Have You Ever Lied About Money to a Loved One? ;)

I came across this “financial cheating” poll this morning and naturally had to make it our “5 For Friday” today ;)  Though we’re only gonna do 6 of the 10 questions posed cuz the others are kinda boring and/or too long to put in here. I tip my hats to Today.com and SELF Magazine for putting it all together and looking forward to the results!

But first, let’s find out if YOU’ve been a truthful little lover over there or not ;) Now’s your time to fess up if you’ve been naughty! Just pray your other half isn’t reading right now like mine is, haha… (Hi honey!). I’ll start us off today, here we go…

  1. At what point in a relationship do you disclose money issues, such as major credit card debt or an unsustainable mortgage? I say when it starts getting serious.  Neither of us really had any financial skeletons in our closets – we both started out roughly on the same financial “level” – but we def. divulged a lot more once we started dating for a while.  And by the time we moved in with each other (roughly a year later), we made sure everything was out on the table before we started signing leases and putting together house budgets/etc.  I think at that point you HAVE to know the entire story of a person’s financial situation – esp if marriage is the next step.
  2. If you’re married or living with your significant other, how do you and your partner manage your money? The Mrs. and I share a major joint checking and savings account, and then we both have our own checking & savings accounts on the side too. This allows all the big stuff to be taken care of right away (the mortgages, bills, savings for trips, babies, etc), and then the rest in our “own” accounts can be spent as freely as we wish with no questions asked.
  3. How much money do you feel it’s OK to spend on a joint credit card or from a joint account without consulting your partner? We have a rule in the house that anything over $100 has to be brought up with the other person – though I tend to forget about that sometimes and always get *caught* in the act, haha… but only because I KNOW she’s gonna say it’s all okay anyways! ;) Luckily neither of us ever go on splurging binges much though. And if we do, we have free reign to raid our personal accounts any time, and spend whatever we want from them as there’s no questions asked with those bad boys.  It works out nicely…
  4. Have you ever lied, or hidden, any financial information from your other half? Even little white lies? Hah! Only when I was trying to sneak her engagement ring purchase by her!  Those idiots at the store kept MAILING US STUFF when I specifically told them not to and to change our address (I had given my parents’ address, but because of the way their billing was set up they had the wrong address in there for a little while in the beginning.  It was pretty nerve-wracking).  But other than that, I wouldn’t dare. I don’t keep secrets that well anyways ;)
  5. Has your partner ever lied to YOU about money? Not that I know of, haha…
  6. Do you think financial infidelity leads to sexual infidelity? Hmmm… I wouldn’t normally think so, but if you’re asking us here in the poll I’m thinking you might know something we don’t ;) I wouldn’t cheat on someone if I found out they were hiding money secrets from me, if that’s what you’re asking.  Though I suppose it wouldn’t help build up trust very much between the two of us if I caught them doing something bad w/ our money. Or if another person ever came into question – trust is a pretty important piece to a relationship.

As you can see, I’m not much of a financial cheater (sorry if I’m too boring! Haha..).

Your turn!  Up for answering those same questions up there?  If you don’t wanna divulge your name or blog or anything like that, just go anonymously or under a fake name so you can wipe away all of your financial sins ;)  We won’t tell anyone, I promise! (Though you should probably come up with a good game plan fast before the other person finds out. Feel free to ask your own questions about that too, if you have any – maybe someone here has gone through the same and can help share some pointers?) Happy weekend everybody!

(Photo by D.C.Atty)

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  1. Aaron February 3, 2012 at 9:48 AM

    This is a huge issue in marriage. I really try and be upfront with the lady – as I don’t wanna suffer from any repercussions of NOT being honest and upfront :) I think it’s important to lay it out all on the table and be on the same page with your spouse. Marriage is tough enough without having to keep secrets and be sneaky. Two cents. :)

  2. Nicole February 3, 2012 at 10:36 AM

    My answers are pretty much the same as yours. Talk about money before living together or marrying, we don’t keep major purchases from each other, and neither of us lies about money. One comment though, when I was with my exhusband, he bought Browns’ season tickets behind my back for about $4000. I found out a few months later. I was pregnant with our son, we had debt, and I was ready to kill him. To be honest, I held on to alot of resentment from that. And, though I am not saying that led to our divorce, it certainly didn’t help the state of our marriage, it was another nail in the coffin.

