One-on-One w/ Farnoosh Torabi, Author of the New Book, “When She Makes More” [+ Book Giveaway!]

Hey guys! Welcome to another One-On-One where I interview some of the coolest people I know :) If you missed any of our last ones on Rob Wilson (Aka Hip-Hop’s Financial Advisor) or Extreme Couponer’s Chrystie Vachon, be sure to check them out when you get a chance. Awesome people doing even awesomer things!

And now up, my good friend, and published author, Farnoosh Torabi!

A little about Farnoosh…

Before we get started, let me share a few things about Farnoosh in case you don’t recognize the name (which would be hard to do since it’s so unique :)). In a nutshell, she’s a personal finance expert, author, speaker and coach.

But you may also remember her as the host of The Bank of Mom and Dad – one of my favorite financial shows back in the day! – or even the host of the Webby-nominated Financially Fit on Yahoo Finance – ranked the #1 personal finance series online. She also used to be a reporter for Money Magazine, as well as helped launch TV with Jim Cramer.

In other words, she’s a financial bad ass. And currently at the top of the next generation of “experts,” if you’re asking my opinion. Why else would she be on Budgets Are Sexy right now? ;)

Here are some of her most recent books:

  • You’re So Money (2008) – A book on having it all… just not all at once.
  • Psych Yourself Rich (2010) – A book about giving you the mindset, discipline, and spirit for building a strong financial foundation.
  • When She Makes More (May, 2014) – A book on the 10 rules for breadwinning women.

It’s this last book we’ll be concentrating on today, so get ready to take notes!

successful woman drawingYou’ve written a handful of (awesome) books about money so far, and now your latest one, When She Makes More, centers around the rules for breadwinning women. If I may be so bold to ask, do you make more money than YOUR husband? :)

Ask away! You know I’m not shy, J! That’s a great question and the answer is yes. I make more than my husband, Tim.  It was actually what triggered my curiosity and fascination with this topic.

While my husband is super supportive and we don’t bicker often over money, I’ll be the first to say that we weren’t totally ready for this financial dynamic and, as a result, we faced some perplexing issues (which you can read all about in the book!). And, while I’ve spent more than 10 years helping individuals and families with their finances and consider myself a pretty solid money manager, this was the first time I felt a bit lost at sea. There was no established guide or recipe on how to make your partnership succeed when she is the breadwinner. Emotionally and psychologically, this is heavy stuff. There was no roadmap! So I decided to research and discover the secrets, myself.

What are some of the reasons us men have such a hard time with women making more than us?

I think part of the reason is that men face a set of unfair societal expectations about what it means to be a man and a “provider.” Researchers at Pew, in fact, found that 67 percent of Americans still believed it was “very important” that a man be ready to support a family before getting married, while only 33 percent believed the same about women. And many men still personally believe that it’s important for them to make more than their wives. It’s a powerful social and psychological norm that’s here to stay for now. So when it’s violated, it can make men feel emasculated.

At the same time, I also want to point out that it’s not necessarily just men who have a problem with their wives making more. Sometimes it’s that she has issues with it because, perhaps, she has more traditional expectations of what it means to be husband and wife, as well. At the end of the day, some women still want to feel like they’re being ‘taken care of’ by their partners in some capacity. There are a lot of ways to feel ‘taken care of’ that have nothing to do with money, of course. But if her definition of being ‘taken care of’ involves feeling financially protected, then she may be in for a rude awakening as the breadwinner.

I’d like to think I’d have no qualms with my wife bringing in more than me if/when that occurs, so assuming that’s accurate, what % of the male species would this put me in?

You’re not a rare species for thinking that way! But it is not how the majority of men feel deep down. I think that in theory many men would say that they’d have no problem if their girlfriend or wife made more and I have thrown this hypothetical out at many a dinner parties and work events, but in practice, studies – and my own interviews – discover a totally different emotional scenario.

You say that for the top-earning woman, the rules are “different.” What are a few of these different rules exactly?

The rules are different in many ways – and often stem from a need to address his or her emotional challenges.

