The following is a list of things to consider the next time you decide to order delivery from a local restaurant (some are money related, and some are not — but all are true!):
- We can’t get you your food if you give us the wrong address…
- Porch lights work wonders. If we can’t see your house number we can’t find your house.
- The street address to your apartment building is great, but without an apartment number it’s pretty much null and void.
- You are told a total on the phone (or web) for a reason. Making us stand in the door while you write a check so your friends/children/pets can stare at us only makes us late for someone else’s delivery.
- As much as we love looking at naked customers, please put SOMETHING on before answering the door. It’s not like you don’t know we’re coming…
- Dogs — The only thing between us and your 800 pound dog is a steaming hot pizza. You want to eat, we want to live… LOCK UP YOUR PET!
- Greek Housing — There are 30 or more of you for one address. Giving us the house number and the name John is not going to cut it!
- Greek Housing — Your Greek Letters do not count as an address. We’re not Greek; we don’t know where you are.
- If you don’t want to pick up your food because it’s icy, expect a longer delivery time. Our cars aren’t any more special than yours. Ice = UNSAFE
- We appreciate the thought, but we can’t spend beer, we can’t deposit beer, we can’t pay rent in beer… in short — cash makes for a better tip.
- If it’s so cold outside you need to shut the door while writing the check, what makes you think we want to stand on the porch and wait for it? Come on people!
- No, we don’t have change for your 100 dollar bill. Would you walk around with that much cash in your pocket?
- We’re just drivers. We don’t control the prices. Our managers don’t control the prices. If you want to complain to someone about prices, call that guy on the TV commercial. The one with the fake tan and the BMW.
- We love talking to you, really, but the more time we spend with you the less money we make somewhere else.
- “Keep the change” is a great response if the change is about 1.50 or more. A dollar is below average. Anything less is just an insult. Telling us to keep a quarter is just ridiculous. If you’re not going to tip at least just be quiet and shut the door in our disappointed faces.
- Talking to about how horrible the weather is, and then not tipping, is not only an insult to us, but also makes you look really really dumb. We’re soaking wet and cold and we almost died bringing you your food… we know how bad it is outside.
- If you’re going to complain about gas prices, we are NOT the people to complain to… especially if you aren’t going to tip us.
- We understand that money is money, but have you ever carried $20 dollars worth of quarters in your pocket? Not easy.
- Delivery Charge IS NOT A TIP! We either don’t see the charge at all or it goes directly into mileage expenses.
- To the DORMS — if you can’t tip, then eat in the cafeteria. It’s already paid for.
- If you order food it’s generally expected that you be there until it arrives. Not a hard concept to grasp
- To the after the bars crowd — try passing out AFTER you pay us.
- If your order is wrong, there is a good chance we didn’t take your order/make your order/or have anything to do with your order. Please don’t yell at us or punish us for it.
- We have great memories. Especially when it comes to addresses and names.
- Guess what? Snow covered sidewalks and porches are hard to walk on. Many a delivery driver tailbone has been sacrificed for your food. Remember this.
- Don’t complain about our driving. We’re not all bad drivers. Fast maybe. Do you tip a late order? Just a thought…
- If you short change us, we eat the cost. Don’t complain to us if you don’t have the money. You ordered the food; we’re not paying for it.
- We appreciate your attempt to save our souls, but religious solicitation doesn’t count as a tip. Slip us a few dollars and then we’ll talk church.
- Write the check for the right establishment. Know where you’re ordering from!!
- Placing a flashing/vibrating dildo on top of the pizza box while you get the money while hosting a ‘sex party’ is slightly awkward…
- No we don’t want to “join you”, we don’t want to “earn our tip” and we don’t want to give you our number. We want your money. End of story. Take a cold shower and get a life.
- We appreciate the fact that a lot of college students are poor. Guess what? We’re college students…we’re poor!
- When the door bell rings please answer it in a timely manner. ESPECIALLY if you’ve ordered a couple of things. There’s nothing harder than standing in the cold/rain/wind etc with a few pizzas and a 2 liter.
- Yeah, we sing in the car…get over it and quit gawking at the crazy girl with the sign on her car.
- BE NICE. We’re people. Not dogs. If you had a bad day don’t make us share in it with you.
DON’T MESS WITH PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOUR FOOD!!!! It’s that simple…
Elegantly put by fellow blogger, Brandi ;)
(Photo by Kojach)
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I half considered the delivery job, but Mr. Steph said “No” to a delivery sign on top of his (or mine, we have 2) Mustang!
