โItโs raining farts!โ
Thatโs what my four year old proudly exclaimed as he busted into our bedroom the other morning :) Very typical of him, always trying to break the โno potty talkโ rule since you obviously canโt enforce it when youโre laughing right alongside him (!!).
Kids are experts at this. Pushing the limits of fun, and reminding us adults not to be so damn serious all the time. When did we have so many rules, anyways?? When did we get too good for fart jokes???
My plan was to sit down this morning and talk about something probably pretty boring in my kidsโ eyes, but this Fart Storm continues to brew and I just canโt get myself to write anything adult-like.
So weโre not.
Instead, I proclaim today National โFinancial Joke Day!โ Where we take the day off from being so serious about our money and careers, and instead share the gift of laughter.
Iโve spent my hours wisely this morning coming up with a handful of good jokes for yโall, and your mission today is to enjoy them and then match โem to others in your life who will equally appreciate them. Not only will they love you for breaking up their boring day too (lucky them!), but perhaps itโll also spark some good money chats?
I want a full report by the end of the day please :)
******
For the lawyers in your life:
On his deathbed, a wealthy man gathered his priest, his accountant, and his lawyer together. He had spent his life amassing a fortune and he couldnโt stand the thought of being parted with it.
He made each of them swear to withdraw 1/3 of his money and sneak it into his coffin at his funeral so that he would be buried with it. He died soon after.
Following the funeral the three men were walking back to their vehicles and begin talking to each other about the deceased manโs odd request.
The priest said โForgive me, for I have sinned. I withheld 10% of my portion of his fortune from his coffin so that I could help the poor.โ
The accountant said โI too have not followed his instructions exactly. I withheld 20% of my portion of his fortune as compensation for my services.โ
The lawyer said โShame on you both! I followed his instructions perfectly: I left a check for my full portion in his coffin.โ
For your landlord friends:
A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman known for her charity.
โPlease, maโam,โ he says when she opens up, โcan you help this poor, tragic family down the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. Theyโre about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone can pay their rent.โ
โThatโs the worst thing Iโve ever heard in my life!โ says the woman. โMay I ask who you are?โ
โIโm their landlord.โ
For all the stock brokers out there:
A stock broker was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived on scene, the broker complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
โOfficer, look what theyโve done to my Bimmer!โ
โYou stock brokers are so materialistic, itโs ridiculousโ retorted the officer. โYouโre so worried about your stupid BMW, you didnโt even notice that your left arm was ripped off.โ
โOh, my!โ screamed the broker, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. โMy Rolex!โ
For the politicos!
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
โGive me your money,โ he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, โYou canโt do this โ Iโm a US Congressman!โ
โIn that case,โ replied the robber, โGive me MY money!โ
For everyone who thinks mighty high of themselves:
A guy was taking a smoke break with one of his non-smoking colleagues.
โHow long have you been smoking for?โ the colleague asks.
โThirty years,โ says the smoker.
โThirty years!โ marvels the co-worker. โThat costs so much money. At a pack a day, youโre spending $1,900 a year. Had you instead invested that money at an 8% return for the last 30 years, youโd have $250,000 in the bank today. Thatโs enough to buy a Ferrari!โ
The smoker looked puzzled.
โDo you smoke?โ he asked his co-worker.
โNo.โ
โSo where is your Ferrari?โ
For the teachers out there:
A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class.
One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was โfrugal.โ She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves. She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word.
The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand. Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story:
โThere once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldnโt get out. One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing. The princess called out of the tower, โFrugal me! Frugal me!โ So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after.โ
For your children:
Where does a fish keep his money?
In a River-bank!
For your grown children:
Did you hear about the dry cleaner whoโs been accused of money laundering?
Heโs ironing out a deal.
And lastly, for all the slackers in your life ;)
RELEASE THEM INTO THE WORLD!!
******
More to choose from here: You Will Read These Money Jokes AND LIKE THEM!
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Hahahaha!!! I needed a good laugh this morning. I am always a sucker for some of the simple stupid jokes.
I share one (non-financial related)
What does a fish say when it hits a wall?
Dam!!!โ
Thanks for sharing!!!
Ohh my wife is going to love that one!
But did you hear what the wall said to the fish who ran into it? โDumb bass.โ
LOVE. IT.
Loved them all. Some are โclassicsโ, but there were quite few I never read before.
Itโs great to know how to stop being too serious about money, at least from time to time :D
For times when the market is down (thankfully this doesnโt apply right now, but we all know its coming again someday).
โI lost everything when the market turned but I sleep like a baby every nightโฆ
I wake up crying ever hour until my wife consoles me.โ
Haha, yup โ classic :)
(Though of course for us money nerds itโs more like prime time opportunity buying! The thrift stores of stocks!!)
Great stuff! Thanks for the laughs on a rainy Wednesday morning. I especially like the one about the lawyer leaving a check in the coffin and the last one about getting off facebook.
I have 5 kids, and you are so right, I was getting boring before they came along! I am amazed at how humorous they can find the word โpoopโ. If you simply say it, everyone starts giggling, including my wife, but thatโs another story. Thanks for the jokes, I needed a good laugh today!
