[As part of our new weekly column by Mr. 1500 of 1500Days.com]
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Late in the school year, I went to my older daughter’s classroom to pick her up. When I got there, an overly excited classmate ran up to me holding a spinning contraption:
- Classmate: Look at this!!!
- Me: Is that a gyroscope? I had one of those when I was your age.
- Classmate: No, it’s a fidget spinner!
- Me: A what?
If I were to believe my daughter, every kid in the universe had one except her:
- Daughter: Dad, I want a fidget spinner too! Everyone else has one!
- Me: Ummm, what are you going to do with it?
- Daughter: Spin it of course!
- Me: OK, but you have to use your own money.
Kids and Money
If I bought my children everything they wanted, I’d need a warehouse to store it all. They see. They want. Here is how trips to Target go down:
- Without kids: In and out in 20 minutes on a slow day.
- With kids:
My wife and I have a strict policy: We give the kids gifts on holidays and birthdays, but they’re on their own every other day of the year. We pay them an allowance and if they want something, they need to use their own money.
However, they are insistent and never give up. Despite the previous 10,000 “No’s”, they aren’t afraid to continue asking for stuff. It isn’t easy.
The Wisdom of Older Daughter
Despite being only 10, Older Daughter is a thoughtful and mostly logical person. This is especially true with money. She said this recently:
Why are we going out to eat when it’s so expensive?
And this:
I want a new shirt, but I don’t need it, so I’ll pay for it out of my allowance.
But, she couldn’t resist the siren call of the herd and bought a fidget spinner. After playing with it for a couple of weeks, she admitted having buyer’s remorse:
When I saw other kids with them, I really wanted one. But now, I realize that I wanted it just because they had one. Why was I so silly?
Yes, YES! Very wise Older Daughter.
And this is typically how it goes with her. She doesn’t always make wise money decisions, but usually realizes the error of her ways eventually. For Christmas, a couple relatives gave her $50 in Target gift cards. The next week, she spent it all on clothes for her doll. I was with her at the time and cringed, but held my tongue knowing that a lesson would probably come later. And it did.
Early in the summer, Older Daughter announced she wanted a new bathing suit:
- OD: I really want that bathing suit I saw at Target.
- Me: Your old one still works fine, so we’re not buying it.
- OD: I wish I had enough money to buy it.
- Me: Remember the $50 you spent on doll clothes? I think that you should have saved some of that.
- OD (looking sad and wistful): Yeah…
How Would You Handle it?
Perhaps I’m harsh, but kids have to learn about money. The schools won’t teach them, so I must. I know too many adults with big incomes and little bank accounts. I want my daughters to understand money, even if it takes a couple painful lessons.
And it’s wise to start early. The first time a child begs for a toy is when the conversation needs to start. Nip it in the bud.
Fidget spinners are cheap. Not learning about money will cost you.
How are you going to teach your kids about money?
*****
[EDITOR’S NOTE: If you can believe it, even my 5 y/o knows about fidget spinners! He kept pointing them out every other block as we walked past the beach shops last week, and eventually I caved in and walked him in to buy one. As luck would have it though, he got overwhelmed by the pure number of varieties being offered and couldn’t make up his mind on which to get. Then something else new and shiny caught his eye, and minutes later we were out of the store having picked up nothing – hah! It was also the last time he mentioned fidget spinners the entire trip :)]
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Last year my husband and I started having our 15 year old daughter pay for all of her own expenses, including her school lunch if she opted not to pack a lunch. We also started talking to her about our finances and our plan for financial independence. She earns her money through babysitting, dog sitting, and doing extra chores (We teach her that her regular chores are her contribution to the household so she does not get paid for them).
In hindsight, I wish we had started much earlier. As a child she never asked for much so I didn’t see the need to talk about money. Plus I wasn’t as financially focused as I am now. But that all changed when she became a teenager. Now she wants to shopping for shoes, clothing, and beauty products all the time. We do insist that she save some of her money for college and general savings. But we haven’t figured out how to curb her enthusiasm for spending everything that is left over.
“In hindsight, I wish we had started much earlier.”
Yep. The time to start talking to kids about money is when they start asking for stuff.
“But we haven’t figured out how to curb her enthusiasm for spending everything that is left over.”