For example, in marriages where the wife brings home a bigger paycheck, she is twice as likely as her husband to make all the financial decisions, and while on the surface this may seem like a positive thing (since we always want to encourage women to be more engaged in the family’s financial planning), this could – and does – emotionally backfire at times. She may begin to feel stressed and resentful that she’s taking on so much responsibility. And he may begin to feel slighted, as so much of his ego and dignity may be tied to feeling financially significant in the relationship. So, partners need to, as I say in the book, find a way to ‘level the financial playing field.’ This is a consideration that couples with equal incomes or a male breadwinner don’t have to consider as much.

There are also unique challenges for top-earning women and their partners when it comes to raising a family. You must take extra precautions in terms of work/life balance. I discuss in the book that it helps to think in terms of “making it all work,” rather than the stereotypical “having it all.” And no, it’s not always a smart decision for him to become the primary caregiver just because he makes less. There are some serious trade-offs to consider when designating a stay-at-home parent, especially if it’s dad.

Without giving the book away, what are a couple of tips breadwinning women can start enacting now while waiting for it to be released? (It comes out May 1st fyi, and you can preorder it here for a chance to win some cool gifts and to hang out with Farnoosh at The Today Show!)

#1) Stop asking for ‘help’ and establish more ‘accountability.’

Identify the most significant way(s) your partner can support you – and ask him to provide that. And rather than ask for his ‘help’ here and there, find out what major area or domain he can completely take charge of. Perhaps it’s managing the big-picture finances like retirement and college savings (with your periodic review and consent, of course) and/or perhaps it’s taking over all-things food-related in your home which includes not just preparing the kids’ lunches when you’re in a bind, but planning dinners, food shopping and stocking the pantry. For other couples it may mean having him adjust his work hours to be primary caretaker when the kids home arrive from school. Bottom line: If your man isn’t the breadwinner, then it’s important for him to feel like he’s still providing in a major, major way, otherwise he can begin to question his purpose in the relationship – and she can start to wonder, ‘what do I need you for?’

#2) Think of and plan for ways you can ‘invest’ in his ambitions so that he can better provide financially for the family in the future.

I look forward to my husband taking over as the breadwinner some day – even if just temporarily. As much as I feel empowered at times as the top earner in our relationship, it carries a good bit of stress, as well.  I encourage higher earning women to invest in their men’s goals, especially if pursuing those goals can mean more money and flexibility in your lives. With your financial support he could pursue a graduate degree, change careers, or start a business in pursuit of more happiness and income. It’s the kind of investment that can pay off for everyone in the family, especially if kids are in the picture now or down the road. Should you want to off-ramp momentarily and be a stay-at-home mom, he can better provide for the family’s needs in the interim. Or, if you need more money to support costs like day care or college savings, investing in your guy’s earnings potential today can reap benefits in the future.

I’ve always liked the question you ask on your main website about being ready to live a “richer and happier life.” What’s something you’ve found that really works for you in achieving this?

When I got married, we started working with a financial advisor, which has really helped us feel more financially empowered and prepared for life’s unexpected twists and turns. Part of what feeds my happiness is having a support system in my life and access to resources that can help me make healthier choices.  I certainly don’t pretend to know everything and I’ve gotten really good at asking questions.  And that has served me – and my family – in living a richer, happier life.

As a fellow hustler and finance blogger, the biggest challenge I’ve found is managing my time efficiently. With being an author, expert, and freelance writer (and let’s not forget kick-ass TV host from The Bank of Mom & Dad!), how do you get it all done? And so well?

Well thanks for saying that! I certainly don’t feel very efficient at times. I am just as much a procrastinator as the next person, but it’s true that I jam pack a lot of responsibilities in my work life and somehow the work gets done. In my younger years it was thanks partly to not needing a lot of sleep! I could work until 3am and pull all-nighters. I don’t have that kind of stamina anymore – especially now as I write this 7.5 months pregnant!