I didn’t realize delivery people fantasies were so… well, common
My ex-husband was a delivery guy. Reading this was like a throw back to his rant at the end of an evening. I think most people just don’t get it unless you spell it out for them…..thanks for spelling it out!
Brandi- this is awesome! I have never been a delivery driver (not big on ordering either, I’d rather enjoy the food hot at the restaurant) but I have worked in a few restaurants. People that have never been in food service are so clueless. Some of these made me laugh because they were so stupid but I know you’ve probably seen it all and have the 23 cent tips to show for it!
My dad had a delivery driver job when we were kids, and he has plenty of horror stories ( including being robbed…fun! :/ ). I have thought about it once or twice as a nice part time gig for some extra bucks, but I don’t know if I’d have the patience to deal with people like that :P
People really tip under a dollar? I usually tip a minimum of four bucks and the pizza place I order from is only three blocks away!
Loved this one: We appreciate the fact that a lot of college students are poor. Guess what? We’re college students…we’re poor!
I have delivered pizza, subs and newspapers and most people either do not tip or tip poorly. I don’t think people understand that most of the delivery persons money, goes towards their vehicle. If you don’t like delivery charges then either purchase from a different place or go get the food yourself. I usually go and get my own pizza now, but if I do get delivery I definitely tip well.
Same goes for waitresses/waiters. I had friends who got by with those jobs so I usually tip very well.
No, NO NO NO! I work at Pizza Hut and NO NO NO NO NO, We do NOT get a penny of the delivery charge.
I REPEAT ,WE DO NOT GET ANY OF THE DELIVERY CHARGE.
This was kind of a lame post.
I can see tipping delivery drivers well since they bring your food in all kinds of weather..however, majority of the time it just isn’t hot and the quality i s much lower. That’s a given if it’s delivery, and it’s the trade-off you make for being lazy.
But what’s the deal with restaurant and bar tips and 20% becoming the standard?? I come from the restaurant business (ownership) and I can tell you that it is absolutely unnecessary to have to tip that much for standard service. If you have a big party, you’re already paying for the hard word the server puts in, but if you have 2 or 3 people, then they just aren’t working that hard for your table. Not for 20% of your bill. Most will disagree, but we have become a nation of tippers..everywhere you go in Hawaii there are tip jars..for doing NOTHING extra for you..just being a cashier at a convenient store. It’s all so silly.
But back to the list above..it’s kind of lame. More of a rant for drivers…when, to be honest, I haven’t had a good (i.e. fast) deliver driver in years.
key word is ownership, I feel like that alone sets you in a different group, most owners i have known think a fair days work for a fair days pay includes working 12 hours of sweaty hot work for 25% of minimum wage. “. If you have a big party, you’re already paying for the hard word the server puts in” work* i think is what you meant to type but in all honesty just because they payed the servers low wages that you had to pay doesn’t mean the server got everything she earned. I feel like there’s some massive sense of entitlement people get when they own things, like just they’re name on the ownership is enough to justify overworking people for pennies on the dollar, you know? and then they bitch that they’re paying too much and start working people more and paying less, this kind of I’ve got mine mentallity is going to drive the world to ruin.
Good post. But what about some nicer posts like when a customer is nice or when a CSR is nice, its like websites like to focus on the wrong things about customer service. I hate that. Its why I quit reading the consumerist, its all this negativity. Nobody wants to talk about how some clerk helped them, or how a waiter gave them a discount or an extra muffin or whatever.
I work in CSR, I’m a college student, I know its hard to work in the service industry but what about some positive things about the customer service-y industry. Not all my customers are jerks, in fact, many of them are quite sweet. Yeah I do have some psychos now and then but not often.
To Fontaine, that is a fair question. I feel compelled to remind you though that restaurant servers generally don’t make the standard minimum wage. Most of my friends who served through college made about $2.50/hr. So either the government standard needs to change where servers are concerned or customers should remember that you are paying that little extra so that you don’t have to serve yourself. No worrying about prep, no groceries, no dishes. It’s the convenience mostly. I don’t believe in tipping for poor or below average service. But tipping is a way of showing the server you appreciate the fact that they are doing you a service.
