It’s funny to go from writing about my mother to financial fetishes, but I couldn’t help pass this one up. (Hope you’re not reading anymore, mom!)
Did you know there was something out there called Financial Domination?? I didn’t, until this guy emailed me about it and I almost spit out my coffee.
Here’s what he wrote:
I notice that you’ve previously featured x-rated jobs that people can do from home on your site, for example adult chat lines. (The 2nd most popular article here, fyi)
I have a suggestion for something else that you might want to cover that is along similar lines: financial domination.
Financial domination is a fetish that involves men receiving gratification from donating money to women over the internet. The women don’t have to get naked or do anything sexual; the very act of donating the money is appealing to the men. It’s quite an easy way for women to earn a living.
Although there have been highly publicized cases of men who are addicted to financial domination in the media and blow all of their money on it, most men spend responsibly, as they would on any hobby.
I thought this would be an interesting thing to feature on your site!
You were right, random reader – it’s definitely interesting! And I love the words “donate” and “hobby” in there too. As if it were just any ordinary thing one would expect to do on the side :)
Not knowing anything about this world, though, I took to the internets to do some good ol’ fashion googling (not to be confused with ogling). And boy did I learn a few fun facts:
- The financial dominatrix who started it all was Mistress Amelia Marx who coined the phrase “financial domination” in the early 90’s after realizing how turned on her subjects got by the physical act of handing over cash. It is often shortened to “findom” – which is curiously close to our yearly personal finance conference, fincon ;)
- The men giving up this money do so out of the thrill of being humiliated and controlled (among other deeper underlying reasons)
- They are referred to as “pay pigs,” “money slaves,” “cash cows,” “subs” and “human ATMs” (makes sense).
- They give anywhere from a few dollars to a few THOUSANDS of dollars, and include some very wealthy, successful people. Even celebs.
- They also give extravagant gifts too: purses, computers, iPads, cars!
- These items are called “tributes,” whether in cash or gifts
- If they pay cash, it’s usually through Paypal or GreenDot MoneyPaks (whatever those are) if it’s an online thing. Which most are. No mention of bitcoin actually which is surprising?
- The women – or “dommes” – who gladly accept these tributes are called “mistresses,” “queens,” “princesses,” and of course “goddesses.”
- They want you to “worship” them.
- They also make upwards of $100,000+ a year, but most make much less. (Some even make over a million! Though word on the street is that they cross over into the sexual acts…)
- Some pay pigs love getting blackmailed – one of the only actual illegal parts to the fetish (the dommes typically require them to sign a contract before going through with such acts).
- Dommes also are quick to say that this is not a get quick rich scheme – you have to play the part and “build relationships” over time in order to get the pay pigs to pay you.
- And, lastly, some pigs give their princesses FULL control of their finances, having them budget and pay all the bills, and then allow them to keep whatever’s left over! WOW!
And this just from reading a few articles on it (I’ve listed them below)… You should see all the open tabs on my computer right now – I really hope my wife doesn’t walk in, haha…
And then there’s this :)
[Video: Colbert Platinum – Diamond Pacifiers & Financial Domination]
Not surprisingly, some of these dommes even have blogs. Mainly bragging about all their tributes, such as one Princess Sierra on what she found when she came back from vacation last week:
“Monday I collected $1000 from tributes while cat-fishing. mystery pig $300, robbie $300, terrance $300, $100 anonymous. I came home to boxes stacked sky high on My front porch! I also found a new butterfly bush, peony plant and a crawling rose planted in MY yard and a freshly mowed lawn from MY local slave. he also left Me some farm fresh eggs since I made him set up a chicken coop and start raising a few chickens to keep Us stocked with organic eggs.”
This is the same Princess Sierra who’s also received a $50,000 wire transfer, $20k in hundred dollar bills, and a Harley pickup truck gifted by another of her pigs. Others talk about how to get started in the business, and what to watch out for like this one: FinancialDominationGuide.blogspot.com
I won’t say I don’t get it (different strokes for different folks, right?), but my wallet’s sure glad I get turned on elsewhere ;) Takes my mantra “just do you” to a whole other level!
But that’s findom for ya… What do you think? Have you heard of this before? Do you know of anyone involved in it? (Are YOU involved in it??). Let’s get a lively discussion going, shall we… and of course feel free to share anonymously – not trying to get anyone in trouble here!