But with experience comes knowledge of what you have to do versus what can wait. I prioritize my work checklist now by placing income-generating tasks at the tip-top.  I also outsource a few things. I use an online transcription service. I have a copy editor assisting me with my newsletter and I have an awesome web support team that makes sure my site looks beautiful and runs smoothly.  And over the years, having gotten a lot more comfortable on camera, I’ve managed to eliminate the nerves and just concentrate on giving sound advice. And let me tell you, not being nervous has chopped down my need to prepare for media hits significantly!

Want a copy of her new book, “When She Makes More”?

when she makes more book

Like what Farnoosh is about? Want a copy of her new book, When She Makes More – either for yourself, or for a friend? Answer this question below and you’ll be entered to win one of the TWO COPIES we’re giving away today. It doesn’t come out until May 1st so you get a sneak peak! :)

“Do you make more money than your man? If so, how do you feel about that?”

Leave your answers in the comments below by Sunday night @ Midnight, April 20th, and we’ll pick the winners using shortly after. And yes, that is Easter :)

Good luck friends! If you don’t win one of ’em, I urge you to pre-order a copy so you can also be entered to win some of those cool prizes she’ll be giving away… Just try and be luckier on that ;)

Thanks again Farnoosh! I hope to one day give this book to my wife!

Giveaway open to anyone 18+, living in any country. Farnoosh don’t play around!

***GIVEAWAY OVER***  The two lucky winners are…. dum dum dum… Sarah Harper and Savvy Financial Latina!

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  1. Clarisse @ Make Money Your Way April 15, 2014 at 6:49 AM

    I was married very young and we really faced financially unstable before. My hubs need to finish his Masteral degree and while I’m working. I know that time he really got an issue, but I talked to him sincerely that I need to help him and the couples should help each other.

  2. Brian @ Luke1428 April 15, 2014 at 6:55 AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts Farnoosh. We’ve just been through a four year transition that has moved my wife into a career as a CPA. She now makes more than I and I couldn’t be happier for her. She is following her dream…who am I to be resentful of how much she makes? Marriage is a partnership where both parties support and sacrifice for one another no matter who has what career.

  3. S L April 15, 2014 at 7:52 AM

    When I was partnered I did make more money. Because of that, and the child working better with a strong masculine presence always around, he stayed home and worked part time around boyo’s schedule. He also cooked much better than I and was a lot better about budgeting and menu-planning. So, we separated it that way with consultations over major purchases that either of us wanted. We each had ‘veto power’ of course. Neither of us was prepared for the emotional issues even though the split of responsibility was his original idea. I think if we had more information at the time, it would have been better all around.

  4. Catina Mount April 15, 2014 at 7:59 AM

    I absolutely LOVE Farnoosh & could not believe my eyes when I opened your site at 4:45am!
    This is one of the toughest questions/situations ever. Yes, I now and have always earned more. It absolutely has never felt good. Not only has it felt like “role reversal” because of what society has told us…it also adds a terrible amount of pressure. It is incredibly difficult to not feel like you are the only one in the driver seat & make your partner feel like he too has a “say”.

    I LOVE #2 and that’s where we are at now. Career change is on the horizon and I think it makes it easier since I’ve got finances under control. This book is in perfect time with my life…if I don’t win, I’ll definitely be purchasing!

    Thank you Farnoosh & J – what a super interview!

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 9:25 PM

      Glad you enjoyed it! Farnoosh is super cool – and smart. You’ll learn a lot from the book :)

  5. Liz April 15, 2014 at 8:15 AM

    Yes, I do make more than my husband. It doesn’t bother me at all, but I worry that it bothers him even though he says it doesn’t :) I do appreciate point number #1. I think it is time for me to stop being a control freak and let go of a few responsibilities.

    Great article!

  6. Shauna April 15, 2014 at 8:34 AM

    I am the breadwinner in our house. It is a role that I was happy to take on but there are some definite emotions on both sides of the coin that we haven’t worked out yet. I think this book could be just what I need…

  7. a terrible husband... April 15, 2014 at 8:52 AM

    My wife stays at home w/ our kids, so naturally I make more. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t bother me if she made more. It would be pretty awesome to have all that financial flexibility. For the time being, we’re putting that potential into having her stay with our kids though.