  3. Leigh February 3, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    I know multiple people who have had troubles hiding the engagement ring purchase from their girlfriend! Also, you’d think that jewellery stores would be USED to that by now? Isn’t that a lot of their business?!

  4. Debt Hater February 3, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    My answers for 1, 2 and 3 are the same as yours. I lied about one thing. I have a small savings stash because — even though the “experts” say it’s not ok — I think women need to have some cash stowed away for a rainy day apart from what the hubby knows about. I had it before we got married and don’t intend to touch it, but I think of it as my money. He asked me if I had any money saved and I said “Nope.” Good or bad? I dunno.

  5. Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life February 3, 2012 at 10:50 AM

    1. Neither of us had any major financial problems going in (we met freshman year of college), but spending time with each other’s families the first year made it clear that we came from different financial backgrounds, and we did talk about that. We also discussed our spending/saving habits early on (he was a spender, me a saver). Actually, while we were in college we set up an account at the credit union on campus in my name into which he would deposit money, so he couldn’t spend it! After we got engaged, we added him to my bank account at home, and then I hesitated about getting him his own debit card on the account (which of course insulted him). This led us to set up money rules REALLY quickly.
    2. We have only joint accounts, but we each get $20 a month of personal spending money, plus any birthday or Christmas gifts go toward our personal totals. Spending personal money can be done without spousal input or judgment; spending outside of that has to be agreed-upon. This turned my spending husband into a saver PDQ because he doesn’t want to use up his finite amount of money. (I guess having a total he can keep in his mind makes him conscious of the fact that he doesn’t have an unlimited amount of money to spend!)
    3. Anything from our personal budgets or that is already part of our monthly budget (which we keep on Mint) can be bought without question. Anything else requires a check-in with the other person. Occasionally this get blurred if he gets something he *needs* and then he’s like, “But I had to get this because…” and all I say is, “That’s fine. Which budget category should I take it out of?” and he’s like, “Oh… um…” But that doesn’t happen too often :)
    4. Since he generally spends his entire personal budget every month and I rarely spend money on myself, I try to avoid telling him how much is in my personal budget because it’s usually like… several hundred dollars. And he’ll have like $5 left. But I would never, ever try to spend money we didn’t have or lie to him about how much something cost or anything like that. Trust is incredibly important to me.
    5. No, because he pretty much leaves the finances up to me. He just knows how much is in his personal budget, and he does the grocery shopping so he checks Mint to see how much grocery budget he has left for the month. I check Mint every morning so I see all the purchases, and he never carries cash. (This is actually a point of contention because we usually have some cash at home but he NEVER remembers to take it when he needs it… so we’re always getting charged ATM fees.) I don’t actually know how he manages to buy me gifts… I think he has my mom buy them and then reimburses her with cash later :)
    6. I wouldn’t say it leads to it, like it causes it, but I think that financial intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. are all matters of trust. And if you get in the habit of hiding some things, then it becomes easier to hide other things, and I would imagine it kind of changes the way you view your spouse. But I can’t speak from experience on that.

  6. Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life February 3, 2012 at 10:51 AM

    Wow, sorry, my comment is kind of giant! It’s an interesting topic to me :)

  7. SmartAssetTeam February 3, 2012 at 10:56 AM

    Money and relationships can be so tricky, especially if you and your partner have very different financial situations. I have a friend who is planning to get married in June, she has a LOT of money from inheritances, but he is in major student loan debt, the kind that he probably can’t ever get out of unless he wins the lottery. She obviously doesn’t want him to be enslaved by debt his whole life, but is it her responsibility to pay this debt off for him because she can? I didn’t know what to tell her when she asked for advice.

  8. Bridget February 3, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    I’m currently not in a relationship but #5 & #6 kind of caught my attention. My ex ended up over $6000 in debt at the end of our relationship and never breathed a word. I had NO IDEA he was suffering so much financially because I was really obsessed with money and I was doing great. While I don’t think the financial infidelity led to sexual infidelity, I’m not surprised that being able to lie about one thing makes you apt to lie about more things (maybe he was even lying about the debt? Perhaps it was $10,000 or maybe he exaggerated and it’s only $1,000 I’ll never know).