Even though we started much earlier than you, this is a constant struggle. Kids see their friends with stuff and want it too. Our biggest one is a phone. In the 3rd grade, some kids had them. My older child hasn’t stopped begging since…
Wow! I really like this strategy. Never thought about restricting lunch money as well, but it really makes sense. For starters is much healthier! Not to mention creates good habits and saves a ton of money. Love it!
I like your approach to gifts and items your kids want. Limiting gifts to birthdays and Christmas and requiring the kiddos to cover other items seems like a great way to teach financial responsibility and money management. Thank you for sharing!
I don’t have children just yet and won’t pretend to know how to parent, but I can say that I was raised where hard lessons were taught.
So from the child’s perspective, being taught a lesson definitely shaped who I am today and I couldn’t be happier than I am conscious about my finances.
The flip side is that I go through life, entitled, expecting that mommy, daddy and the world is going to be taking care of my mistakes.
Great post. I am sharing with my wife now.
“I was raised where hard lessons were taught.”
Me too! And I’m so thankful for it. My parents instilled a work ethic and never bought us anything when we begged at stores. The lack of gifts was the biggest gift they gave me!
6 of our software engineers went to a conference and came back with spinners, half the time we are sitting around having a conversation they are playing with the damn things
I like the way you tackle money lessons with your child, I have a few years before I need to worry about these lessons but will be looking to the PF community for all the advice we can get
So…you’re saying slap bracelets aren’t cool anymore?
Haha…. those are ALWAYS cool. Even when they cut you :)
Wait, you were alive when slap bracelets were a thing?
Haha of course! I also remember using phonebooks, rotary telephones, typewriters, and checking out library books with those cards where they stamp the return date…
I’m a very old millennial.
Rotary phones and typewriters! Good riddance to that nonsense! Regarding the former, remember when you’d be almost done with the number and botch it up? You’d have to start all over again. Grrrrr…
True story: We were at a museum yesterday and one of the displays made a noise like an old phone ringing. My 5 year old goes: “What on earth is that noise?”
Our oldest who is five used the change from his piggy bank to buy a fidget spinner. We allowed home to spend a third, donate a third and save a third. We do that plus games, but five is still a bit young for more direct lessons.
We use that same strategy! The local bank even gave us Save, Spend, Give piggy banks.
Seriously awesome! I wish more people, not just your kiddo, had this mindset – “When I saw other kids with them, I really wanted one. But now, I realize that I wanted it just because they had one. Why was I so silly?”
Just think about the lack of consumer debt if everyone follow this principal?
“Just think about the lack of consumer debt if everyone follow this principal?”
I know, right? Fidget spinners today, luxury cars tomorrow…
Both my 10 and 6 year old boys are blogging and I give them a quarter for every view they get. I don’t pay them for chores because it’s torture for me to pay them money when they rush through the job with less than stellar results. This way, they work on communication skills, the amount is dependent on how much they do and how hard they work to promote it (to family). And the blog keeps track of the details so I don’t have to. Win-win. The blogs are retweeted on my twitter account @vickey645s.
Be careful sharing their blog posts with us – if we make ’em go viral you’ll be in the poor house! ;)
I think this is a great lesson. I actually had a similar conversation with my wife about an item and I think she channeled your daughter in the face she made.
Oh man. We went through the fidget spinner phase in our house and the kid is 14! Then they outlawed them at his school but he got special permission because he is ADHD. It doesn’t make much difference because the spinner wasn’t helping him, he just has something cool the other kids don’t now. And of course now no one wants them because they can’t have them at school so he doesn’t even have it anymore. It’s an endless cycle of ridiculousness with these crazes.
You are definitely right, it is up to the parents to teach their kids about money. We are severely lacking in finance education in our schools but it is the one topic that will make ANY person succeed. Not everyone has a skill with Math, Science, English, or History but money is something we all need to learn. Sounds like your kids are getting a great education. :)
“We are severely lacking in finance education in our schools but it is the one topic that will make ANY person succeed.”
YES!!!! Why don’t schools teach it? Are they afraid of offending parents?
Teacher: Don’t buy an Audi until you have the cash to pay for it! Save first!
Little Johnny: But my mommy said she had to have one!
Teacher: Ummm….