    Oh, and where can we buy one of those dresses you have on the cover? ;)

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 9:26 PM

      (if you send me $200 I’ll make you one ;) that’ll fit a lego woman.)

  8. John @ Frugal Rules April 15, 2014 at 8:56 AM

    Great interview J and thanks for sharing Farnoosh! It’s hard to say now which of us makes more since we run our business together. However, as it was my wife who started the business on the side we did have a period of a year or two where she was the clear cut breadwinner. It can definitely present challenges if you allow it to, but I viewed it as I was more than happy to see the success she was having and we’ve always viewed our finances as being part of a team so I really didn’t have any issue with it.

  9. Well Heeled Blog April 15, 2014 at 9:13 AM

    I make quite a bit more than my husband. On the one hand, I think it’s very difficult for two people to make the exact same amount, so someone has to make more, right? And it’s a positive step for society when that someone is just as likely to be a woman as it is a man. On the other hand, this does put pressure on me to continue in a particular track or career that generates similar income. In my ideal world, I’d like both people to make close to the same amount, or at least for the lower-income spouse – whether that’s me or him at any particular moment in time – to still make enough to support the household on that one income.

  10. Emily April 15, 2014 at 9:52 AM

    I make quite a bit more than my partner. I was resentful at first because it came about during the recession and I felt he wasn’t looking hard enough for jobs. I think we both struggled with overcoming the stereotypical man is the provider role but I think it helps that we both have roles that we love. The recession was really the reason for the additional angst but it is also the reason we were able to find the roles we have. We both now have jobs that we excel at and mine just makes more. We are both extremely supportive of each others roles and know that we could not do the other job and succeed as we are now.

  11. Trisha April 15, 2014 at 9:53 AM

    I do make more than my husband, but since his job will provide a pension for us when we retire(he’s in public service), it’s a win-win for both of us. We’re both on the same page financially, and that’s a good thing for us.

  12. SavvyFinancialLatina April 15, 2014 at 9:54 AM

    I do make significantly more than my husband. This is not normal. Most of the people we know, the men are on track to make more money, but in our case, it’s me. I really hope we don’t have to decide for one of us to stay at home if we have kids. I would like for us to remain employed. I know it would be stressful for me to be the only breadwinner.

  13. Becky @ RunFunDone April 15, 2014 at 10:01 AM

    I make more than my husband…and for much of my life (including right now with the recession) my mother made more than my father. It really generally doesn’t seem to me to be as complicated as what the author talks about, except with one big caveat: Raising a family. I love kids, and always thought I’d have kids. Now I’m married to an artist, and I’m not sure I want kids because I won’t be able to stay home with them like I always hoped. Hubs isn’t really all that interested in staying home with the kids, but if we had kids, that’s what would have to happen because of my paycheck and my benefits. (Plus since he’s an artist he works from home anyways). Sooo….I guess it does make a difference because the whole having-a-family thing is a pretty big deal!

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 9:30 PM

      Oh wow, that’s actually pretty interesting. At least from an onlooker ;) I wonder what Farnoosh would advise in that case? Maybe there’s something in the book relating to it?

  14. Camille @ Challenge Mantra April 15, 2014 at 10:09 AM

    What a great interview!

    Last year, I brought home double the income of my husband, and it has definitely been challenging since we have differing views on how to spend/save this money. (Me = early retirement + travel; him = giving to family + spending on bad-ass hobbies.) We’ve discussed the advantages of making him a stay-at-home dad (which I’m fine with) but I was particularly hurt last month when he asked me not to pursue career opportunities outside of my current employer because he doesn’t want to either move or change our lifestyle. I felt like my preferences should count twice as much as his since I was making that much more, but this is unfair to our otherwise equal partnership.

    Thank you, Farnoosh, for the interview, and I’m looking forward to reading your latest book!

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:35 PM

      I hope you do read it, friend! Glad you enjoyed the interview – I’m starting to have fun doing them :)

  15. Noelle April 15, 2014 at 10:17 AM

    We make about the same. We graduated at the same time in the same industry with the same degree so everyone kind of starts at the same benchmark. It will be interesting to see how our salaries diverge once our careers really take off though, it could go either way.