    I’m pretty open with a partner about my money — obviously, I have a blog about it — but I’ve never jointly owned property or loans or credit cards with anyone before so I’m not sure yet how I’ll proceed in the future.

  9. Stephanie February 3, 2012 at 11:44 AM

    Guess I’m pretty boring, too, my answers are pretty much the same as J Money’s! Except my husband and I don’t have separate accounts, we just take out cash “allowances” from our joint checking. If either of us really wanted to, we could open our own individual checking to hold that allowance, but neither of us has felt the need so far.

    And the only “hiding” of financial stuff either of us really has needed to do is when we’re buying gifts for each other, but we have separate credit cards, so we can just put those purchases on there to keep things a surprise.

  10. Mrs. Money Mustache February 3, 2012 at 11:52 AM

    You blog is so much fun, J. Money! :) I loved reading your answers. Here are mine:

    1. No idea. I met MMM when I was 19, so it’s been a while since I’ve dated! :) But, I would say that it would just come up when it comes up and I’d be honest.

    2. We used to keep all our finances separate, but now we’re all joined up. We were together 10 years before we got married, so I guess it made sense to keep everything separate (plus, we were both very independent, so it made sense to us).

    3. MMM wrote a whole post on this called “How much is that bitch costin’ ya?” Haha! If you’re interested in reading, it’s here: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/09/06/how-much-is-that-bitch-costin-ya/. According to him, if it’s over $10, we discuss. :)

    4. Yes, I once bought a $2 chocolate bar and ate the entire thing by myself without sharing or letting him know I bought it! :)

    5. We have a very open relationship about money and talk about it a lot. I doubt MMM has ever lied to me about money. I knew about my engagement ring and kept asking him if he had bought it yet!

    6. That’s a weird one, but I guess I will say yes. I can’t imagine keeping any secret from MMM no matter what it might be, so if one of us started keeping secrets, it would mean something was wrong.

  11. Jen @ Master the Art of Saving February 3, 2012 at 12:26 PM

    1.At what point in a relationship do you disclose money issues, such as major credit card debt or an unsustainable mortgage?

    I’d imagine that it would be best to discuss before you either get engaged or before you combine your finances. The other person has the right to know what they’re getting into, also you can work together to eliminate debt and such.

    2.If you’re married or living with your significant other, how do you and your partner manage your money?

    Since my husband SUCKS with personal finances, I take care of everything. He never even checks prices on things, just buys them—scary stuff. I’m more than happy to take it all on because otherwise we would be in massive debt.

    3.How much money do you feel it’s OK to spend on a joint credit card or from a joint account without consulting your partner?

    I think that depends on the financial situation, everybody’s is different. If you’re working towards eliminating debt or saving money, it might be best to plan out the financial decisions together to stay on track.

    4.Have you ever lied, or hidden, any financial information from your other half? Even little white lies?

    I can’t think of anything, I’m a pretty open book about mostly everything.

    5.Has your partner ever lied to YOU about money?

    Not that I know of, but I’m pretty trusting. I haven’t seen anything pop up in our accounts or anything like that, so I’m hoping that’s a no. :-)

    6.Do you think financial infidelity leads to sexual infidelity?

    Not directly, but financial infidelity could make it easier to do, since you’re being dishonest already.

  12. Jeff @ Sustainable Life Blog February 3, 2012 at 12:30 PM

    I dont quite have time to answer all the questions, but I will second the engagement ring. After I got mine, they kept sending catalogs from the jewelry store to my house with MY name on them. I wanted to go down there and strangle them, though she never figured it out, it was nerve wracking!

  13. LB February 3, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    Here’s the easiest answer ever to all of the above: I don’t lie to my husband, ever. I find it wrong period and besides he’s my best friend. I won’t even hide Christmas gifts from him, because I get too excited about what I purchase for him. In reality that isn’t a bad thing, because first, I don’t have to lie to him or hide a secret and second, I buy stuff early and on sale so by the time Christmas rolls around we both have forgotten what is wrapped under the tree. :)

    And to the rest, I do the budget and we always talk about purchases. Me, more then him, but I love money. A lot! Then we get some cash each month to spend, but we usually talk about that too, probably just to not feel stupid about purchasing dumb things, like clothes we don’t need, or a new phone.

