10 Ways Black Friday is Like Sex

So I know there’s about a bazillion posts going on right now about Black Friday, and all the deals and bargains you can score blah blah blah, so instead of dishing out even more discounty secrets (which I actually don’t have), I thought I’d try and make you laugh today instead :) I’ll leave all the online coupons and discount codes to the pros this week, sound good?

Please to enjoy: 10 Ways Black Friday is like Sex

  1. Being the first in line has its advantages
  2. Both are easily accessible, if you’re willing to put in the time
  3. You can do it in groups (or by yourself)
  4. You have to take a few rides sometimes to find what you’re looking for
  5. Some deals are better than others
  6. If you don’t get it wrapped, you’ll regret it later!
  7. You can do it at 12 a.m., 6 a.m., or even at 3 a.m.
  8. Both can be done online ;)
  9. You work up quite an appetite afterwards
  10. You literally get more bang for your buck!

Haha… I’ll be here all night, ladies and gentlemen ;) (And hopefully not by myself!)

Which of these guys will YOU be partaking in this weekend? The sexness or the absence-of-light-ness? Whatever you end up getting into, I wish you nothing but success! Make your favorite blogger proud!

PS: You should have seen this list before I edited it. It’s amazing how dirty you can get, and fast! ;)

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  1. KC @ PsychoMoney November 23, 2011 at 7:56 AM

    Nice! You did manage to keep it fairly PG-13.

  2. Nicole November 23, 2011 at 8:52 AM

    11. You get what you pay for (if it’s cheap, it’s liable to break or require you to get an antibiotic)

  3. Sharon November 23, 2011 at 9:42 AM

    Nice. My husband is sure to go with the latter…(No shopping for him! :)!)

  4. Alexis November 23, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Ha! It’s always good to have a laugh in the morning. Thanks for starting my day off right, J. Money! (wink, wink!)

  5. J. Money November 23, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    Glad you liked it! I had some REALLY bad ones in there at first, but the wifey talked me out of adding them up, haha… so you get the toned down version ;) Happy Wed, y’all!

  6. Emily Guy Birken November 23, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    I’d love to see the really dirty version. Because my mind is already in the gutter. Although these are certainly hilarious as is.

  7. Emily November 23, 2011 at 10:37 AM

    OMG I can’t stop laughing… thank you. This was hilarious!

  8. SmartAssetTeam November 23, 2011 at 10:50 AM

    Very, very funny! And yes, wish I could see the version before editing.
    Here’s another one:
    11. If you’re new to the idea, you might be nervous, but all you have to do is get your feet wet to realize it’s not so scary.

  9. Carrie - Careful Cents November 23, 2011 at 11:07 AM

    “If you don’t get it wrapped, you’ll regret it later!” Best analogy quote of the bunch. HAHA :) Epic post.

  10. LB November 23, 2011 at 11:49 AM

    I have a headache and would rather go to bed early. I mean I have been married for a whole 6 years lol. Just kidding!
    No shopping for me, no way I need to stay up all night just for crap that isn’t discounted THAT much. I just don’t think it is worth it, because my priorities don’t involve any of the items that have the good sales. I think I would rather stay home and have the real fun with my honey ;)

  11. Ryan November 23, 2011 at 12:37 PM

    Mine’s too dirty to post!!

  12. Jen @ Master the Art of Saving November 23, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    haha. My fav. #6 If you don’t get it wrapped, you’ll regret it later! Love it. I’d rather get sex than shop any day. :-)

  13. Cordelia November 23, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    I’ve been wanting my husband to read your blog for a while now, and I think I finally found the post that will get him hooked.

    You are TOO funny. Being of the “that’s what she said” variety of humor myself (thanks to said husband), I can only imagine the ideas that didn’t make the PG-13 cut. :D

    Positively brilliant, my friend.

  14. AverageJoe November 23, 2011 at 2:51 PM

    I’m not quite up for “doing it online” this holiday. Probably more fun touching the items myself.

  15. thefrugallery November 23, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    LOL, thank you for the dose of humor I needed today!

  16. Babs November 23, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    I’m adding my voice to the massive call for you to post the un-edited version! You are clearly overestimating the sexual squeamishness (dare you to use that phrase in conversation) of your loyal followers.

    After 22 years of marriage, I would add:

    11. I’m not quite as fascinated with doing either in a public place.
    12. I’ve replaced the “thrill of the hunt,” with not wearing out the things I already have.

  17. Jenna, Adaptu Community Manager November 23, 2011 at 4:12 PM

    I’ll be skiing :)

  18. J. Money November 23, 2011 at 6:34 PM

    Happy holidays, everyone!