  16. A Hard Working Momma April 15, 2014 at 10:21 AM

    I do make more money than my husband, and we always figured I would. With our ambitions, my field of work and my education level, I was on track to make more from the very beginning. We have no problems with this situation because it doesn’t matter who makes the money, but that we have money to support our family.

  17. Cvillehome April 15, 2014 at 10:27 AM

    I make more and it has been a sticking point in our relationship for 16 years, especially when my husband was out of work. It seems to have emasculated him. It has been really, really hard.

  18. Sarah H April 15, 2014 at 11:04 AM

    Was talking about this with a friend last night. I’m single, but if I wasn’t, I would be the breadwinner. She has been married twice and was the breadwinner in each relationship.
    I think Farnoosh is right that you should set expectations explicitly. No hinting, or hoping it gets done.

  19. Jennifer April 15, 2014 at 11:18 AM

    My husband is currently a student, so by default I make more than he does. However, even once he goes to work, he will be in the law enforcement field, whereas I am an engineer with a 6-figure salary. I will, most likely, always make more than him. This has never been an issue with us, because we are both on board with our financial plan and frequently talk about our budget and goals. He has told me that he sometimes feels bad that his dream job won’t be a high paying one, but he is also super proud of me and what I have been able to accomplish so far in my career. I know things could change one day, but for now, it all works for us.

  20. Melissa April 15, 2014 at 11:21 AM

    I would love to win this book! I will definitely be adding it to my list of must reads if I don’t win.

    To answer the question, currently I do not make more money than my husband, but the situation we are in now is because I made more money than him at my previous job. You see, he’s a teacher and I have a computer science degree. We always knew I’d make more money and we’ve both always been okay with that (although it bothered him that he wasn’t able to contribute at all due to no job).
    This past school year, I quit my job so we could move to a new town for his teaching career. I’m now currently self employed and we both hope that one day I will be back to making what I made at my corporate job.
    I will say that during the time I was making more money I could have used tip #1. The responsibility was hard and I felt, personally, that I had to do it all.

    Thanks for a great interview and giveaway!

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:33 PM

      Glad you enjoyed it :)

  21. Sara April 15, 2014 at 11:31 AM

    That’s kind of a hard question for me to answer. There have been times in our almost 14 year marriage when my husband was a student and I was working, or we moved for his job and I was unemployed for a while. Now things are pretty even when you look at our hourly rates, but I’ve opted to work part time to take care of our kids, so my total take home pay is less. But I work in finance and he’s a designer who hates math, so for that reason I handle our finances.

  22. Kelli April 15, 2014 at 12:06 PM

    Hubby makes more than me. (For now.) If I was the higher earner neither of us would mind as long as we were doing well.

  23. A. April 15, 2014 at 12:18 PM

    I make more, but the gap is narrowing. I feel really good about being the primary earner, actually. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am in my career and I like feeling like I can support my family even if my husband were to lose his job or transition into another career.

  24. Even Steven April 15, 2014 at 12:49 PM

    I read the original You’re So Money book, the Swingers movie quote got me and was one of my favorite books about personal finance because it was something fresh and applied to me in so many ways, I even tried to get my girlfriend at the time to read it, sorry no luck.

    So it’s funny/ironic that years later you come up with When She Makes More, it also applies. So answering the question as a male, my wife(girlfriend from above) makes more money, so I will read your book and give the same attempt to have my wife read it this time.

    Thanks for the interview post J Money.

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:33 PM

      I hope she listens this time :)

  25. Samantha April 15, 2014 at 12:49 PM

    I also make more than my husband – last year, by quite a bit. I think our attitude is simply that its all OUR money. And when one of us gets a raise, its like our family got a raise. When each of us is successful, we are both winning!

    But we also keep all things equal, i.e. just because I make more doesn’t mean I get extra fun money or manicures or something. If one of us works a side job, that money goes into the pot for paying down debt or whatever. We are a team.

  26. Lisa Hatcher April 15, 2014 at 1:24 PM

    I am divorced and when I was married did not earn more than my husband. There is a definite dynamic going on within a marriage depending on who is the primary breadwinner. I work with couples in this situation of wife earning more and look forward to reading this book to help them more effectively.