To Jaime, most people do tend to focus on the negative. It seems to be easier to do so. After 6 years of delivering pizzas in Kansas however, I can tell you there are very few “outstanding customers” or even really nice people. Delivery driving is much different than serving in a restaurant though, because you are on the customer’s terf, not your own. In my 6 years there i got hit on more often than I got tipped even $.50, I was yelled at by tons of older customers who thought that my generation didn’t deserve to be paid well, and fell on more iced over sidewalks than I even care to remember. While the customer waited at the door for me to get up off the ground and bring them their food.
I may be a tad jaded, but that’s why I’m not in the delivery business anymore :) It did put me through college and now I get to work as an engineer instead!
In CA, it’s illegal to pay less than minimum wage. They still expect 20%. And they get it from me.
I found this really interesting (and a bit funny :D) to read.
It makes me want to be sympathetic to delivery drivers… but the ones here just seem incredibly stupid! Supplying the full address, even which flat buzzer to press, doesn’t seem to mean they can find us and they always phone. Tragic.
Customers call all the time and give an address with the house number but when drivers are looking for your house number and your number is tiny and you are not even close to the street it makes it hard. Hey and did you ever stop to think the lady who took the order could have taken down the wrong address??? humm did you ever think of that? We drivers do NOT take the orders. Calling a driver stupid is not very nice. No wonder you get bad service
I like all of these, but have to gently quibble with #34. Everyone who sings in the car gets gawked at, not just delivery drivers! :-) Thanks for the funny list.
I use to work in fast food, and I still work in customer service. Here’s the simple fact, I’m sorry you don’t get paid as much as you should for the work you do, but a tip is to show appreciation and while it is considered custom, it is not mandated. Now I always try to tip, but as #32 says, I’m a broke college student. I always have enough for the bill before I order, but the tip is expendable.
Also porch lights work wonders, but so does google maps.
Google maps are NOT always updated and NOT everyone leaves the porch light on. Not all address have the numbers on the house some have a mail box that NEEDS PAINTING cause the numbers faded. County roads are the worst because your mail box might be a mile down the road from your house so how is anyone suppose to fin you? You can’t call because y’all order then dont answer your PHONE!!!
When getting pizza delivered, I’ll do all of the above.
But, drivers do your part and find my house without getting lost.
If you don’t know my neighborhood as well as your own, use a friggin gps.
Again, We are NOT the ones who take the address down..the person that answers the phone is the one who writes the address down. If you live in a private home DON’t put Business . It’s not as easy as you think, people are human and not perfect. if your house is hard to find (which i assume it is or the driver would find it) then the driver should call you OH Wait: you have a phone to order the pizza but you dont answer it if called back, that happens on every delivery where a house is out in the boondocks with about 20 mail boxes together and NO HOUSE NUMBER.
It would be helpful to understand what type of money a delivery driver does make. For instance, are they paid a wage plus mileage and tips? Or do they depend on tips in order to make their basic wage, or they’re footing gas/mileage costs themselves?
Without knowing this, the author comes across as being all about “the tip”, even though he/she has decided to largely deride the very people who can give these tips — people who order pizza.
The author ends with the warning, “DON’T MESS WITH PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOUR FOOD!!!!” — why does the author choose to implicitly endorse food service workers “messing with” food that will be served/delivered to customers? This doesn’t seem like a wise attitude to have if, in fact, one is trying to earn tips.
Let’s please remember that tips are there to reward prompt service. Not an entitlement for those that choose this job over others.
At the place I work at, drivers make minimum wage in store and much less when routed on delivery. Newer drivers only make about 5.35 per hour when routed, so yes…those tips are very important for making up for that. Drivers are also basically the grunts of the pizza business. We wash all the dishes, we do half the prep, we even help make and cut the pizzas. We get no meal breaks and just taking a second to use the bathroom between deliveries is a hassle. Delivering food all day long while starving on a full bladder and sweating under a hat forced by regulation is really kind of like torture. Add to the fact that we have to drive under some pretty horrid traffic and weather conditions at times, customers can’t be bothered to have the common decency to put porch lights on at night and some of us get jumped and robbed while trying to bring your pie to you, damned straight, you should TIP. Not to mention we use our personal vehicles and gas, and have to pay twice as much for maintenance as the average commuter.
I would also like to point out that we drivers are NOT your personal banks. We don’t (and never should) carry more than twenty dollars in bills on us. Don’t hand me a fifty or hundred dollar bill for a twenty dollar order and then act surprised that I don’t have the money on me to break it. I drive MY car, not a freaking armored bank. I’m not going to carry hundreds of dollars on me at any given time. Deposit your big bills or break them down at banks. Stop treating drivers like your freaking change machines and then getting offended that we don’t have a freaking safe in our cars. Idiots.