Yup… gonna have to talk about REAL LIFE fun stuff too if you want the kids to even pay attention in the classes! Fancy cars, being a millionaire, never having to work again in your life – that’ll get any kid excited enough to want to start a budget! ;)
Fidget spinners were a huge pain in my a$$ at school. For 99% of kids, they were distracting toys and for the 1% of kids who used them properly – we already had “fidgets” in place for them at school already. (It’s as if some people didn’t think we support kids with attention issues???) We had kids who couldn’t pay for lunch but had 10 fidget spinners in their bags (and not the dollar store ones…) “Perhaps I’m harsh, but kids have to learn about money.” You’re right – and there are schools that are teaching about it. Not enough of them – but it is starting. We’re “harsh” then too, because we said a lot of knows – or buy it with your own money – as our kids grew up. Neither will have any college debt when they finish school. I guess we did alright.
Nice – we said a lot of “NO’s” (not knows…) This voice program I’m using isn’t that great! J$ needs an “edit” button ;)
You left that comment with voice?? That’s pretty cool!! :)
Great topic. Glad to see your daughter has a head start. I fear for those parents who don’t have their finances together themselves to be able to pass on the wisdom. I think we all need to push the school system to include it in their curriculum. After working with mine I have been able to have a K-12 program approved for 6K students. Looking forward to the results.
We haven’t figured out the money completely when it comes to the kids. Luckily, the oldest is 2.5. Plan to have an allowance that is used for toys, games, and clothes. (perhaps we will help with clothes around back to school time. They grow like weeds)
One this is for sure! Fidget spinners are fun for 5 mins and then are pointless. I am so glad i didn’t buy one and got one as swag at a tech conference :D
I feel like i need to check one out now just to say i was a part of the fad :)
My son is only 2, but I’ve been brainstorming ideas about how to teach him about personal finance when he’s older.
I think you’re not harsh at all. You use discipline in a gentle way which enables your kids to learn on their own. I think I’m going to learn this from you!
Thanks Mr. FAF! Balancing discipline without being a jerk is always hard. I figure I can be my children’s friend when they are grown up.
I have to admit that I didn’t talk a lot about money to my children. Being divorced when they were 6 and 2 I was instructed by the courts to not talk to them about money. Their father assured them that I was taking all his money so they could have anything they wanted. My children didn’t go without but they didn’t get everything they wanted. I helped with college but both have student loans that need a monthly payment from them. That is truly when I started the lessons…we would sit down and I would say this is the bill…this is what I am paying…this is what you are responsible. We did that every semester until graduation. They both knew the cost, that they chose to incur. I believe by watching what they do with their money that they are both savvy and will always be in control. There is nothing better than watching your kids make smart $ decisions.
I believe the younger you start talking, showing and living within your means help them understand.
“There is nothing better than watching your kids make smart $ decisions.”
Yes. Yes! YES!!
Love this post! We are already working on this with our 4 year-old. I read Smart Money, Smart Kids by Dave Ramsey and his daughter, Rachel Cruze, and it really made sense to me. There are some chores he does because he is part of a family and some he does to earn money. The idea is to not only teach him to budget but that work is how we earn money. Grammy thinks it’s too much but Grammy is also living on social security and in credit card debt so I’m going to go ahead and try it my way.
Oh man can I relate! As a stay home dad for the summer with 3 kids ranging 6 through 12 they go pretty much everywhere with me during the day. I absolutely dread going to the store…..any store, Target, grocery store you name it! So true too, by myself I can be in and out in no time, with them not so much. I do try to explain good money management to them when they start asking for things they WANT.
They do prefer to shop with their mom who isn’t quite as frugal and full of rants like I tend to be. :)
Good cop bad cop :)
That wisdom of your daughter at such a young age – priceless. Like you, we limited gifts to birthdays and holidays (probably went overboard on them then though), and other wants came out of their own money. Today my 23 y.o. son is doing well, already saving a considerable amount in his 401k and Roth. My 29 y.o. daughter saves, yet still, pursues wants too often. Sigh.
“That wisdom of your daughter at such a young age – priceless.”
I know! But younger daughter is the opposite (“I JUST WANT EVERYTHING!”), so we have balance.
What is up with fidget spinners anyway? What is the draw.
Glad to see you are raising a smart cookie. We have a 2 year old and I have started discussing consumerism with him all ready. I always show the transactions we are making and try to have cash (instead of credit card) so he can see the actual transaction taking place. He has asked for things in the past and we say no. I look forward to when he is older and can start spending his own money (much like your daughter).