  27. Mel April 15, 2014 at 2:11 PM

    I make more money than my husband – he’s a stay at home dad. I have days that I feel remarkably overwhelmed and angry that “he has it so easy” (which, by the way, he does not). For the most part though, I love that we are both able to work to our strengths. He is much more patient than I am with our children, he’s a great household planner, and he enjoys cleaning (am I lucky or what?!?). I, on the other hand, really love to work. I enjoy my field (human resources) and I get to make money while managing our household finances. I’m not great at it, but it’s fun. It’s taken us the better part of 6 years to really accept our own happiness in our non-traditional situation. :) I would love to read this book, by the way! Thanks for all of the fun giveaways!

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:37 PM

      Thanks for being so open and honest :)

  28. Mario Adventuresinfrugal April 15, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    I’m still very much single, but have mostly dated women I make more than. There have been a couple who made more than me and we were fine with it, so I like to think I’d be no problem if this ever happened during a marriage.

  29. Dave April 15, 2014 at 2:26 PM

    My wife makes more than I do. She’s successfully transferred her skills from the Navy into assorted civilian and federal jobs whereas mine didn’t. In honesty, there were times I felt like I wasn’t ‘keeping up my end of the deal’ but she’s been supportive and there isn’t any animosity or bruised egos over the situation.

    1. Doug @ The-Military-Guide April 15, 2014 at 2:43 PM

      Dave, Mario, my spouse and I started our Navy careers together. First I made more (bonus pay), and a few years later she made more (quite a bit more). Either way we were happy to have the money coming in.

      Of course we both reached financial independence at exactly the same time. That’s the only metric which counts…

      (BTW, J$, if should choose this comment, then please roll the dice again and pick someone else!)

      1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:37 PM

        Roger that, good sir. Thanks for chiming into the chats :)

  30. jessica April 15, 2014 at 2:54 PM

    Since we started working, I’ve always made more than my hubby. That will change in the next year, and am looking forward to see how it changes our dynamics. He has always been supportive and encouraging but I’m definitely the one in charge of the finances and wonder if it willmKe him take a more active role.

  31. Crystal April 15, 2014 at 4:27 PM

    My husband made more than me for our first 6-7 years of marriage, but I’ve brought in more than him for the last 3-ish years. It’s never bothered him although I did have to get over my own issues with being more money-motivated than him. We’re true partners now and that works way better than worrying about who makes what…

  32. Christine @ ThePursuitofGreen April 15, 2014 at 4:50 PM

    I almost reached the point where I was making just as much as my husband. Pretty significant considering he has 4 more years of working experience than I do. Different job though. We have talked about what would happen if I ever made more than him which is a possibility in the future. He seemed to be comfortable with it but if we get there we’ll see what happens!

    I did happen to actually make more than my boyfriend in a previous relationship. I didn’t mind it but I do feel that he did even though he never said anything. Just didn’t fit in with his view of how a relationship should be.

  33. Pamela April 15, 2014 at 4:54 PM

    I was making about 4x what my husband was making when he recently lost his job. So, considering that it wasn’t a huge blow financially and since I had just gotten pregnant, he decided to stay home with the (soon to be) baby. It’s difficult at times because I know he sometimes struggles with feeling like a loser or that I’ll leave him for someone else. Would love to read this book! In terms of how I feel, though, I’m quite happy being the primary earner and have always preferred that. I’m quite ambitious, but I don’t expect anyone else to be.

  34. Anneli @thefrugalweds April 15, 2014 at 5:20 PM

    My husband and I have been very fortunate to both have great rewarding careers. While I’ve made more in my current position compared to my husband, his income has continuously increased and one day soon, it will eclipse mine. It’s a great thing in my eyes! We’re 50/50 partners in our relationship and my husband isn’t at all intimidated by it. When it gets into our bank accounts, the money is one and the same. It matters more that we’re able to responsibly put it away and save for our future together!

  35. Richard Anthony April 15, 2014 at 5:29 PM

    Extremely informative article, Farnoosh and J$. I’m sure it will help out many couples, and your book no doubt will enlighten many more.