To add one to your list: Someone who is shining the best light on their situation:
โIโm currently boycotting any company that sells items I canโt afford.โ
Haha โ I like that one!
Thanks for making us smile today, J$ Hereโs mine:
A Client asks his advisor, โIs all of my money really gone?โ
The advisor responds, โOf course not, itโs just with somebody else!โ.
How true that is :)
I think the landlord one was my favorite.
I farted in my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
Okay โ now THAT one I am going to steal.
Your son has discovered some comedy gold. Fart jokes have been around as long as man, and they never get old :)
My kids love potty jokes. I canโt stop it. Mr. Mt is no help at all in this one area. Actually he might be the instigator. His family is Australian. I blame that. =)
Ha! We are laughing so hard at the princess that needs a good frugaling. Thanks for lightening the day.
Tom @ HIP
And people say being frugal isnโt fun ;)
Thanks for cheering me up. My kid loves potty jokes too. The new rule is you can only say poop in the restroom. Seems to work pretty well so far.
The landlord one is great.
You must have magic powers because we say the same thing and it just goes right out our kidsโ ears! Weโve resorted to taking away snacks and TV time now, and even then the power of the poop laughs still overcome them ;)
OMG I laughed the loudest at the joke for kids. I have a Dad Joke sense of humor and I love those. Thanks for the giggles. :)
Great jokes. Always good to laugh! :)
Toddler BITAโs cousin (the same age as her) was visiting us recently. They spent the better part of one evening in the garden running to where the dog had pooped, pointing at the poop, yelling โpoopโ and then running like giggling maniacs all over the garden. Rinse and repeat.
Haha sounds about rightโฆ And you canโt tell them to stop because itโs literally a fact!!
Hardy har har lol. Thanks for brightening up the mood J$; def canโt be serious all the time, no fun in that.
How do you make Holy water?
Boil the hell outta it!
Thatโs awesome :)
Oh dear.. those puns were truly awful. Most excellent! :D
I donโt normally blow my own horn like this, but I recently posted some of my favourite money quotes from pop-culture. Completely unedited I swearโฆ like this gem โโMy name is Inigo Montoya, you budget poorly, prepare to die!โโ โ have a chuckle if youโd like: http://firebythirtyfive.blogspot.com.au/2017/04/money-quotes-you-missed-in-pop-culture.html
Haha.. looking forward to clicking that link :)
Thanks J Money! Nothing like a good laugh. And I loved reading all the comments as well.
Fart jokes are great. I released a long one before bedtime tonight. My 2 year old looks up and said โdaddy fartsโ. It was quite cute and he had a huge smile on his face.
The Facebook joke is quite brilliant.
I bet your kids love you :)
Ha ha, I love a good money joke! Being the mother of three boys, you can imagine the types of jokes that are found funny in my house.
My favorite โboy momentโ was when we visited Washington DC and rode on the subway. The stop called โFoggy Bottomโ made my older boys hysterical with laughter. All because it had the word โbottomโ in it.
Ooooh Iโll have to take my boys along that path โ weโre only a few miles awayโฆ Would be the highlight of their day too :)
Hahaha, thanks for brightening my day! Just in case you didnโt already know this existed, here is something your four year old will love: https://www.amazon.com/Story-Little-Mole-Search-Whodunit/dp/081094457X. TBH, I think the English title is kinda lame โ in Dutch this story is literally called The Little Mole Who Wants To Know Who Pooped On His Head. Kids love it :).
WOAHHH!!! It will be their next birthday present! Hahaโฆ. Good one.
haha! The Facebook is my favorite for real life. I liked the stock broker and the politico also. :)
Haha, I loved the facebook one and the one about the smoker and the Ferrari (will teach me to not be too judgemental), but my favorite has to be the โfrugal meโ one :)
Speaking of farts, I am always entertained by big sign posts on roads in Germany wishing me a โGute (good) Fahrtโ!
Fahrt is German for a ride, trip, or path.
Also, as a child, I never understood why people need to work for money:
Me: Mom, I donโt want to go to the kindergarten. Why donโt you stay at home today?
Mom: I have to go to work.
Me: Why do you have to go to work every day?!
Mom: To make money.
Me: (absolutely puzzled) Canโt you just get the money from the bank?!
Hahaโฆ. love all of this :)
LOL THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS! This post definitely just made Saturday way better โ my favorite one is the โwhere is your ferrariโ
Laughter is part of being wealthy, thanks for helping us be more wealthy today.
Yeah it is :)
So fun! I love these! Thanks for brightening my day
A genie came to me and asked, โWhatโs your first wish?โ
I answered, โI wish I was rich!โ
Then the genie said, โWhatโs your second wish, Rich?โ
YES YES YES!!!
Totally had to tweet that one :)
These are great! BTW I deleted Facebook, and couldnโt be happier :)
So beautiful, isnโt it? :)
Just please tell me how to get my friends/relatives to email/call/mail me instead of FB messaging me and I will quit FB, too.
If they canโt find you they canโt FB you!
(And then they also only reach out when stuffโs important because it takes โeffortโ โ hah)