Having worked many service jobs in many different fields, it’s like this: either you tip servers, cabbies and delivery people well or you are a miserable worthless cheapskate who should stay home and do your own cooking. Spare us your pathetic excuses, character shortcomings and religious tracts. Either you tip or you suck.
Read some of the stories for a better look behind the scenes of the delivery life.
Funny, sad, and scary!
I commend delivery people for the job they do. I know it’s not easy at all!
No, i’m not letting a stranger into my house just because it’s cold out. Don’t want to wait outside, eliminte the concept and actuality of rape, robbery, and assault now and for all time. Can’t do that? Then face reality.
Ethel: Nobody said anything about letting a stranger into your house. Just have the check already made out when the delivery guy gets there, you nincompoop.
Amen. My response was much harsher, but you got straight to the point.
Thx again for guest posting Brandi – this post took off all over last week! (Consumerist, Fark – it was awesome). Here’s to a great week :)
I think the restaurant minimum wage varies by state. I think most are below the minimum, but I know Hawaii state law requires severs make at least national minimum, which makes it appealing to become a server in Hawaii versus other states.
LOL you guys are the ones who signed up for the job stop complaining.. now all i want to do is talk about how bad the gas prices are and give you $10 in quarters for a tip!
1. tell your employer to pay you a decent wage.
2. its not our job to supplement your income because your employer is cheap.
3. we don’t tip the mailman, the UPS driver, the plumber, the handyman… all delivery
products and services we order to our door.
4. don’t squeeze your pimples at the door while we get our money ready.
5. if you know you’re delivering a cold pizza, own up to it. Let’s talk about it.
6. having a pizza delivery job doesn’t entitle you to drive restlessly and endanger others.
7. not carrying enough change is your fault, not ours.
(if the truth be told, I actually DO tip the pizza guy)
Clean your stinking house when your driver is standing in the door!
Have your money ready.
Hang up the phone.
Stop being a selfish low life cheapskate
and for christ sake IS THAT SH-T smeared on your wall? How do you eat here?
Pizza drivers Leaves with video and shows video to everyone how rude you were to a person who brought food to your door,post it on line and everyone thinks you’re a AH
haha, all good things to think about ;)
omg thanks so much for putting this up im a driver and frankly alot of these things have happened to me and its really annoying lol. Amen to you lol.
I am a delivery guy. i am a student and i am poor. All of the above sentences are so true. I hate some bastards who order pizza
haha, I bet ;) good for you on hustling though and bringing home that money! remember it’s all temporary and in a few years you’ll be rockin’ it a lot easier with even more money to show for it :)
Yes thank you im a delivery driver this just hit the pin on the head
More people need to read this
Glad you agree :)
Basically what you are saying is “I don’t like my job” “I don’t care about you” “Give me lots of money asshole”. Maybe you should read 13 again OP. If you don’t like your salary talk to the guy in the BMW, not to the customers. It’s not their fault you get bad wages.
34. If you sing or make any kind of noise outside, people will look. Get over it. Does people looking at you bother you that much? Stay inside if it does.
Basically what you are saying is “wait on me hand and foot for free cause im to lazy to get up off my fat rear and go get my own pizza to bad you have to drive in dangerous traffic or dangerous weather or dangerous neighborhoods where you could get muged just to bring my fat a$$ something to put in my gut”.
Yeah, that seems to be what the anti-tippers are saying. Hope they all choke to death on their pizza and get impoverished to the point where they too have to live the lives they look down upon to make ends meet.
This couldn’t be farther from the truth. What I hate most is the asshats who tip low for a big order. Can you seriously get any cheaper? Our job relies on tips mostly!
I’ve had people tip me five dollars for a huge order over 100 dollars on cost, and then received a ten dollar tip for one pizza. Guess which one gets priority on my delivery route the next time? ;-)
Thanks for emphasizing that a delivery charge is not a tip. My son wants to order his own pizza for dinner but he can’t drive. I’ll show him this article so he can learn delivery etiquette for the future.
Even more so now with the pandemic, delivery services for all types of goods are on the rise. Tipping etiquette is very important to make sure gig workers are making enough money in their jobs. Thanks Chris! Have a great week!