    But in case no one’s noticed, your giveaway is terribly one-sided, with the question, ““Do you make more money than your man? If so, how do you feel about that?” and the seemingly contradictory rule, “Giveaway open to anyone 18+, living in any country . . .” (Make that anyone partnered with a man, which excludes me.)

    Certainly the subject might have been doubly enriched by inviting the male perspective: “Does your woman make more than you and how do you feel about it?”

    How do you feel about that?:)

    1. J. Money April 16, 2014 at 11:50 PM

      I feel confused as to whether you want to be entered to win a copy or not ;)

      On a serious note though, I think people understand it’s an open discussion for either party to chime in. There’s a handful of men who already have here, and I’m sure others will pop in as well. Some topics will be more geared towards one party than another.

  36. Alice @ Earning My Two Cents April 15, 2014 at 6:25 PM

    Yup, I make more money than my husband and always have. He is a full time student now so he is totally fine with it. In fact, he’s always been fine with it and says he would love to be a stay at home Dad. One day he may actually make more than me but for the time being I am the breadwinner and we are both cool with it.

  37. Amanda April 15, 2014 at 7:41 PM

    I do make more than my boyfriend and man is it stressful for me. We live together, but I have to pay most of the bills because his jobs have been intermittent. He’s in a tech contract position right now and I’m dreading when it’ll be over. The only thing that gives me hope is that his rate keeps increasing as he job hops and eventually one job needs to stick, right? That, and as tip #2 mentioned, we’re going to have him go back to college and finish that dang degree. :) Great book idea!

  38. Erin @ Red Debted Stepchild April 15, 2014 at 8:17 PM

    We flip back and forth. He’s made more, I’ve made more. Most recently, he’s been making more but I just got a new job that will likely make us even (or put me ahead). None of it matters, the money goes into the same pot and I couldn’t care less as long as the bills are getting paid and both of us enjoy our work :)

  39. Laura April 15, 2014 at 11:22 PM

    I do for the time being, and it’s definitely been something to negotiate. I really loved her two tips, and look forward to reading this book!

  40. Divya April 16, 2014 at 6:05 AM

    In our 10 years together, I make more than hubby and it has affected our relationship lately especially as he made some stupid financial decisions twice in our time together. The last two years has been tough on us as he lost a good paying job and got into debt for a second time after we clawed our way out of first debt trap. He got a new okay job only after much searching. I would like to read the book

  41. Mom @ Three is Plenty April 16, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    I barely make less than my husband, (about $2000/year less – sometimes more depending on how bonuses shake out), but if I moved from my “startup” position to a more established company, my salary would also jump to significantly more than his. While my husband has had some misgivings in the past that I may make more than him, it doesn’t bother him any more, and he’s considering a position where he’d make significantly less than me. We just look at it as “our” money – take the benefits from each company that helps the most, and use it as one “bucket” towards our goals.

    When our daughter was born, there was a tense environment until we figured out who was doing what chores, etc, but I think most new parents have that and we’ve since worked it out.

    1. J. Money April 18, 2014 at 9:19 PM

      Kids definitely throw a wrench in it all for sure :) But you’re totally right – takes some getting used to with the 1st child! We’re about to find out what it’s like with the 2nd one come May – yikes! (And also – yay! :))

  42. Heather April 16, 2014 at 3:02 PM

    Anxious to read your experience.

  43. Joel April 16, 2014 at 3:20 PM

    Currently, my wife is the breadwinner and I’m supportive of it. After all, you want the best life for the both of you regardless on what end of the stream it comes through.

  44. Heather H April 16, 2014 at 6:42 PM

    I currently make more and have since we started dating. But, he’s on track to complete get his CPA, which will hopefully open up some higher paying options. I’m looking forward to that, since it will open up some lower-paying, but more rewarding options for me.

  45. Crystal C April 16, 2014 at 8:14 PM

    My fiance and I are getting married next month and I do make more than he does. Right now, we keep our fiances separate but intend to do a semi-integration after we tie the knot. He nor I have any ill feelings toward our financial situation. We both just want to make the best decisions for us both.

