Every few weeks I’ll lean in to my wife and whisper, “If I were to die tomorrow, I’d be a happy man.” It freaks her the hell out (and rightfully so) but it’s a reminder to her, and more importantly to myself, that as of this day in time I have enough.
I have enough love. I have enough things. And I (almost) have enough money ;) It’s a pretty powerful thing to realize.
When you truly have enough you no longer spend energy or time chasing stuff in hopes they fulfill you. You still desire things like, say, millions of dollars or a 6 pack of beer/abs, but you know deep down that you don’t *need* any of that to be happy. They’re just “wants.” You’re thankful for what you have and you count your blessings for it – everything else is just gravy.
My friend Donna summed it up perfectly in a past article of hers:
“I have everything I need and some of what I want. How many people get to say that, and to mean it?”
That line has stuck with me for over a year and a half now. How beautiful it is to realize such a thing! How many people do we know who’s genuinely satisfied with their lives and not forever chasing fulfillment? And faux fulfillment at that? She later went on to divulge her income and why she’s now fine living off $36,000/year instead of $85,000/year, and it’s an interesting read if you ever have a few seconds to check it out.
So how do you become content with a life so financially driven and fast paced? By taking the time to look around and acknowledge what you’re thankful for right now. It’s a lot harder to want more when you realize just how much you already have.
For example, here are the things that first come to mind when I stop and do this exercise myself:
- I have two beautiful boys
- I have (one) beautiful wife
- I have a roof over my head with furniture and internet and electricity to keep me warm
- I have tons of food and running water to keep our bellies full
- I have a job I feel gives me purpose
- I have a nest egg of money that’s (knock on wood) growing
- And I have a beating heart and a pulse
That last one’s pretty important :) But how often do you stop and consider that? How many people do you know who will never get more time here on Earth? If you were to die the second you finished reading this sentence, would you be passing on with a smile on your face?
I don’t mean to get all sentimental up in here, but these are the things we often overlook in the midst of our chaotic lives. We’re constantly chasing that “next thing” whatever it is and rarely take a few moments to soak in everything we’ve accomplished so far. When we hit $1,000 in savings we want to hurry up and get $2,000. When we pay off one credit card we want to hurry up and pay off the second. As soon as we get a promotion at work we want to go for the next one! All noble feats which of course we should always strive for, but we also need to be better about relishing what we have now and give ourselves pats on the back too.
Here, I’ll give you 15 seconds to pause and think of one beautiful thing in your life right now. Close your eyes if no one’s watching and really concentrate on it. How would you feel if it were gone? How much better is your life with this thing in it?
I sometimes have these moments in life where I’m walking down the street alone and then all of a sudden feel this warmth of pure joy wash over me. As if to remind me to slow down for a hot minute and remember what living’s about. I don’t know where the heck it comes from or why it occurs when it does (it only happens every 3-4 years), but in those flashing seconds I’m the happiest I’ve ever felt. And then wonder if I’m about to be scooped away and lifted into the heavens, haha…
The point of all this, of course, is just to remind you that things aren’t so horrible all the time. We will have our $hitty days and things that’ll happen to us we’ll never quite understand, but we’ll also have a ton of joy and accomplished dreams come our way that we could never have imagined as well. In short, we have to do a better job of being thankful for what we have *in this moment right now* while we still have it ‘cuz Lord knows what our future holds.
So, if you’d allow me, I’d like to carry on my tradition of freaking people out and let you guys know that if this is the last time you ever hear from me on this sexy blog here, know I am one happy (and thankful) mother budgeter. And I couldn’t have asked for a more supportive, and genuinely nice, group of readers. I’ll try and email y’all from heaven.
Happy Friday :)
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PS: If you’re one of my new 300 readers reading this right now, I’ll assume you’re just as awesome and I appreciate you too. Also, my posts aren’t always so mushy. Check out this one here or this one here if you’re into more feisty/money-focused articles. Thanks for trying the site out!
[Photo cred: Eva Blue]
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Well put, man. I just said the same thing in my 55 reasons it’s okay to be 55. About thinking what life would be like without a beautiful thing in it – this mostly relates to people. If you lose someone important, life would not be so good. Which makes being okay with dying tomorrow bittersweet. You’ll be fine, but what havoc will it create for those you love? That’s the part that makes me want to live to 110. Of course, by then they’ll be saying, alright already.. you got the King’s congratulatory letter… What more do you want? :-P
Haha – I hear ya. My only fear with leaving this world early is that I won’t be there for my kids as they grow up :( I literally tear up anytime I think of a future like that which means right now my heart hurts, ack!
