[Please enjoy this fun post by my dear friend, Hélène Massicotte, today – the blogger behind FreetoPursue.com, as well as our very own Book Curator at Rockstar Finance. Never know what you’re going to get logging onto this blog! ;)]
You may have heard of picturing your audience naked to help with stage fright when delivering a presentation. But what if the person who feels naked is you?
That’s where sexy underwear comes in.
I discovered this trick of confidence during my work in Corporate Canada. Tough presentation? Sexy underwear. Tough negotiations? Sexy underwear. Negotiating a raise? Sexy underwear. Job Interview? You guessed it – sexy underwear.
I used to dismiss the unseen. After all, we live in a society where showing off like a peacock is the norm. But no one sees what you’re wearing under your clothes (well, ahem, depending on your occupation).
But here’s what I discovered: sexy underwear gives us confidence. It is our secret weapon. And its power lies in the secret itself. It makes us feel great, but not because of how it looks to anyone else. It makes us feel great because only we know about it.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we’re all driven by emotional payoff. Most of the decisions we make every day are based on our emotions. CEOs, teachers, monks, scientists, bouncers, academics, comedians, volunteers, and doctors are all driven by emotions like fear, love, anger, hate, lust, joy, sadness, hope, pride, and desire.
As Dan Ariely pointed out in his book, “Payoff“:
“[M]any of our motivations spring from trying to conquer a sense of helplessness and reclaim even a tiny modicum of control over our lives.”
Whether this is due to self-preservation, a strong preference for the status quo, or for a desire to change it, emotions guide us for better or for worse.
What does that have to do with underwear? It’s a buffer. The sexy underwear stacks the deck in our favor. It resets our emotional baseline for the day. It makes us feel just a little bit more confident in ourselves, and in our work. Because we took the time to treat ourselves well, and because we decided we’re worth it even if no one else will know about it.
Of course, underwear isn’t the only way to go about doing something for ourselves that others don’t know about. We could:
- Have a meditation practice we don’t talk about where we decide we’re worth carving out twenty minutes for ourselves to do some contemplation
- Have a stretching and/or fitness routine that gives us time alone and makes us feel strong
- Perform a personal grooming ritual that makes us feel great
- Improve our skills in a given area just because it’s of interest to us
- Do something hard for the pure satisfaction of being a badass
And my personal favorite? We could save more of our income than anyone would ever suspect us to save. (Otherwise known as “stealth wealth.”)
Why? Because the only reason we would save like that is for ourselves and for our household. We’re not saving to impress others, nor are we saving because it’s flashy.
We’re saving because of how it makes us feel every second of the day.
When we need to stand up for ourselves, when we need to negotiate, when we need to say “no”, when we need to move on, our stash of savings empower us.
“Money in the bank gives one a very safe foundation of courage when bargaining…” – Napoleon Hill, “Think & Grow Rich“
The secret to all of this is keeping it to ourselves. The moment we share our secret with the world, it loses its power. It may be difficult to do in this new world of oversharing, but I urge you to find your own “sexy underwear” and then push forward in quiet confidence.
This is for you, no one else.
*******
A perpetual student, speaker, writer and coach, Hélène blogs at FreetoPursue.com and is currently on a mission to read 1,000 books (and has already knocked off 250!). She can also be found at Rockstar Finance, as well as on Twitter @FreePursue.
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I have to admit that when I have a bad day at work I take a look at my investments/bank account and say well if I quit I wouldn’t have to work for X number of years. It always settles me down and is my sexy underwear :)
A “years of freedom” calculation. I Love that!
I always do the same thing, without touching my retirement accounts I’m at about two years of freedom and with them a heck of a lot more. Counting down the days until it’s all freedom.
Love that idea!
Love the idea, but I have to ask. What type of male underwear is considered sexy underwear? I think this is a considerably easier for women. I’ll admit, I only own one type of undies so now I’m trying to think about what I should be going out to buy cause I want to try this. Any suggestions?
Invisible underwear are sexy underwear for men
I’m not sure going commando is the way to go. :)
“Sexy” might be a misnomer. You can replace the word with “great”. It’s about choosing underwear that makes you feel and look great despite the fact that no one will know you took the care to do it for yourself.
I think it’s a trick that the ultra rich have been using for decades…wearing certain clothing that no one would know is ultra-expensive or unique. Much more powerful than flashing the Rolex because it doesn’t depend on others’ awareness of it.