  14. Well Heeled Blog February 3, 2012 at 1:37 PM

    #5 is funny, because my fiance and I actually discussed it in the contex of what we would do if someone cheated. It’s interesting how we place such an emphasis on sexual fidelity (don’t get me wrong, I do too), but if one partner gambled away $100K or ran up $50K in credit card bills, the actual impact on day-to-day life of that decision probably would be much heavier than that of one-night stand.

  15. Edward Antrobus February 3, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    1) Frankly, I don’t remember at all when we had the money talk. Before I proposed, I’m certain. But pretty sure it was after she had moved.
    2) Joint checking and savings where most of the money goes. Her checks into checking, mine into savings. Then I have a personal checking & savings. My checking pays for my personal bills, my debts from before we got married, plus a little extra. My savings basically exists to keep the checking account free (have to transfer $25+/month from checking to savings as one way of not paying fee on checking account…the money will sit there till the end of the year then go into my IRA).
    3) I’d spend no more than $10 from the joint account without clearing it ahead of time. $10 will get you lunch, and if it’s bigger than lunch, it’s probably important enough to talk about before buying.
    4) Like you, if I buy something with my own money, I don’t feel the need to disclose it. As far as income goes, I don’t actively hide my online income, but I don’t go out of my way to tell her about it either. When I do try to talk to her about it, she tends to roll her eyes. For now, I’m just assuming that’s a by-product of having to include the cents to make the number larger than one digit. :)
    5) Not that I know of, either.
    6) No. This is the result of black-or-white, good-or-evil thinking. The reality of the world is much more nuanced. I think of this in similar terms to an example given to me by one of my professors who grew up in ghettos. The cocaine dealers who dealt in front of her apartment wouldn’t sell crack because “that was wrong.”

  16. Jessica February 3, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    1. We discussed it once we decided we were putting a ring on it. Bank statements, credit reports, and general discussion about where the money goes so that everything was out in the open.
    2. We share two checking accounts and two savings accounts. No personal accounts around here since for us separate accounts seem to lead to separate lives in the other relationships we have seen. I realize that not every couple with separate accounts will have this issue but for us shared accounts is part of the goal that we are in this together and that our lives are shared.
    3. A couple hundred bucks seems to the max right now. Bigger spending requires a conversation but we usually agree to it if its reasonable.
    4. We dont lying around here. We agreed on our first date to complete honesty and have stayed true to that promise. It has led to rough moments (getting called on your shiz is rough) but has made us both better people and spouses.
    5. I think that financial infidelity is a sign of a deeper problem. If you cant trust or share with your partner, things are going to get complicated fast.

  17. Yesenia February 3, 2012 at 2:55 PM

    This blog is a lot of fun.

    1. My hubby and I share financial information. We are on a pretty tight budget since we are still students. We graduate in May! Hopefully, land internships in the summer, and transition into full time in the fall, so we won’t be broke forever! I keep track of penny we spend. However, I still have a personal checking account open in another bank – pre marriage. I have to say that during the first six months of marriage I did spend some money out of that account to buy things. He knew about it, because he saw the things, but I didn’t feel as guilty coming out my money. Six months we are in the process of consolidating our finances, which means transitioning mine into our joint accounts.
    2. Right now we have 1 joint checking account, His personal checking account, 1 savings account. In the next few months, we will be adding My personal checking account, two more personal savings accounts (maybe, or we might save in cash, still don’t know). 1 or 2 credit cards. We don’t really use credit cards, but we need some to start building credit. I have never had a credit card, nor do i have student loans, so I have no credit what so ever. Which sucks because even though I am great with money, since I have no credit companies think of me as risky. Go figure!
    3. By the way, I can see what my hubby spends on his personal account. And he will be able to see what I spend in mine. We just have not voting power. :)
    4. I was pretty honest in regards to my financial situation before we started dating. And he was too.

  18. Tyler S. February 3, 2012 at 5:10 PM

    This may have been a few years back:

    My mom: “Did you spend all your money on candy and basketball cards?”

    Me: “Noooooo way!”