J$,
I feel the same way…for the most part, EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!
Very good read. Perfect timing for me personally. Much appreciated.
Perfectly said. I couldn’t agree more. For me, learning to live simply and frugally has opened my eyes up to how much we truly have. We’re not striving for the next thing to buy or the next way to show off, we’re just enjoying and appreciating life. Have an awesome weekend with your sweet family (glad you clarified that you have just one wife ;))!
Just in case she was reading, ya know ;)
Every night as I lay my head down on the pillow I think of one thing I’m thankful for from the day. It’s always easy, and my mind usually floods with awesome experiences, accomplishments, or people in my life that I am thankful for. I heard a phrase once that I really take to heart: Happy people are not thankful…..thankful people are happy.
I like that one man :) I’ll try getting into that habit as well – that’s a good one.
Several months ago I started to take time every day to think of at least three things that I am grateful for. I am so glad I did, because the act of consciously doing this every day really has changed my mental outlook on life. We really do have a lot to be grateful for, and I find myself feeling more fulfilled and happy since I started doing this. It’s powerful!
Glad I saw this post first thing this morning – In a happy and grateful mood as my little girl and I get ready for our day :)
Have a happy Friday J!
Aww yay!! Give your little girl a hug from Uncle J$!
You speak truth, good sir. When I take a step back it is clear that I’m very blessed and yeah, if I die tomorrow, I would die happy person.
Reading this article was a great way to start my day. What you said is so true. We many times don’t appreciate what we have. I know the most important thing in my life is my family. I may have mentioned this to you before. Due to hurricane we lost everything home and a whole bunch of stuff in that house. But I realized the most important thing we had was our lives. All the other things were replaceable. After that experience it maybe realize what was important. Enjoying life not chasing after that next thing because it can all go away quickly.
Have a great day
I still can’t believe you experienced that – what an incredible way to appreciate life indeed, man. I’m not sure if you have or not already, but I’m sure you’re readers would love to hear that story and your takeaways as well. It’s an amazing thing to live through!
What a great reminder to start the day. I’m also content with what I have. It helps to stay focused on my life, not chasing the lives of others or comparing myself to what other people have. Just be grateful…. everyday.
Indeed a Happy Friday! Just had an incredible busy week with the family and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Don’t talk like that, young man!! We want you to live a long and prosperous life. :-) You’re so right, though. Gratefulness seems to be a bit of a rare commodity these days, but we all are SO blessed just to wake up every day and to have food to eat and a roof over our heads. And realizing that makes life that much better. :-)
I definitely get those moments when I’m walking down the street sometimes too. NYC can be so overwhelming- but when you take that step back every so often and drink it in and realize “holy crap, I’m here”- it’s a pretty powerful thing.
One of my experiences happened while strolling down the streets of NYC too – much more magical there than in most places I’d agree :)
Ahhh…I like the emotional side of J. Money! I have actually done the same thing myself, where I turn to my hubby and tell him if I were to go tomorrow, I would go a happy woman. I say that as an affirmation to myself, but also as an affirmation to my hubby that he knows that I appreciate him and the life we have built together.
I didn’t think your post was mushy at all until you said it. I think this post reflects your fulfillment with your life, which is powerful. I felt it as a reader and I’d bet others will, too. Not only is it a contagious attitude, but it makes me reflect on my life. And while I’m content, I’m still working toward my financial and career goals. Without that reflection, though, I might be headed in the wrong direction. If you haven’t read John Maxwell’s 15 Invaluable Laws Of Growth, I highly recommend it. Have a great weekend!
Well I’m glad you enjoyed it and appreciate you taking the time to stop and share your thoughts :) Also that book recommendation – hadn’t heard it before but will add it to my list. Thanks!
You and are of the same mindset when it comes to what it means to have enough. God forbid, if today was your last day on earth…wait a minute you can’t go yet! What about our Wednesday appt next week! ;)
Haha… so far so good – I’m still here and it’s Saturday night! :)
Love this post and couldn’t agree more!
This post made me smile :)
the icon of you smiling on the right makes me smile :)
Those 15 seconds were intense. Point proven.