I bet that doll looked good in the $50 worth of clothes. :)
I am so lost. What is a fidget spinner? What does it do? Is that it? Why is it designed like purple dollar signs?
Clever older daughter is clever! Good kids get buyers remorse more often I believe (;
Oh no! You’re making me want to use my favorite website, but I shouldn’t cause it’s slightly snarky. Must. Resist. Dah, I can’t! Here you go: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=what+is+a+fidget+spinner%3F
:) Just kidding! The fact that you don’t know what a fidget spinner is is a good thing! I wish I didn’t know either.
My daughter is 3, so we haven’t had money conversations yet. Though she is a bit young for money, she isn’t too young to learn that just because she wants doesn’t mean she is going to get. For stores like Target we have explained to her that if she says “I want” over and over we will have to leave because those are things for looking and not for taking. More often than not she would rather stay than whine, so that works out. At yard sales the rule is that she can pick up toys and play with them while I dive through the bins of clothes, and when I am done, so is she, and the toys must be put back where she found them.
Ugh. My parents had it much easier when we were young. The Indian markets hadn’t opened up, and we lived in smaller towns – there were no malls or giant stores. It was much easier not to want stuff when there wasn’t any stuff to want.
“Ugh. My parents had it much easier when we were young. The Indian markets hadn’t opened up, and we lived in smaller towns – there were no malls or giant stores.”
The curse of capitalism, right? We hardly ever watch TV, but the kids were watching an on-air kids show a couple weeks ago. It seemed like 13 minutes of show with 17 minutes of hardcore toy commercials.
Aww, it’s so cute to see your kiddos learning about money so young! You’re doing a great job. ;) I was pretty spoiled as a kid, but I was able to learn I could buy a bigger toy by saving my money instead of blowing it on crappy toys more often.
We’re not quite at that point yet. Our kid has a piggy bank, but he doesn’t know he could spend it on whatever he wants. So he just ask us to buy stuff for him. Our trips to Target aren’t too much trouble. He goes to oogle the Legos and that’s about it. He knows we won’t buy it for him until there is a special occasion. We’ll keep learning about money.
His grandfather sent him a fidget spinner. He played with it for about a week and he’s done with it.
I do the exact same thing with my kids. It might seem a bit harsh, but it’s better to learn the money lessons early.
The fidget spinner craze has definitely reached epic levels now! Even my kids at 2 and 4 years old know what they are! Personally, I don’t get it — they spin. So what?
Bravo to you and Mrs. 1500 for teaching them from the start. There are no hand-outs in life and the sooner they learn that the better. They will also appreciate the hard-earned money when they start working. I’m curious to know how to dole out allowance. Is it weekly? Based on chores they do around the house?
Yep, allowance is weekly and based on chores. Unloading the dishwasher is $2 for the week. There are other tasks like pulling weeds and cleaning bathrooms too.
Some tasks are expected of them without pay too. An example of that is keeping clean rooms.
I have these same conversations with my older boys (not the two year old). We still use examples of purchases they regret from the past to talk about making wiser purchasing decisions with their birthday/xmas money. And we have the same policy of not buying non-necessities except as gifts. The 13 year old has become very smart with his money-he does research, doesn’t impulse buy, looks for bargains, etc. The 10 year old is still learning but he’s much better than he used to be. And we talk about things like fidget spinners, how they’re dads, and why they’re not a good use of money. Neither of my boys asked for one, or used their own money to buy one-I’m proud of them. :)
This is almost the exact strategy we use with our kids. Our oldest son is a saving super star. He rarely spends his money, and when he does, it’s on something like books (which I inherently approve of; maybe that’s mi bias!). Our youngest son wastes everything he has on Legos. Like you, I bite my tongue a lot, and then try to find moments for lessons later (“How long did that Lego set make you happy?” “One day. I know, Mama, but THIS one is going to change my life!”). I’m hoping he’s a slow learner. I think he is–he’s slowly starting to make comments that make me think some lessons are sinking in!