    We worked through it.

  19. Michelle @ Making Sense of Cents February 3, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    Very interesting! We usually tell each other of every purchase (unless it’s food). And we have joint everything. We haven’t had any problems relating to money.

  20. Emily @ evolvingPF February 3, 2012 at 5:22 PM

    1. We started dating in college when we were both dependents, and transitioned to financial independence alongside one another, so we’ve always been transparent about our financial situations. There was never anything major that needed disclosing.

    2. Joint everything. We don’t even give ourselves separate allowances. Once our income increases, we might implement that.

    3. Maybe $10? It’s quite rare that either of us makes a purchase without letting the other know in advance. Our budget simply doesn’t allow for spontaneity.

    4. and 5. Definitely not.

    6. No, but as others have said they may both be the fruits of the same underlying problem.

  21. J. Money February 4, 2012 at 4:53 PM

    @Aaron – Amen on that brotha, you’re a smart man!
    @Nicole – WOW! $4k tickets are no joke, jeez… esp with a new baby on its way!
    @Leigh – Right??? I’m sure they deal with it every single freakin’ day! :)
    @Debt Hater – Haha… I don’t think that’s too bad ;) I wouldn’t be upset if my wife was holding onto a little money, unless it was like $50,000 or something – then I’d be curious. I wouldn’t care she HAD the money, just that she’s keeping it a secret for some reason.
    @Jessica @ Faith Permeating Life – It’s all good, we love long comments! And we love random abbreviations too, haha… PDQ? “Pretty Damn Quick?”
    @SmartAssetTeam – Ouch. Yeah, that’s a tough one indeed. I’d think most people would want to help out their spouse in situations like this, but it would def. require some good (and honest) talking first to make sure there are no weird expectations or assumptoins of how that money would dissapear or something… Maybe they could work on it together like on a cool mission? Interesting position to be in for sure :)
    @Bridget – Man, that sucks if he’s that much in debt – you probably could have helped him out with all your skills :( It’s good you’re open and doing so well though! :)
    @Stephanie – That def. helps w/ gifts and stuff for sure, we put ours on our own separate cards too :) Which link back to our own separate accounts. We have like double everything, haha…
    @Mrs. Money Mustache – HAH! That is an AWESOME title for a blog post, I love it! And SO checking it out after I leave these comments, good one ;) Gald to see you two are so tight w/ this stuff! Wish y’all lived closer so we could go on double dates or something – I bet we’d all get along :)
    @Jen @ Master the Art of Saving – It’s a damn good thing you’re in charge of all your house’s finances then, haha… my wife can’t stand money talk or anything either, so we’re also fortunate that one of us does ;) Though she doesn’t spend hardly any money anyways, I splurge way more than she does.
    @Jeff @ Sustainable Life Blog – They’re crazy!! I really can’t believe they haven’t figured out how to do it right after all these years, so stupid.
    @LB – That’s the best answer ever :) Lying = bad!! No matter what area of a relationship, I like it. Except for the xmas stuff, I’d be upset if I was told everything I was getting, haha…
    @Well Heeled Blog – Oh yeah, for sure. Debt does a lot of day to day damage, though I’d still rather take that than 1 night stands ;) I’m too emotional to be able to deal w/ that one, haha…
    @Edward Antrobus – Haha, nice. My wife rolls her eyes too at times, but only when I want to talk about our awesome mortgage plan or new budget/etc – she can’t stand money talk ;) But she has to put up with me cuz I’m the one doing all the work!
    @Jessica – “If you cant trust or share with your partner, things are going to get complicated fast.” – Amen! Glad you two are on the same path and doing well :)
    @Yesenia – Congrats to the both of you on almost graduating! That’s quite an accomplishment :) And good idea with getting some credit in your names, esp. if you’re gonna take out a loan anytime in the near future. Opening up a couple and keeping $0 balance on them (just buy something here and there and pay it off in full) will help you get started w/ that super easily. It’s not technically hard at all to get good credit, but unfort. it does take a lot of time which is annoying. But just like saving for a million dollars, you gotta start somewhere!
    @Tyler S. – HAH! I remember that exact same question not too long ago too ;) And it was damn true! I always spent my money on candy and basketball cards, haha… man that was good times. No responsibilities, and all fun.
    @Michelle @ Making Sense of Cents – What if he bought a $100 chocolate sundae? ;)
    @Emily @ evolvingPF – Cool :) Going over to check out your blog in a bit, thx for playing along!