Great post. One of my colleagues said essentially the exact same thing to me yesterday. We were having a little complain-fest about the bureaucracy of university administration, and then he just said “but, when I feel like this, I just remember I have a good job that allows me to pay the bills, and I have a lovely family at home”. Bam, rant-fest done :) We just need to acknowledge it rather than be annoyed with the small things. I love the idea of properly relishing – I am very bad at doing this.
Great post! My perspective on life changed a lot when my good friend passed away at 40 from colon cancer a few years ago. What was incredibly difficult was that it wasn’t like the movies where you saw someone at peace and they passed on peacefully. When I saw her several days before she died, she was sobbing and incredibly upset that she knew her time was soon. I can’t even begin to tell you how difficult that was to watch. I had no words. I think for me that is why gratitude is important even if things aren’t going great. I want to feel satisfied with the now in case something ever does happen…i.e. for my friend ad family to know how much I love them, to not hold unnecessary grudges, to appreciate the “stuff I have,” etc. There does always seem to be a fine line between being OK wanting more (our goals) and taking in THIS moment and saying, “I’m happy with everything as it is right now.”
Just reading that scares the crap out of me and saddens me at the same time :( Cancer is no joke… saw a neighbor friend of mine today with a shaved head and turns out she just got cancer too out of the blue. And the only reason I know that is because my other neighbor told me so as she has cancer and they’re coping together… The only thing that frightens me is leaving my kids w/out a dad. I’d take alive and somewhat miserable but live to see/help my kids grow up than happy and die young. My 2 y/o locked himself in our house yesterday for an hour and it was one of the hardest things to deal with. Had to call the fire dept and everything and he was so calm and collected while mom and dad were freaking out… kids, man. Changes everything.
That is such a sad story! We have a cancer epidemic going on. I personally believe it is from stress, chemicals and many other impacts of our ‘modern’ culture. I highly recommend this book for everyone, but especially those with young children in their lives: “What’s Gotten Into Us: How to Live Healthy in a Toxic World”, by McKay Jenkins.
I think being in a place where you can have contentment, and an attitude of gratitude for what you’ve been given – despite everything not being “perfect” – is a great place to be!
Of all the “attitudes” we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is the most important and by far the most life-changing. – Zig Ziglar
Be grateful for what you have, and have a positive attitude despite what comes your way. You’ll be happier in the end!
You cannot tailor make your situation in life, but you can tailor make your attitudes to fit those situations. – Zig Ziglar
Dude, word.
Deep.
I loved this one.
I too think about life and how temporary it is.
Here’s a quote you might like.
“You’ve got to dance while the music is playing.”
Meaning: You’ve got to live while you are alive.
I forgot where I saw that. If I remember I’ll come back here and post it.
The truth is, we will all die along the way. We will all die on the path. We never really arrive.
But it’s a choice. Being happy with the journey so far is a choice.
There’s always more that could be had. That truth will never go away.
Be happy with what you do have.
-D
Oh man, ain’t that the truth… Always on the path towards something when you leave – never thought about it that way before.
Gratitude is so powerful! I love reading posts like this.
My husband and I recently came back from our honeymoon in Nepal and Indonesia and when we opened the door to our house, we both just stopped in the foyer in gratitude. I looked at him and said ‘holy crap, we live in a palace’. We wandered around the house marvelling at all of the luxuries we have, that we take so for granted. I especially kept shaking my head at the tap in our kitchen that we could turn on and would deliver seemingly unlimited amounts perfectly good, clean drinking water.
Gratitude makes you rich, that’s for sure.
Oh man, isn’t that crazy? And the sad part is we always forget and slip back into “normal land” after a while eh? Huge congrats on your wedding over there! What an exciting time! :)
On this sentiment, you may enjoy a great documentary called “I AM”, by Tom Shadyac. This is about a multi-million-dollar Hollywood producer who gave up his real mansions and ‘stuff’ to live a happier life!
I love you man. This was perfect and made me smile. Thanks for keeping it real. Stay sexy!
I love you too, sir. Been a fan of yours since first meeting :)
Six months after losing my dad unexpectedly, I find I’ve landed in this exact sort of headspace. When you reach middle age, you start to get a feel and sense of your own mortality. When you lose a parent unexpectedly in middle age (and especially when they didn’t a get a full life span of their own), you start to question the sanity of everyone running around like disorganized, chaotic ants in a maze.