Silk boxers. ;-)
Tim Ferris recommends MeUndies. My husband has never tried them, so I have no personal experience with this.
Gay men find sexy underwear all the time. It’s not hard.
I’m wearing boxers with $100 bills on them right now (d’oh – just told my secret!)
May I give my 2 cents here?
Since Hélène says you should do it for yourself, and not for the others, just find something YOU find sexy, something YOU find good and comfortable and sexy and badass or whatever rocks your boat.
AGREED.
So true that having some “stealth wealth” greatly increases your bargaining power. Even having a sizable emergency fund gave us a ton of financial freedom.
Now, in terms of underwear, as a guy I’m not really sure what counts as sex underwear? Some expensive boxer briefs?
This seems to be a repeating theme here. I’d say if you’ve seen it on a billboard in Time Square, it’s sexy. That aside, I just did a search on Amazon for “men’s underwear” and most of it would fit the bill.
If anything, it’s not a quandary for you guys, really. We’re not that picky. Like MK says below, if its not saggy, baggy, muffin-topped…and I’ll add not holey or faded, you’ve got it made. But please, no generic tidy whiteys. How could that make you feel great?! ;)
Personally, I find a man with underwear fitting properly sexy – no saggy, baggy butts or so small it causes a muffin top!
Interesting idea. Will try that next time I’m stressed out :D
SO true! Do whatever you can to build your personal confidence. Whatever it takes. :)
Another convert I see? A true believer too because you didn’t reveal your own secret. ;)
Interesting… I don’t know about sexy underwear, but stealth wealth is very empowering. It gives me a lot of confidence even when I’m dressed somewhat like a bum. :)
Exactly! Works either way.
Not sure if sexy underwear would work for me, I guess it will brake the whole picture of tough Russians :-) But stealth wealth and not giving a rip about what people think about my sexy underwear could be very powerful tool.
Really like the metaphor about the magic underwear. If I’m doing other things like working out, meditating, preparing meals for myself, why not stealth wealth too? Will try a sexy undershirt out tonight too for experimentation purposes. :)
“Magic underwear.” I like it! Let us know how the experiment goes.
I always wear matching underwear, it may not necesarily be “sexy” but it is a set… and it definitely makes me feel more confident and prepared for whatever the world chucks at me that day. Nothing else may go right but at least I’m competent and organised enough to match a pair if knickers with a bra!
I would definitely recommend thinking about your underwear choices as a way to improve confidence/self-esteem etc.
(Friends often cite cost as a reason against matching sets; I tell them to shop in the sales. If you don’t get fussy about style you can get great quality items for 80% off)
So pleased to hear these little secret powers are getting confirmed over and over in the comments. There’s a reason Clark Kent kept the Superman outfit secret from Lois Lane!
Thanks for adding to the count Rachel.
You’re better than I! I sent my kid to daycare the other day with not only two different shoes, but both left ones!
*shares post with all my female best friends*
Thanks for sharing this. I always love writing out the things I’m grateful for. It puts things in perspective and also shows that I have did some great things in my life, even if small.
Thank you for sharing this !!
I just started that this year. I love my gratitude jar. There’s always something to be thankful for. It always brighten my mood when I write them down. Thanks for putting that out there. So true.
This also works with grooming. I feel a lot more confident if i have my eyebrows waxed and coloured to perfection (not that budget friendly though), freshly shaved legs ect. I also like to wear something new if i can. Not that minimalistic… But it does not have to be a whole new outfit, new socks are enough to get that boost.
For a big presentations or Job interviews it pays of.
I used to love wearing new clothes for the first days of school :)
Didn’t know about this one, but it makes sense. My wife wears super red lipstick on certain days, and she says it’s for days she feels like crap and it’s to say “F U world! Can’t keep me down!” I see how it really does change her mood and increase her confidence and productivity levels. Legit.
Yeah!! Love a woman with bright red lipstick – so confident!
Hail the red lipstick. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I did that once in a while.
This is absolutely true. They are foundation garments. You build the whole damn presentation on them. They should be solid. If sexy is your thing, do that.
Team Sexy Underwear!
I love that “foundation garments” and “sexy underwear” are in the same comment. Nice.
I guess I like to live dangerously….I’m Free Ballin
Of course you are, haha…
Not sure about the sexy underwear at least on a guy, but …