  22. Slackerjo February 4, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    This is sort of off topic since I am single. My family thinks because I am so thrifty that I must make very little money and am living paycheque to paycheque. I don’t exactly correct them. I guess that is a lie of omission?Reality is that because I am so frugal (I like being frugal, it’s fun) I am socking away money like crazy.

  23. JMK February 5, 2012 at 8:46 AM

    I’m always puzzled by married couples who have joint accounts for the essentials and then keep everything else in separate accounts for spending that doesn’t have to be justified to the other. You’re willing to be legally tied to this person, get naked, make babies, let them make your end of life decisions, but don’t you dare ask what I spent my “personal money on”? Really?
    Imagine for a minute that person A is socking away all their extra funds into retirement savings (way beyond the basic 10-15% recommended) and person B is living it up with spa treatments or video games or whatever. Fast forward to age 55 when person A is ready to retire early and person B has at least another 10 years to go. Oh to be a fly on the wall for that one. “Honey, when you get your crap together I’ll be hiking in the Alps, or volunteering in Thailand….”
    If that result is what you always intended then great, but having a lot of unmonitored funds being squandered on stuff you don’t think you need to justify may vs combining all the excess for something you both want may completely change your future(s).
    Having a joint account for the basic living expenses and keeping everything else separate sounds very much like how a student shares a house. Contribute your percentage for all the basics and after that it’s none of your roomates’ business what the rest goes to. Somehow it seems that grown up people shouldn’t necessarily run their finances like students who are only commited to their arrangements on semester by semester basis. I know it works for some couples, but I just don’t get it.

  24. Jerry February 5, 2012 at 9:43 AM

    I’ve lied before to my spouse and let me tell you it always leads to problems. Honesty is your only insurance for keeping the relationship afloat. That’s my perspective.

  25. Thomas - Ways to Invest Money February 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM

    When it comes to money its seems like its just a touchy as speaking of ones sex life. People lie and then lie about lying. The funny thing is that people who are bad with money lie because they want to be able to find someone and the people who are good lie because the dont want to let everyone know what they have. i would agree with most of what you answered but my question is what about the seperate accounts. What if in the seperate savings and checking accounts you are better then she is and you end up with 10k but then she wants some. LOL its happened before. I also dont like the double standards where its almost ok for women to hide money for a rainy day.

  26. Yesenia February 5, 2012 at 4:25 PM


    I actually don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Separate checking accounts that are visible to each other allows each person to spend a specific amount of money on their own personal things. There are many things like cosmetics, pricey hair products, shoes, etc that don’t necessarily fit into the joint budget. And I know my husband likes to spend his money on supplements, sports drinks, etc.If it just came out of the join account, we might overspend.But if we see that our own account is going down, then we adjust.

  27. Jeff Crews February 5, 2012 at 10:49 PM

    I think the only times I have lied about finances is when I used certain finaces to buy some type of present for a family member.

    Family Member: Where is all your money? Can I see your Bank Statement?
    Me: NO!
    Family Member: Why not?
    Me: Nunya……Nunya Business

    In the end they loved their present!

  28. C The Writer February 5, 2012 at 11:34 PM

    Er…well, we weren’t actually together, but I did lie to someone I loved about using my credit cards and stuff I was buying on them because I didn’t want her to think less of me.

  29. Kris @ Debt-Tips February 6, 2012 at 10:22 AM

    I don’t lie, but I don’t share all the little details. Yet I still worry that if something ever happened to me, my wife wouldn’t know as much as she needs to know. But with 2 full time jobs, 3 kids, etc, etc, etc, we just don’t always have the time to share everything we each do.

  30. Mrs. Money Mustache February 6, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    @J. Money – MMM will be at Fincon (and the kiddo and I might come hang out at the hotel), so maybe we’ll see you then! It would be awesome to meet you!