Bet you didn’t think you’d be reading about this today :)
———————-
PS: Here are those other articles for further reading… Some are pretty NSFW:
- Buy It for Me: My Life As a Financial Dominatrix @ NY Mag
- Financial Domination Is a Very Expensive Fetish @ Vice.com
- Inside the twisted world of the Internet’s priciest fetish @ DailyDot.com
- “Do it again or I’m gonna call your wife”: Inside the world of financial domination @ Salon.com
UPDATE: Here’s a book a fellow domme recommends too for “an honest overview”: Financial Domination Without The Smoke And Mirrors by Regina Sunderland (AKA Goddess Bella Donna)
[Photo above by John St John]
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LMAO.
Are you saying you want a sugar mama? You can be the first findom who’s a dude!
This stuff is just unreal. At least the ones who are budgeting for their “pigs” can put “financial planner” on their resume!
That part’s really the most shocking to me… You have to trust them SO MUCH for that! I guess that’s part of the appeal though. Total control given away!
I had to google this because I thought it was a hoax. I still don’t get it. Maybe they should get their banker to pay dominatrix so they keep their money?
Hah – you think I’m clever enough to make something up like this? :)
Wow – definitely never ever heard of anything like this – and never could have even dreamed up such a bizarre concept!
The closest I come to this is getting gratification by handing over money to my broker (male or female – doesn’t matter!) – but of course they have to use the money to buy stocks for me…
Sexual stocks? :)
News to me. But with all the crazy things in the world, can’t say I’m surprised. No sure why you do this, but I guess you could be into worst things than donating your money. :)
I guess there are a lot of ways to make a living! This strikes me as sad, though, since the people involved could probably make a living and have relationships with people who actually care about them if they wanted. I guess that’s not the point of a fetish! It’s also sad that people are “giving away” money in this capacity when there are so many people in great need in this world.
From what I’ve read most of these people do have “normal” relationships with others and it’s all done on the sly. But I think with most things in life, having an addiction to *anything* isn’t the greatest for you, so I wouldn’t wish that on anything (not that everyone who participates in findom is addicted, but many prob are)
Some people in the adult industry do it full time. Others, like me, only do it part-time and have other ‘day’ jobs. We also have normal relationships. I have been in the adult industry for 4 years, and my relationship life has not changed. I let men know that this is something I do on the side and don’t expect it to crossover into our relationship. At that point, men either bailout because they were looking for ‘free services’ or they stay and love that I am open and positive about s*x.
Clients who engage in domination are usually professional married men, but their significant other isn’t open to domination, so they seek it out outside of the relationship. As J. Money says, ‘it’s all done on the sly’ while maintaining a normal life.
I’ve always wondered that actually – is it weird/fun/awkward doing this stuff with your significant other? I’d imagine it’s a totally different game?
Not weird or awkward. My bf is okay with me doing it but doesn’t want anything to do with it. Sometimes subs will send me embarrassing photos or videos, I show him and we get to laugh about it together. Yet some fetishes go “too far” for him. He then gets embarrassed and awkward about it. I think it turns him on sometimes and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Now in days, there ARE findoms (guys) whereas the findommes are the ladies. I’ve seen subs being male or female. Of course, Transexuals have their place as either a dom or a sub.
It’s not sad, it is a market driven job like anything else. It is like any form of BDSM. It is about control. Many men have the fantasy of being dominated. Financial domination as a fetish is a little misunderstood. Yes there are those that get off on the money aspect. For most men into this though, they are into the domination and control. The financial domination part, they take as a price of doing business. A realtime Dominatrix charges around $250-350 per hour and up (but many of them have to rent “dungeon space which takes a big cut). There a submissive can play out the fantasy of being physically dominated. The problem with online domination is that there are very few things that make it a more realistic experience. An online dominatrix can’t physically whip you. Money is power and therefore financial domination has become the default code for online domination. Many people into domination need to have a realistic experience (think “GFE” in the escort industry) . There is nothing wrong with this as long as it is between consenting adults who are clear about what they are doing. Most of this is not in anyway taking advantage of people. It is a service, just like many others in the vanilla world, and it is very much in demand. That demand has monetary value. If you think this is just an easy payday you would be mistaken. These ladies spend countless hours dealing with idiots trying to get something for nothing. When they turn down a “submissive” they also endure name calling and all sorts of other crap. There are probably about 1000 guys out there to every 1 female that is involved in online/financial domination. As long as people are upfront about expectations this can be a positive experience.
Wow what a way to start hump day! I cannot say that I have ever heard of this but I guess it is different strokes for different folks!