My almost 12 year old is saving up for a Nintendo Switch so he can also get the new Legend of Zelda game. They have a Wii (which we bought 2nd hand for about $50 way after it was released) and I’m not a huge fan of gaming systems because they are expensive and games are expensive. Anyway, I told him he could get it but he’d have to pay for it. He gets an allowance (half his age, so $5.50/week) and we do pay him $25 to mow the lawn. So, he has almost $300 saved up now. I think he has to save $400 for the console and the game (including tax). I told him they might get cheaper at Christmas or do a game bundle or something, but I doubt he will be able to hold out. I’m proud of him for saving. He also saved and bought his 3DS (reburbished off Ebay for a lot less). His younger brother, who is almost 9, doesn’t have as much earning potential, but is also saving up for a game for this console.
It’ll be interesting to see if he ends up handing it all over for the system in the end! I remember taking like a year to save up $100 for the original Nintendo Gameboy (hah) and by the end of it I wanted to keep all the cash instead :) It took forever to save up!!
I have no doubt he will part with the cash. He wanted me to buy it with my credit card and then to pay me back and I told him no. I want him to buy it himself with all that money he took so long to save up, like you said. It always hurts a little handing it over, even if you really want it. But, I also want him to feel the pride of saving up for it and buying it himself. Mowing our yard in the heat of the South is hard work. He is working hard for that cash.
I’m almost glad my parents did not attempt to teach me anything about money. I could see plenty from their bad examples. No fidget spinners necessary for that lesson.
Some show us how to live, others show us how not to live…
Yeah my girls have 2 each. They paid for half the costs, and I funded the other half. Its suppose to help with growing attention spans, but the report on the results is still in the office space printer. Um Yeah I will get back to you on maybe next Friday. Try it out its a fun little gimmick, I mean Gadget.
Ha ha, the J$ household is about to get some fidgety items in the mail. Hopefully the spinner doesn’t mess with the ‘hawk!
I think you’re doing it just right – it sounds like your daughter has already learned a ton about the value of money. I hope we can do the same with our kids.
Our oldest is almost a bit obsessive about money – she’s always looking for extra chores that she can do to make money. Last night she told my wife that we were “getting cheaper” because we haven’t been giving her as much as she used to get for some of the chores.
We explained that it’s proportional – If dad’s not making much money, then you don’t get much. Now she wants to help me make money blogging. Just gotta figure out what a 6-year-old can do… :)
GIVE THE WOMAN A BLOG!!!! :)
These fidget spinners are everywhere! lol
That is an insanely wise daughter. I wouldn’t have made some of those comments when I was at that age. I probably would have whined. I SO want to smack younger me….
I have friends who gave their children a decent allounce, but they had to buy everything on their own that they wanted and also encouraged to save. So those times when the children asked for something, they always got the same response “you have your own money, you can buy it or save it for later”. I always thought that was SO cool. It sounds like you have something similar and that’s awesome.
Keep it up!
-Andrew
I am all about money saving so I am trying to teach my son the same. I bought him one fidget spinner as a reward for a good week at school, but then he saw another one that he said was ‘rare’. He’s only 7 and doesn’t actually know what that really means! He had some money left from his birthday so I told him I thought it was a waste of money and money would be better spent elsewhere, so if he wanted it then he needed to use his own money so he did. I really wish he hadn’t spent his money on it, but hopefully when the fidget spinner is left sitting on the side and he wants something else that he hasn’t got the money for, he’ll get the message.
It’s then time for lesson #2: how to sell stuff to get your money back :)
Oooh yes. I’ve already had him taking pics of his toys to sell on Facebook to buy new toys. Fidget spinners are definately next
“…but hopefully when the fidget spinner is left sitting on the side and he wants something else that he hasn’t got the money for, he’ll get the message.”
Yep! And I don’t think it hurts to help drive the message home!: “Your fidget spinner is collecting dust. If you had saved the money instead, you’d be able to buy…”
A relative of mine who’s an elementary school teachers really doesn’t like fidget spinners. The kids tend to use them ABOVE the desk or table, no matter how many times they’re asked not to do that, which means their fellow students are mesmerized by what’s going on in their hands. Teacher, on the other hand, is trying to get everyone’s eyes on that day’s lesson.
As far as kids and money lessons go, this article is a classic:
http://ipickuppennies.net/2015/03/baby-heather-was-possessed-and-other-money-tales/
(Full disclosure: I’m the free-range parent who left the author in the hotel room to be traumatized by a malfunctioning plaything.)
Haha… of course you were :)