  46. Abby April 16, 2014 at 11:07 PM

    I make more than my boyfriend. We’re already implementing Farnoosh’s first recommendation, as he handles 98% of the cooking. I do feel frustrated that most of the burden of saving for a house, retirement, and our future kids’ college tuition is on me, but the frustration due to making more than my bf is overshadowed by frustration due to my company’s stagnant wages over the past 6 years…

  47. Chung April 17, 2014 at 12:16 AM

    I made more than my husband. I don’t want to bring up the salary topics as I don’t want him to feel bad about not bringing home as much as I do. We both put in all of our salary into a joint account so we are earning and spending the same pot of money regardless of who put it in.

  48. Kristen April 17, 2014 at 10:15 AM

    I do make more money than my husband, actually. He’s in school for a PhD, so I’m working jobs that a) aren’t that interesting to me b) not helping MY career. Sometime’s it’s pretty hard, especially because I’d love to get my career on track (I’m almost 28, not getting any younger!) but for now, I cover most of the bills as he goes through school. Good thing I like him! ;)

  49. kristin April 17, 2014 at 11:49 AM

    I make 3x as much as my husband. It doesn’t seem to bother him. I also do all of our family financials, (MBA in finance + spreadsheet nerd) but do my best to keep him up to date. Sometimes he participates and sometimes he doesn’t.

    1. J. Money April 18, 2014 at 9:20 PM

      Who are you, SuperWoman? :)

  50. Heather April 18, 2014 at 5:23 AM

    I make more than my husband – we got married right after college; I started a great full time career right away, but he had gotten a science degree. He worked really hard in college, was in the honors program, and is five times smarter than me, yet with some college degrees, there just aren’t jobs out there without going back for more school. He tried finding a serious job to do for a year or so until starting professional school, but ended up as a cashier. It was really annoying and embarrassing to me (and didn’t necessarily bother him) for a while, knowing we were both capable and college-educated, but I was bringing home the bacon and he was making minimum wage part time! I love my career, but I felt like I was holding up everything while he watched Netflix all day! (Even though I completely understood that he tried hard to find a good job and there just weren’t a lot of options.) We talked to a family counselor about it, who assured us that we weren’t the only ones in that situation, and to hold on to hope that our situation will eventually change. I had also been extremely frustrated that I was working more, but also doing all the housework, while he didn’t seem to be doing anything house-related but paying the bills online. It turned out, all I needed to do was tell him I felt overwhelmed, and ask specifically for help around the house. We made a deal that he’d do all the laundry and dishes, and things went so much better after that! It took some time for us to realize how we were going to go about it all as a team, but now that we’ve come to terms with it and made a plan, we’re happy!

  51. jackstanton April 18, 2014 at 4:00 PM

    this is sort of tangential — but I find it fascinating as a man who always been the primary breadwinner, about how many women speak to the stress of the responsibility of that (and how, as Farnoosh comments, it often means you’re also in charge of family finances, bills, planning etc) yet, it’s one of those things that primary breadwinning men have rarely been credited for. Couples are partners, and that doesn’t always mean dividing every job equally. But appreciating your partner for what they “bring to the table” is critical — no matter which gender is earning. I have seen this issue (women earning significantly more than men) grow and it definitely affects relationships — although I think my kids generation handles it better — so there’s hope!

  52. Pepperonies April 19, 2014 at 12:49 PM

    I do make more money than my man. I admire his ability to handle it, but I worry that it will become an issue if we get married, since our spending habits are different.

  53. J. Money April 23, 2014 at 11:45 AM


    The two lucky winners are…. dum dum dum… Sarah Harper and Savvy Financial Latina!

    Congrats guys. Watch for a note from me or Farnoosh soon :) Thanks for participating everyone! We’ll be doing another fun giveaway soon…

    And don’t forget: You can still pre-order Farnoosh’s book here!

  54. Heidi Thompson May 1, 2014 at 12:20 PM

    I make more and I mentioned this book to my husband who responded with “I’d prefer you make more so I can just mooch off of you”. Fair enough lol.