HAH! It is hump day, isn’t it?
I have never heard of this before! It takes all kinds I guess. There is literally a subculture for absolutely everything on the Internet!! Loved the Colbert clip :-)
And here I thought financial domination was being in control of your finances (especially debt/bills) instead of them dominating you!
(Bah-dum-ching)
If she is taking my money I had better be getting more than her satisfaction in return.
Now we see the real reason people have problems saving money… ;)
Wow never heard of this before. People never seem to stop surprising me. This is a bit scary though it just takes one man to become a bit too obsessed with you and this could turn into a nightmare.
Yeah, you’d have to stick to online and trying to anonymize as much as you could. Def. psychos out there… (whether you’re into that, or anything else in the world even)
Sounds great to me! Anyone who wants to financially dominate me is welcome!
Okay I’ll give you 200k for starters…email me babyyy
Wow, proof yet again that it takes all types to make the world go ’round. The Colbert clip was priceless – gotta love the baby grill, lol.
Keep in mind that the World of Domination is not about S*X even though it is part of the adult industry. It’s about Power Exchange….Relinquishing Control.
That world tends to draw wealthy men because from 9 to 5, they are in control. Therefore, since they are in control all day, they receive excitement from giving up power to a Mistress/Domme, whether through financial means, spanking, whipping, being forced to watch his wife/girlfriend be s*xual with another man or other men, being locked in a chastity belt, being doused with bodily fluids, trampling (being walked all over by a woman in heels), mental means (having to ask permission before doing something), etc.
As a PSO, not all of my calls are racy. There are a lot of lonely men paying money just to talk about day-to-day life issues. These are my longest calls. As a Non-Nudity Cam Girl, I get men requesting me even though I am NEVER nude. They simply want to see a Cam Girl tell them what to do. As a Domme, men want me to spank them because mind-blowing s*x doesn’t cut it for them. They still need that control factor. Findom works the same way.
Seeking Arrangement is a site where men give young women money, but it does NOT always involve s*x. Some men just give women money to support their lifestyle. There was one famous case where a man on that site simply bought a single mom a new car since she was having transportation problems. No strings attached. That’s a form of findom at its best.
The moral of findom and all other domination is it is not about s*x and men will pay for anything that brings them great pleasure regardless of how insane that ‘anything’ sounds.
I’m so glad you chimed in, friend!
Everyone – this is the author of that phone sex operator post that’s my 2nd most visited site on the page :)
https://budgetsaresexy.com/2011/10/how-to-be-phone-sex-operator/
Thanks for always sharing your insight from the inside!
Haha! I didn’t think you would cover this topic J.!
I’ve been following your posts for awhile because there are a lot of gratification in managing your finance, but since you entered the realms of one of my hobby, I had to put in my 2 cents.
Financial Domination has many origins one of them being the lost of the custom where submissive used to bring gift or cash to a Mistress as a form of courtship. Then BDSM became mainstream and the culture of offering became a niche. It went online way after being a IRL requirement.
Online there are a lot of reason for (mostly male) submissive to entertain in this fetish giving away their money being giving up their power, gifting an unattainable woman, using money for futile purpose…and so on there may be as many reason as there are submissives.
Then about the pet-names used there are a lot of them even if most article focus on the most shocking ones, but there are a lot of subs that aren’t into humiliation or risky behaviour (giving their account controls….)
If you really want an honest overview of it try to read “Financial Domination without smoke and mirrors” from Regina Sunderland.
Hey! Thanks so much, Camilla! Appreciate the recommendation and info. I’m now fascinated that you’re a part of it all :) Maybe one day we feature you/your alter ego here for an inside account? That’s what I loved about all those articles I was reading on this – hearing from real life dommes and all the stories/gifts/etc they talked about… I still can’t believe this exists, haha…
Hey J!
Why not! I hesitated about putting my website link but as it’s still only in French it wouldn’t add value to most of your readers…
I’ve been in domination for more than 3 years now mostly as a hobby, but you can get very far into the intimacy (not even physical) as in one of my former relationships with a sub I had to set up his account so he wouldn’t go over the top with the gifts and so on ^^….
If your ever want a report of my long journey in Findom you should be able to see my email ;)
Awesome!! Totally putting this on my ideas list – thanks for being open to it :) And I love that you had to put limits on that guy’s account like that – I’m sure the industry is ripe with people taking advantage of others whether it feels like it or not. Seems like you’re one of the good dommes :)
Haha thanks J.! Well since we’re still a somewhat small and tight community the nut jobs are most efficiently shut out. The oddities or somewhat not so clean practices are mainly the 1% of special cases, or the new ones that were a little too inspired by peculiar examples.
