Things not to do when sad…

life list
It’s been a rough few days for me lately. Can’t go into it too much here cuz it’s pretty personal and/or totally my fault (hah!), but needless to say it’s a firm wake up call that not everything can be so perfect & happy all the time.  Reminds me that you really do have to have the lows sometimes to appreciate all the highs. Like the world is Even Steven, ya know?

Anyways, I’m not saying all this to get your sympathy or to be a Debbie Downer today, but more to talk about stuff that usually isn’t talked about on this blog cuz I’m always so damn smiley! ;)  Which obviously I like a helluva lot more, but at least it gives me something new to talk about today….and that’s pretty much a handful of things to stay away from when you’re sad!  Here are a few that shoot right to the top of my mind:

  1. Don’t go on a bender! Usually (at least for me) the first thing I want to do when I’m either ecstatic or upset is to grab a beer or two or ten. But it never makes anything better in the long run, and it really sucks on your wallet in the short run.
  2. Don’t go on a SHOPPING bender! If I hadn’t barely caught my train home last night I think I would have slipped on this one.  The old me used to shop when I was sad or bored, and I came really close to getting back to that person last night.  Only now I probably would have limited the damage to $50-$100 instead of a few hundred which was entirely possible back in the day.  Not a good habit to get into – especially if you’re an emotional one.
  3. Don’t let it affect your job. Which is a LOT easier said than done – esp if the problem lies within your job (not the issue for me today, but we certainly have our moments).  If at all possible, try and block all those sad an icky thoughts as best you can when working.  Or go to the bathroom and cry it out for a bit, and then get back to work ;)
  4. Don’t say something stupid to a loved one. This includes friends, family, wives, husbands, co-workers, whomever.  Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you have to take it out on others.  But it IS okay to ask for help and to talk about it with them.  They all got your back!
  5. And lastly, don’t think it will continue on forever. It won’t, no matter how upset or frustrated or downright sad you are.  It may last a day or a week or a month (although I hope not!) but usually we move on and become a stronger person for it.  Which I’m telling myself this very moment as I type this cuz I’m still so freakin’ sad!!! arghhh…

So that’s that.  Your boy J. Money is down with the sickness and trying to spin it into something helpful.  Is it working?! I don’t think I’ll snap out of this anytime real soon, but blogging about it sure is giving my brain a nice change of pace.  It really is too bad money can’t buy happiness…

(Sad dog pic by Benoit Dupont)

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  1. sarah October 19, 2010 at 7:57 AM

    Awe J, sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I am glad to hear that you have learned what not to do when sad, but what about finding things that make you truly happy? Even if it’s only a temporary “high”, endorphins are your friend! I know that you are artistic, and athletic… would taking some extra time to go on a walk/run or painting a new picture help?

    Hope your spirits rise soon, I’ll be thinking about you :)

  2. Sallie's Niece October 19, 2010 at 8:20 AM

    Sending you a virtual hug. Hope things get better!

  3. Karmella October 19, 2010 at 8:50 AM

    Aw, I’m sorry to hear it – but it sounds like you’re keeping the right perspective :)

    I for real need to save this list, because it’s an excellent reminder. I’d add don’t eat like a pig – I guess globally I need to remember not to give myself permission to do stuff because I’m sad – if the answer to why is because I’m sad, then I need to back it up…

  4. Ahnie October 19, 2010 at 8:54 AM

    That’s a lot of (reasonable) Don’ts. How about a Do? When I’m down and struggling I find that doing something that helps someone else, also helps me to feel better. It can be as simple as carrying something for an elderly neighbor or making a point of letting other cars into traffic on my way to work. It can also take the form of donating to a worthy cause (a favorite charity or a project like on Donorschoose or Kickstarter) or making a loan on one of those microloan sites (like Kiva). It’s amazing how well it works.

  5. Doctor S October 19, 2010 at 9:17 AM

    All good. We all go through the rough patches, just don’t let whatever it is get you down. Lord knows I have shared a few things that I have put me in my funk, but you are J$ and you will bounce back for sure.

    #3 and #5 are the most important. I have let my mind put me in a place that has affected my job before and it did not end up well. My producitivity decreased and I ended up having to find a different gig. But that’s life, if you let the problems persist and don’t tackle them proactively and right away, you are going to be in that place for a while.

    It’s all about taking control of yourself. Get it done J$! I got you!

