when you look they are ugly or just not to your standards having a partnership with another person. Like get real just walk in a grocery store and you know I’m right. Looks matter yeah but it’s always in the eye of the beholder when it comes to beauty. And you am damn well sure that they grew up looking for what would be considered more attractive to them. Also they tend to have beautiful kids.

      Reply
    2. Rose December 3, 2020 at 8:01 PM

      I think it depends on the person’s own standard of living and financial situation. If I had no financial stress/made enough to support companionship without a stronger financial partner, what I prioritize will be different. e.g., physical attractiveness, height, muscles, charm, etc.
      Historically, both men and women were very concerned about finances in selecting a marriage partner, especially in the upper SES bracket. “Old money” families typically only married other “old money” families in order to maintain their wealth. It’s only more recently it became some what of a taboo for women to express their interest in prospective male income. They weren’t “gold diggers” then, unless the prospective spouse didn’t have the same level of wealth. I think then, they were considered “social climbers.” Regardless, it’s a matter of priorities and trade-offs. e.g., If you weren’t wealthy, but came from a prestigious family, “new money” suitors could’ve been considered a great marriage partner a hundred years ago. Human nature remains the same.

      Reply
  67. Name March 30, 2019 at 4:32 AM

    You’re not “interested” in the guy, you’re interested in his money.

    Reply
  68. Becca July 4, 2019 at 1:44 PM

    Tony. Thank you. For the record I don’t agree with automatically going for 60k over 250k. I mean what about availability too and character.

    However I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting some financial stability. I will date someone making 60k. With my salary it’s enough but i absolutely care about someone being able to support themselves and a family.

    You know what I have career and I plan on carrying my load I am not asking for anything from a man I am not doing.

    And I think men should care too about women too being able to do basics it’s called being responsible.

    And the men who are quick to criticize will feel far different about their sisters, daughters marrying of being in a relationship with someone who cannot hold a job.

    Personality doesn’t pay bills or put food on table and not being able to provide for oneself can be character flaw. Don’t get me wrong stuff happens we can all lose a job get laid off. But repeatedly?

    Reply
    1. Yup yup September 11, 2020 at 10:23 AM

      ? I’m confused you are running into homeless people on dating sites?

      Reply
  69. Single and Proud March 15, 2021 at 11:47 AM

    This all the motivation I need to leave my income blank and not reveal any information as to my job or wealth. It will filter out gold diggers like the author of this post. I want a woman who is attracted to me for who I am, not a number in a bank account. And if in the first 5 questions a woman asks me one a date, she asks about finances or money, she’s not getting another date.

    Reply
  70. Dude April 6, 2021 at 4:00 PM

    It’s harder and harder for men to join a dating site and have any success… Be good looking.. okay have high status okay… Have a amazing 6 figure job okay make lots of money and spend it on her . Also be 6+ foot.. by the time you’re done with the list if you ain’t basically a 10/10 male model whose personality is sex appeal.. you ain’t gonna land the 4-8 girls.. god forbid if you try and get the 9-10 who have oversized ego and date.2 guys a week

    Reply

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