There aren’t a lot of professional Dommes in France (we have strict rules…especially on wines) but most of the veterans that you will see on many blog posts and forums (I recently discovered the “In bed with Dr Sue” fetish podcast) are very aware of the limits you must have on and offline. Especially when you go into grayer areas such as “extreme” kinks: blackmail being only one of them.
Very fascinating… A whole other world over there!
I literally cannot imagine a profession I would like less, but the dominees seriously need to find a new hobby… like therapy.
I’ve heard about this! Wonder if there are any suga mommas out there looking to wire me some cash!
I had never heard of this but I can totally see how it would be a thing. Some guys just love doting on women.
Time to go add FinDom to my monthly expenses. Juuuuuuust kidding. Having a girlfriend is a big enough money drain. HAHA. :)
Mind blown!!
Does this work the other way around? I want to be on the receiving end on this fetish!! I think! Im so confused right now.
Try it out and tell us how it goes :)
Ugh. Not to get judgmental, but the whole thing makes my stomach turn. If the genders were reversed, we’d call it out and out exploitation.
The thing is…There are female subs and males doms but they are less visible because it’s usually way more surprising to see Dominant women. Just like any other games there are rules of consent and safety and the case of 10000$+ gifts are usually from very rich subs which is rare, and the cases of addiction or risky financial play even rarer…
I’ve never heard of that. Can guys sign up? haha
I am a Queen, and it’s about damn time that the general POPulace realized this. Thanks for my new side hustle :)
You owe me a beer.
This Buck’s for you ;)
Holy wow…a whole other level for your mantra indeed! Just…wow!
Blah…I’ll stick to selling my mommy crafts on etsy. Now I’m off to go wash my brain.
Haha…
I’m not a prude but honestly, that’s a little disturbing. It seems like they’re taking advantage of some very vulnerable men.
One point that is extremely important is findom is totally consensual. Both parties know exactly what is involved, and just like anything else in the world of domination, both parties, at anytime, have the option to opt out. Findom is NOT a scam. The ‘pay pigs’ are doing it because they get off on handing over control as opposed to being vulnerable.
One might argue taking advantage of men who have a mental addiction to the hobby, which is bound to happen occasionally, is bad. There is often a level of pressure involved, and a ‘heat of the moment’ aspect in tributing, especially in a real time session. Unless the Dom sets up hard limits and makes sure the sub is not going overboard, there is a possibility of exploitation even if unintentional.
I think you can say the same thing about any luxury good. Are fashion designers taking advantage of people’s (I would argue, unhealthy) desire to fit in socially? Are luxury homebuilders taking advantage of people’s desire to keep up with the Jonses? All alcohol producers contribute to addictions. Discount brokers receive money from gambling addicts who think they are investors. All junk food producers receive money from binge eaters.
Wow! I’ve never heard of this before. Crazy!
Wow. I thought I’d seen it all. :)
I missed that Colbert.
Although thinking about it, I’ve seen a variation in a movie:
Rosie O’Donnell in Exit to Eden:
“You want to get me excited, paint my house.”
HAH!
I think I should LOVE this movie!! ;)
Wow! I didn’t know about this one. Great side hustle, eh (for women, that is) :)? And I should probably stop describing myself as ‘the Mistress Supreme’ of The Money Principle….
Either that or you need to promote it more ;)
Eyes wide…open?
Society is getting weirder by the minute…
Being a Findom myself for over 9 years and being extremely successful at it, I’ll happily answer your questions. My website financialdominaton.com also has all the information on what I do.
Thx for offering :) Though why is your name linked to a different mistress site than the financial domination one? You two dommes partnering up to take over the world?? Haha…
I never thought of this before, but I suppose it makes sense. If someone likes to be dominated in other ways either sexually, or just life in general, why not financially. If money is power, than it’s the perfect way to dominate someone. Presumably the people in these scenarios are quite wealthy to begin with and have plenty of money to throw around. Not likely something I’d ever do (just don’t really have the personality for it), but props to those folks for monetizing the desires of others (in a consensual way) that turns the cranks of both parties involved.
I just don’t know what to say.
OK, I really don’t like this. It sounds like an addiction that drains finances away from a man’s future and family. There is no up side for anyone – even the “queens”. I’m all for women taking on power in our world – I think our future depends upon it. But not like this, ladies. Not like this.