  31. J. Money February 6, 2012 at 4:45 PM

    @Slackerjo – Haha, indeed – it can be fun :) As long as you’re happy!
    @JMK – I can def. see your point on that one – and it may be the case for other couples, I’m not sure – but I know for us we make sure the house and retirement money and 100% of the big stuff is all covered first before we have extra to spend as we please with. Whether that’s $100 a month or $1,000 a month extra – so when our retirement comes, we’ll both be fine and maybe one will have a little extra more than the other – but that’s their call. I like to spend my side money freely w/out any hassles and I know the wife likes it too, it’s been working like a charm for 5+ years now :)
    @Jerry – Amen, brotha.
    @Thomas – Ways to Invest Money – I think as long as both sides are in agreement it’s a-okay ;) If I have $10k more than the wife has, and for some reason she needs some for whatever, of course I’m gonna help her cuz she’s my wife. And everything that’s a *necessity* would have already been covered in our joint accounts anyways. These side accounts of ours are just extras, nothing more. If we wanted we could just dump it all back into our joint savings and and spend it from there too if we want, but we like keeping that purely for doing stuff together and for house/etc emergency expenses. But it’s not for everyone :)
    @pedro – Hah! I don’t know if that’s the same kinds of lies we’re talkin’ about here, but I am glad y’all have a good system down that makes you happy :)
    @Yesenia – Very true, indeed :)
    @Jeff Crews – Haha, I can get down w/ that.
    @C The Writer – Oh man, are things now better for you and the cards? You workin’ on a nice debt plan? Hope so :)
    @Kris @ Debt-Tips – That’s understandable. Maybe you can just review things for a hot 15 mins once a month or something? Or at least refresh each other’s memories on where things can be found if ever needed? We try and do that here pretty frequently, but every now and then we forget and take long breaks too… I gotta get back into the habit of it again, so thanks for the reminder :)
    @Mrs. Money Mustache – Awesome! We’ll def. have to find each other once we’re all there, that’s exciting :)

  32. Sarah February 7, 2012 at 12:12 AM

    Not in a relationship anymore, but definitely have lied about finances when I had to support a family member (like $4k or they would lose their car to the bank, therefore loss their job). I knew that my significant other would get upset and wanted to avoid the conversation. The money used was money I earned.

  33. Kira February 7, 2012 at 11:35 AM

    As the only earner in the house, I have not lied to my boyfriend about how dire the situation is. He knows the exact amout he has cost me over the years to the cent, the exact amount of my non-retirement savings (0!) and debt burden. He also knows what my current net worth is all the time, since I keep track of that every month and share my little successes.

    I have lied to my parents about money, though. My brother was in the UK and had a pretty long streak of unemployment after he graduated from a university there (about 6 months). I sent him about $3,000 and lied to them about it when they asked if I did. The truth has since come out, he has a good job and I am in the process of getting it back in the form of free trips to Europe :))) They also don’t know what my current debt is. They do know what my current net worth is and how much I have saved in my 401K for retirement, though.

  34. Michael February 8, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    Honesty is really best. When we think beyond partners, I would only hope my parents could be candid with me about finances, especially as they get older so I could honor their wishes if anything would happen. I don’t think everyone needs to know whenever I buy a coffee but the big stuff should definitely be disclosed and financial decisions, when in a couple, should always be made and followed together.

  35. J. Money February 9, 2012 at 11:43 AM

    @Sarah – Ahhhh that’s an interesting position to be in – esp if you both adamently want one answer over the other, I can see how bad that could be :( I hope it all worked out in the end and your friend is okay now!
    @Kira – Oh wow, lots of hidden money secrets there :) It seems you have good reasons for it though, I’d probably stay hush on certain things too. And I’m sure I have in the past that I can’t remember right now, esp when it comes to friends.
    @Michael – I agree – togetherness is very important. With everythong, not just finances.

  36. Rebecca February 10, 2012 at 3:08 AM

    Hi There! Long time no read! I wont disclose my lack of worth for a long time because if a guy finds out how far I am in the hole (Sallie Mae) I’d die a lonely cat lady! So, I wont disclose until I’m making some money. However, I do have the resources to inquire about him, and I will. A guy with a bad credit score and poor money management skills won’t get far with me.

  37. J. Money February 10, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    Hey friend!!! Wow, yes – def. a long time :) Hope things are well!!