  6. Techbud October 19, 2010 at 9:22 AM

    @ Ahnie – great idea – you may not be able to change the things that are currently bringing you down, making you sad, but if you can focus on something else, something positive this may help your overall mood.

    You certainly don’t want to take out your frustration out on others. Chin Up J!

  7. Lauren October 19, 2010 at 9:29 AM

    Sorry to hear that you’re having a rough time. Like you said, there are highs and lows in life. This too shall pass! These are some really good tips. I know I have been guilty of the first two. They only temporarily take away the pain. They don’t really do anything. You have to have something to give you peace no matter your life cirumstances. Hope you feel better!

  8. Lindsay October 19, 2010 at 10:02 AM

    I went through this a couple of weeks, and I was talking to my husband about it. I think I realized that in order to have as many “high/great” days I have, I just need a couple of low days. So, instead of beating myself up about it, trying to force myself out of it, I just relish in it, allowing myself to write in my journal more, read more, etc.

    Of course, this advice does not apply to anyone dealing with serious issues, but I think our society forces us to get out of our lows very quickly. I am now trying to look at them as a part of a necessary cycle of joy for me.

    Good luck in your coming days.

  9. Kevin @ October 19, 2010 at 10:17 AM

    Other things not to do when sad:

    1. Eat excessive amounts of ice cream
    2. Eat excessive amounts of cookies
    3. Eat excessive amounts of cake

    Okay, just make sure you aren’t eating too much. You’ll get through this buddy.

  10. Michael Senchuk October 19, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    Last week I had a huge exam to write on Thursday, career-altering sort of exam, and “apparently” I was in a snarky mood the whole week. Or so I was told by my wife. Anyways, she cut me some slack simply because, like yourself, I’m almost always in a good mood and never let much of anything effect me. And sure enough, after the exam was over and I spent the afternoon by myself decompressing, I was back to my chipper self by the time she took me out for dinner to celebrate.

  11. Chris@TheSnackHound October 19, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    People have said my most hilarious writing happens when things have hit the fan. Looking back, I wish I didn’t have to go through all that but will admit that they were write. It’s like I was writing as if I had “nothing to lose.” I wasn’t holding back “what I shouldn’t say” because things had sailed down the trolley in a hand basket on a hot trolley already.

  12. Chris@TheSnackHound October 19, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Geez…I can’t even spell today. I can spell, but I am suffering from homonym abuse. I meant “right”, not “write” in “admit they were write.”

  13. Amber, Blonde and Balanced October 19, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    :( Aww, I’m sorry J. Money. I’ll say a little prayer for ya. Hope everything works out! :)

  14. LB October 19, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    Facebook seems to help me when I am down. Last night I had the worse migraine of all time, and turned to Facebook for help. I got some good advice and even some funny comments that helped lighten the mood. Yes, I do agree with Chris@TheSnackHound hilarious writing happens when things have hit the fan. Let’s just say I now believe that eating too many crackers leads to cocaine usage ;).

  15. One Frugal Girl October 19, 2010 at 5:13 PM

    I hate sad days. I’ve had a bunch of them lately, so here’s to hoping things get better for you soon!

  16. J. Money October 19, 2010 at 10:59 PM

    Thanks guys, your messages and prayers are helping! :) A bit better tonight but we still got a ways to go…and yeah, def. not good to touch food in this mood! haha… forgot about that one. After I shoved my face full of chocolates already. oops.

    @Ahnie – I totally 100% love this idea of helping others! It’s so true – the days I physically go out of my way to help other people it feels sooooo good and I get an automatic high. Whether it’s donating my time or money or skills or whatever. I’m going to try this really soon because of you, thanks for the reminder :)

  17. Will October 20, 2010 at 12:12 AM

    just remember, no matter how good things are, they will always get worse, and no matter how bad things are, they will always get better.

  18. Ahnie October 20, 2010 at 8:41 AM

    @J. Money Yay! I’m no prophet, but I see great mood lifting in your near future. :)

  19. Jenn @ Paying Myself October 20, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    All good tips, especially the shopping thing for me. I wanted serious shopping therapy this week but avoided it. I hope you’re feeling better soon!

  20. Kelsey October 20, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    That’s too bad you are going through a rough time. You are right, don’t let it affect your job or budget!

  21. J. Money October 24, 2010 at 9:27 PM

    I’m getting better as the days go by :) Working on some GREAT side projects is really keeping my mind off things! Esp when it’s helping others… more to come on that soon. W00T!