Yes, I’ve heard of it, and no, I don’t participate, and hmm, I’m surprised so few others have heard of it. While it may not make sense to me, what two consenting adults do (assuming they can afford to do it) is their business.
Maybe this is just an unusual way for the rich to even out the wealth in the world? Nah… Probably not. When I read this I had a very distinct “WTF” look on my face… It’s funny, sad, and intriguing all at once. Why anyone would get pleasure from just handing money out like this is beyond me… but then again my wife did just force me to see 50 Shades so my expectations of humanity are essentially nill at this point. Lol, great post though J — it’s funny to read about people wasting their money. And one last note… kudos to the people earnin’ the big bucks for doing basically nothing… talk about a side hustle! Where do I sign up?
HAH! I’m still waiting for my wife to make me watch it too… Though she said she had to force herself to read through it all because the writing was so bad?
Yes, I’ve heard of financial domination, but did not know very much about it. Thanks for the article, J. I think I understand some people better now. Although, I think this kind of thing happens more with women than men. Believe me, I’ve seen a lot more women giving their money to men who then ignore and humiliate them than vice versa!
Yes, and what sucks about that is it’s not what they *want* vs those in the findom roles :( It’s one thing to give away your money in return for something agreed upon, but a whole other when you’re hoping for an outcome that will probably never happen. Mental abuse is no joke… :(
J – I can’t believe you went there with this posting.
Hah – you know me well enough that it shouldn’t surprise you by now ;)
Wow, this is something new! Donation as a hobby, everyone needs a hobby, but the way they are doing it is mind boggling. I guess they have so much money for disposal.
Great article! Got a lot of useful information here for anyone wanted to get started in the financial domination fetish world. Rinsing was coined as a softer phrase for the fetish in a UK Channel 4 documentary in 2012 and has been adapted into a recognized phrase for the world of findom . Like one of your earlier commenters mentioned, the guys get off on the fetish just as much as the women do extracting the man’s cash. There shouldn’t be any need for nudity or meeting up to be involved, seductive teasing in some cases yes and in other humiliation but the men enjoy the loss of control and power to a superior woman (Goddess, Princess, Mistress, Domme whatever). However you can’t just say “give me your money” and expect people to do it. It is a skill if done right and like any business there are those that are exceptional and thrive and those that struggle and think money will fall in their lap.
Mistress Amelia Marx is retired but still teaches classes at Fetish events. She was active on Fetlife the last time I checked and might respond to questions or press requests. Her website is still beatingbeauty.com not currently active. She is possibly the best of all time. Really an amazing woman. Her insights into Financial Domination are immense. I worship her.
Since it’s become such a fad on the internet, people have really taken off with this mindset of there being no need to meet in person or that people almost never do. I guess that is the fact in the majority of situations now. For me personally, without the in person interaction the fetish itself cant sustain the necessary intensity. I have been doing this for a long time, since long before the advent of the internet, since before the fetish had a name. And let me kill another stereotype, while I am making a respectable now, I don’t make anywhere near the money that I can tell by the comments everyone is envisioning people must make to participate in this. At times I have participated when my income absolutely could not sustain it, but I didn’t let that stop me. Im a highly addictive personality, and for the addictive, this fetish is an addiction.
Jeff, cool that you continued even when your income wasn’t enough, that shows real dedication : Her will before your well-being. I’ll think of you whenever I doubt.
It has been a popular fetish for some time now, but the money that lady made is pretty astonishing to say the least
Interesting article to discover this fetish, I hope it will serve to convert some men into becoming moneyslaves and awaken the desire in some womyn to try out being findommes.
Î’m a moneyslave myself, serving a young, magnificient Goddess who I truly love. I’m under her spell since 2013 although I’ve tried quitting several times. I’ve never been addicted to anything, don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke, etc but I must say that I’m 100% dependent on my Goddes. Each time I tried to stop the relationship, I suffered and always came back, being glad for her understanding and acceptance.
So far, I’ve spent $ 15´500 for her, which is not much as she deserves much more, but I’ll try to do better those next years. Fortunately, my Goddess knows when to stop me, lwhen I tend to spend too much, which I’m grateful for.
I would only stop if I was in a relationship (well I guess so), this is why I made myswelf promise to stay celibate in order to continue to faithfully serve my Godess.