    @Emily Guy Birken – Maybe I’ll email some of them over to y’all ;) They’re quite hilarious, I assure you.
    @Emily – Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did putting it together! It stuck me in the middle of a differnt blog post which I then scrapped altogether to focus on this more “important” stuff ;) haha… I think it paid off!
    @SmartAssetTeam – Haha, true that. First time is always nervewracking ;)
    @Carrie – Careful Cents – Thanks! I came up w/ that one after scheduling the post already, and had to go kick out another so I could include it ;) Ended up being one of my faves too.
    @LB – Haha, work it yo!
    @Ryan – DO IT!!!! We all wanna see!! (post it anonymously so we’ll never know ;))
    @Jen @ Master the Art of Saving – Me too, though it depends ;) At least w/ shopping you could *return* the item if you hit buyer’s remorse! Haha…
    @Cordelia – Awesome! Yes, send him on over here before a boring financial post hits ;) Merry holidays to the two of you!
    @AverageJoe – Haha… do you mean the shopping or the sexing? ;)
    @thefrugallery – Anytime, my dear :)
    @Babs – Haha, I’m starting to get convinced of that ;) Have a great thanksgiving holiday over there, hope you’re feeling better! (w/ the surgery. or any other sickness I suppose, if you have any ;))
    @Jenna, Adaptu Community Manager – w/ members of the opposite sex? ;)

  19. Matt, Tao of Unfear November 23, 2011 at 7:14 PM

    First Ninja, and now you. Don’t you guys know that I’m still recovering from having my wisdom teeth out? Stop making me laugh! It hurts! ;)

  20. Andrea @SoOverDebt November 23, 2011 at 10:51 PM

    My suggestion: “The deal doesn’t count until you post pics on Facebook.”

  21. Donna Freedman November 25, 2011 at 5:14 PM

    Okay, I was up until past 4:30 a.m. — first shopping and then posting an article on midnight Black Friday shopping. But off the top of my tired head, here are Ten Ways That Sex ISN’T Like Black Friday:
    10. Most deals are cash only
    9. No discounts for bringing your own, um, shopping bag
    8. The shopping bags can’t be reused (eeewww)
    7. No coupons, dammit
    6. No BOGOS, either
    5. An underage “sales clerk” could mean big trouble
    4. You won’t be offered coffee and doughnuts
    3. Finishing early is NOT a plus
    2. The ads for it are even more misleading than Black Friday ones
    Finally, the No. 1 reason sex is different than Black Friday: The women generally wind up more satisfied than the men.
    If anyone cares, the piece I posted is at http://www.donnafreedman.com/2011/11/25/a-mall-and-the-night-visitors/

  22. Juneau Gal November 26, 2011 at 12:43 AM

    @Donna Freedam Hahaha!!!That wasa hilarious. I love number 1 and 2!

    I got one, my inspiration was working in a packed mall all day from 5:30 AM to 7:00PM pretending to be joyful and awake to all the hundreds of customers, UGH.

    If your getting payed to be there, you have to learn how to fake it.

    :] happy holidays

  23. Ryan November 28, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    Against my better judgement and because J$ is a hell of a persuader ;)

    Black Friday is like Sex because….. Either way, at the end of the day, something is getting bl***n!

    bad dum dum!

  24. J. Money November 28, 2011 at 5:48 PM

    @Matt, Tao of Unfear – Haha, I’ll have to go over to Ninja’s site and see what he was cookin’ up ;) It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve run similar stuff! (and hope you feel better soon! wisdom pulling is no fun at all – bleh)
    @Andrea @SoOverDebt – I love it! (and very true)
    @Donna Freedman – OMG you are too much Donna!!! Haha…. that is so awesome :) You should post THAT on your site – I dare you! (My faves: #8 and #1, haha… you are awesome)
    @Juneau Gal – YES! haha…. good one!!
    @Ryan – Haha, indeed! ;)

  25. Practical Parsimony November 29, 2011 at 6:46 AM

    No 5 is so true…ummm…well, at least that’s what I have heard…lol. All hilarious. Email me the dirty list.

  26. J. Money November 29, 2011 at 12:57 PM

    @Donna Freedman – Hah! And here I thought you’d be too scurred…. nicely played my friend ;)
    @Practical Parsimony – Glad you liked!

  27. Paula @ Afford Anything December 3, 2011 at 1:36 AM

    Um, is it lame of me to say that there are one or two points on this list that I don’t understand? Hmm. Maybe I need a birds-and-bees classroom refresher …

  28. J. Money December 3, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    haha no… I had to explain 2 of them to my wife too ;) I think maybe some of us are dirtier than others? haha…