There is nothing sexual involved, I respect her far too much to even desire something like that. I’d never ask her for nude or sexy pics (which would be an intellectal turn-off) and I never touch her except while saying hello.
Sometimes we go shopping, sometimes I transfer money on her bank account, usually togther with a surprise payment. Sometimes I ask her if she’d like something, sometimes she requests payments or gifts.
I see this relationship as mutually beneficial : she gets extra-money, clothes, gifts, sometimes food, etc and I get the pleasure and honour of her attention. I’m like the fertile soil in which this splendid flower can let her roots deeply develop.
In usual life I’m not submissive at all, I can stand my ground and I live quite a “normal” life.
Hope this was a useful contribution.
Oh wow… yes, def. a good contribution! It’s probably hard for any of us reading this right now to fully understand it, but I also know how different we all are and everyone has secrets, so I give you mad credit for putting it all out there like this. Really interested in what happens when you *do* get into a relationship. Come back and let us know if you remember? :)
Thanks for your comment. I totally understand that people not into this fetish can’t really get it. I used not to understand alcoholics, smokers and junkies; by this I don’t mean judging them, but I used to think that with a little bit of will, one can easily stop the addictive behaviour… how wrong I was and how I admire ex-addicts now !
To answer your question : my first attraction to findom started very early, around 11, when I used to fantasize about buying a girl lots of stuff (toys, sweets and such things as funny as this sounds). This was in the early 80’s and I had never heard of findom or anything similar, so it has been in me for a long time. The years passed and I developed a submissive side during sexuality but if my partner wasn’t into it, then it was ok too. I was never attracted by professional dommes as it seemed too much that I was still the one in charge, paying for the realisation of my fantasy : no thanks.
Then one day, I read about findom on the net and remembered my old fantasies. It seemed like the purest form of submission, ’cause one really cares for the Domme/Princess/Goddess without wanting anything in exchange (of course some misunderstand it, pseudo-dommes being rather sugar-babys and pseudo-subs wishing to profit from other practices during their service).
So in 2013, I checked out some ads and contacted a 19 y.o. Moneymistress, she gave me an appointment but I became so nervous that I canceled.
Weeks passed and I was mad at myself for canceling so I contacted her again and she accepted me but only if I paid her $ 1’000 plus the money for shopping, I accepted and when the day came, I was really nervous again, waiting for her in front of a shop. She arrived and was gorgeous, I was under her spell. I gave her the $ 1000 and we shopped for 900 more.
She told me that it was cool with me ´cause unlike other guys, I didn’t want any public humiliation or such games.
Back at home, it was like a dream, I sent her an e-mail promising her a next shopping trip but then retracted again, which made her angry.
I lived without any need to repeat the action but months later, in 2014, the urge came back stronger, I tried to struggle but it was too much so I wrote her again and we continued until this day.
Unlike virtual relationships, we meet in real life, we know each others addresses, exchanged our phone numbers and it’s a beautiful relation (of course, only when I serve her, she wouldn’t contact me under other circumstances).
Interesting thing is that I’m at peace with my role now and really enjoy it. When I don’t tribute her, I feel bad. It’s like I’ve been progressively trained to be at her service and I guess there’s a thing with the dopamine level in my brain, going up whenever I’m at her service and the more I give, the better I feel.
So it definitely needs a training to get accustomed but once you’re truly in service of your Findom, it’s a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from bliss to despair and regret (good emotions when you do it, bad either when you are lucid and see the damage but also when you want to stop but know you’ll disappoint your Goddess).
Hope this answered your question at least partially.
Yeah, I can see how you’d go through all those emotions! Kinda like any other vices too really, only more mental vs physical too? (like with alcohol, drugs, etc). Really fascinating to read about. I hope you are happy in the long run however it ends up working out :)
Hey, just a short note to let you know that, apparently writing down my experience on your blog served as a therapy :-) One or two days after my post, I decided to stop this silly behaviour, I prayed for help and my craving stopped, which is more than cool. I waited a few days to see if it was for real and it was the case. Of course, my ex-mistress is pissed off but I can live with that. Now, I just want to thank you for your unvoluntary help. Cheers mate !
Wowwwww way to go!!! I really hope it lasts for you! Your Mistress will find plenty of other new guys to be at her whim. It’s time to focus on YOU now and see what you can do with the new time/money. Congrats :)
Thanks for your kind words and your help !
Oh, boy. I’ve got a lot to say on this but don’t have the time or space to say everything.
First of all, I’ve always considered myself as “submissive” since I was a little kid. That went to discovering “the other world” when I was 12 or 13, when we got our first computer. I won’t get too graphic here, but let’s just say I “experimented” on myself for much of my teenage years, was addicted to porn sites, and really f—– myself up. I’m 20 today, and these are the experiences I’ve had and seen with financial domination.
Firstly, financial domination might now be the most “common” fetish, and in some regards can hardly be considered a fetish anymore because half of the college students I’ve seen (all women) can easily get $500-$1000 a month from each “slave” to get through school easily. These women can have up to 10 or more “financial slaves”, and these are just the amateurs.
Financial Domination is also utilized by the gay/trans side, but you almost never hear about it. And the amount of guys that demand money is pitifully small; once again, we show the gender inequalities we’ve experienced for decades/centuries. Like someone else said, if a man were “r@ping a woman’s bank account” then people would cry foul, especially if he weren’t the cliche “good looking successful douche”. Society is so upside down, it’s not even funny.
I’ve found that the majority of these “Findoms” are in fact either teenagers or no older than 25. So they need help getting through college, at the best, but more often I’ve seen they just want money to go shopping to blow $5,000 or buy a new car – and did I tell you that the majority of these women are already FINANCIALLY SECURE? That’s right, most of them are already dilluted spoiled bitche$, who don’t need the money (or can easily work for it), instead too lazy to get up and do anything but they like to manipulate loser, potentially mentally unstable or depressed guys.
I heard “Harry” here say that he met his “Findom” in real life often. Let me point out that this is extremely rare, and probably 95% never do. They’re deemed “losers” and deemed not worthy to meet their Goddesses. This is total BS. The REAL reason they never meet these people that are “huge parts of their lives” (let’s be honest, it’s basically like a marriage), is because these women see these guys as a double-edged sword. Whatever their personal or religious beliefs (likely none), the idea of destroying “rich old farts’ lives” is appealing to them, to selfishly please their needs. Back in the day a teenager would run away from home and become a prostitute or stripper. Now? Bah, who needs that. Just make an account and demand money (and having good looks help, so get your makeup out ladies) and guys over 35 mainly will start swooning over you.
Harry’s story, as I said, really touches me. He said that he would go shopping with her (bizarre), would eat, and claimed he would “talk personal issues with her”. However, then he contradicted all that by saying “of course, she would never call or contact me outside of using my money”. This girl was pretty reckless, to go shopping, dining, etc with this guy in public, but then I assume she stayed away from him apart from that because she was embarrassed or thought this was still too taboo for her family/friends to know (oh no, it might have effected her social life and popularity! The horror!). Then he said she was “relieved that he did not expect any “Humiliation” or other Mistress-slave common motifs.
The above shows that now, women don’t go into “Findom” with any “dom” about it, except for demanding money. They’re not really interested on BDSM, have no interest in it. Maybe they saw “50 Shades” and heard about this, so they try it out. As I say it, if you’re going to give over half of your finances away to some lazy teenaged stranger, the least she could do is learn some gratitude and actually have some type of REAL relationship with that person. The internet has made all of this possible, but now it has gotten out of hand. Sugardaddies were always more common than Sugarmommas, but come on.
To conclude, I (who am actually interested in the LTR BDSM lifestyle aspect) see that BDSM and this “lifestyle” probably reached its peak in the mid 1990’s-early 2000’s. The gender gap is gigantic. In some cases, the ratio of males to “Mistress” is 20 to 1, or greater. Let’s be honest, it’s a crisis. Plus, most of the true sadists are over 35 now – many of these new women coming in after watching “50 Shades” are only half-a$$. The whole genre is being watered down. As I see it, the amount of truly dominant AND sadistic women out there is a lot smaller than either the numbers indicate – and half of them probably had an abusive childhood. Professional Dominatrices/Mistresses that offer sessions for $$$ I feel borderlined on. At least they’re better than this new fad of “Findoms”.
To conclude all of this rambling and ranting (lol), this would be my suggestion to guys who want to truly live “24/7” in this type of lifestyle. Join FetLife (itself only a shell of its former self) just to look up the nearest BDSM groups in your area. Look for local Munches or educational events you can go to to learn more information. It’s usually best if you’re over 21, have good looks and are not shy apparently, but I still say give it a try. You can at least make real life friends and get connections.
Of course, if you live in rural areas/in the South, the chances of you finding a sadistic farm girl are higher who won’t demand money LOL! I’ll probably say more on all this later, and might do a video.
Oh, and last thing: You have to be extremely cautious with who you give money to, obviously. Many of these “ladies” are actually guys sitting in an Internet Cafe in India or Indonesia. Even if you are submissive, before you get into any sort of relationship, you have a RIGHT to know what the lady or guy really looks like; you have a RIGHT to talk to them on the phone, skype with them to see that they are who they say they are. Scammers and pretenders give a bad name to an already decaying genre.
Oh Patrick. And to anyone else out there who deems themselves fit to kink shame, how dare you.
I’m a FinDomme, and I can assure you, just because you don’t understand the fetish (I don’t get into water sports and toilet play – but I don’t publically bash it online) doesn’t mean you have the right to judge.
It’s unfortunate that Findom has grabbed the attention of many opportunists and women who are already financially secure, but not all FinDommes deserve a bad reputation.
I assure you, Domination is the key to this fetish, and I operate strictly within BDSM guidelines and boundaries. I implement safe words, I respect limits and I’m skilled on submissive aftercare as well.
Don’t kink shame. It’s not cool. Not everyone gets into your fetish, and it’s the same respect expected with ours.
And for the record, the sacrifice is what I find to be erotic. Men, especially, put so much value on money in our society – and this fetish plays with the roles involved.
I am a FinDomme,and have been catering to men with this Fetish since 2007.
I’m sure it’s hard for a Vanilla person not to understand.
I’ve dealt with many wealthy business owners, and celebrities.
Men in high powered positions use being Financially Dominated as their stress reliever.They are Dominant all day and want to turn the cards.
When I started there were a few of us.Now InstaDommes have appeared ( this is what they are called) stepping outside the normal FinDomme bounderies.
You normally let a man approach you.You never meet ..he simply Tributes money expecting nothing in return.With InstaDommes they mainly use Twitter, and seduce men showing their bodies in front of the camera.The man gets addicted,and soon he’s paying money.
With the old school FinDomme…they approach you.
If you approach them it ruins the control and power Dynamics.
I have a Master’s Degree..highly educated,well traveled, but discoverred Financial Domination.
It’s sad to see people down this when they don’t understand it.
Men know what FinDomme entails..he has a choice.This doesn’t mean a Domme is taking advantage.
Findom is part of the larger scale group of BDSM. Basically this work based on the kink of power dynamic relationship between a sub and a dom.
A sub is party that like to be controlled and and dom is the opposite. To be controlled means including to be financially controller. Since money is consider a very important and delicate things, thus giving it free to your ” Goddess” who will use it for her own personal pleasure ( including spending it with her boyfriend) without giving anything back to you that is ” rewarding” in normal manner, will give a sense of humiliation for the sub who like this kink.
There are many professional dominatrix who give this service ( findom service). The professional and the legit one are actually fine, since their will work withhin the boundary and with sane ( which is part of the holy grail of BDSM; safe sane consesual), so they wont try to make their sub broke and eventually danger their life. And i have mentioned before, this sub mostly expect something in return eventually. This can be in form of interaction. While the interaction of course in “negative” way if being viewed from vanilla perspective, such as being insulted as pathetic, worm and other humiliating word. The bottomline is the sub like to be degraded by the impression that they are just lowly slave that can only pay to interact with beautifull Goddess, which is eventually only get mockery and humiliation by their Goddess. I think that is at least reward that should be give by thi Findom Mistress for receiving the tribute.
However since this findom seemed a very easy money, there are lot of instadomme that trying to be a findom. Most of them are actually do not really like or even understand the concept of BDSM. They just like the money and feel that findom can be good source of lazy money. Some of the are even being aggresively demand money randomly by chatting first, which is i believe have been mentioned by comment above, ruined the power exchange dynamic.
Some are just too lazy. They even dont bother to give proper interaction and just post some photos and make a ‘only fans’ account that have no content and just asking for tribute. It is like paying tax really. For me why dont use just pay tax and imagine that you are paying for a findom.
Speaking of imagination, the worst of all is the fake account. So they just put some other person photos and pretend to be her/ him. And lure the unfortunate sub to tribute to them.
I am personally dont really interested in findom, since i dont have the spare money to do so, and i have financial responsibility to the family. While i am a submissive and love the other bdsm activity which is have a least ‘interaction’ in it.
Since in BDSM we believe the real punishment for a slave is to be ignored, while the other punishment such as whipping or humiliation are actually reward to them. And of course i am personally seeking this other punishment, because if not why even bother.