You begin to understand that none of it matters. At all. The only things that truly matter, are the things you listed above.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” `Master Oogway ;-)
I’m sorry to hear about your father – I’d be lost with that :( So amazing you can appreciate and understand life as you do just 6 months later. Thanks for stopping and sharing this with us today – appreciate it.
This is great! I don’t even have anything to add because you said it all perfectly. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!! :)
If my husband said that to me I”d probably be freaked out too. But we’re so grateful for everything that is great that is happening in our lives and especially for having each other.
Haha love the mother budgeter site. I’ve actually been thinking a lot about this lately. I was just turned down for my dream job and was feeling pretty crappy. But as I took a step back, I realized that my life is pretty dang good. I’ve got all of the things you listed there (except just one boy bun in the oven and no nest egg), but even without the nest egg, I have everything I need and more than enough of what I want.
You’re gonna be such a good dad, man. And little boys are so much fun!
Great message and I think it’s something many of us need to remind ourselves sometimes. We are truly blessed with a lot things and there’s no need to continually chase after material goods hoping it’ll make us happier. Those highs are just temporary. Focus on all the things that truly bring joy to your life.
…so deeply grateful for my Mr.
Having good health for family is a blessing.
Aww this post is super sweet.
I leaned over last night and told my husband “How’d I get so lucky” : ) Turns out he was almost asleep — oops! He appreciated it anyways.
Hah!
Soooo, soooo, very true, J$! We are programmed to desire more, to never be satisfied. It’s hard to live in the moment when always looking toward that “one day when I have…” Even my prayers of thankfulness can feel rote at times. Stopping, really stopping, taking a breath and thinking about all that is wonderful and pure can make me well up. And my husband will tell you that my well runs deeps.. yeah, I’m a little hard core like you. Getting a little uncomfortable with words like “wonderful and pure.” lol :) Happy weekend!
There always needs to be one more emotional person in the relationship :)
Also – great SAT word with “rote!”
Thanks for this — and not just the fact that you linked to me. (Twice!) It’s one thing to have a middle-aged woman like me say things like this, but it’s another thing entirely for readers to listen to a peer talking about “enough.”
I got back at 12:30 a.m. from a trip to the East Coast. It had to be a frugal trip because, well, $36k a year now. But I was fortunate enough to see four relatives (rather go for a visit than a funeral) and then to have half a dozen business meetings in New York City. Used the Megabus to get there, stayed in a hostel and kept expenditures to an absolute minimum. I might also have been bumped by the airline either coming or going, since I was using a “buddy pass” given to me by a friend whose husband works for the airline.
Didn’t get bumped. Had to fly in the middle seat for two of the longest legs of the trip (Alaska to Philadelphia). But you know what? I was grateful as I could be. Without the frugal hacks I wouldn’t have been able to travel at all. I got there, I visited, I did the bidness stuff and I got home at minimal cost.
Here’s my one souvenir: Got in the line for the “Book of Mormon” ticket lottery, as I do every time I visit New York. Only this time I actually got chosen! I sat in the front row for $32. The guy behind me paid $500. :-)
Best of all: I came back home to a man whom I adore and who loves me right back. I have enough. Boy, do I.
Awww love that happy ending. As you know I’ve been enjoying your articles from the 1st time I read them back in 2008’ish area. Years before MSN would pull the rug out or before I even knew you could make a living off blogging/writing… I love that we’re both still out here doing it (and *our* way) throughout all the changes. We’re definitely blessed indeed, friend.
Being grateful for what you have goes a long way to being satisfied and happy.
Love this post and totally agree! :)
Always nice to have things put into perspective. So often we have what we need and should let go of all the mindless wants.
J$, if only it were possible to capture all the positivism in this post–and in your readers’ replies–and compress it into capsules, and distribute it freely at strategic points, say, the U.S. Congress, the Pentagon, the major news media, et al, what a wonderful world it would be. I thank God for the ability to keep trying to make it better and for positive influences like you. Keep up the good work, sound advice and inspirational words:).
An interesting comment to say the least :) Glad you enjoyed, my man.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Sometimes it’s nice to lighten it up and read a mushy post :) I definitely think that since I consciously decided to stick to a budget and spend less, the greatest side effect has been an increase in overall appreciation for all the amazing people and things I love in my life. I never would’ve have predicted it, but it’s the best result EVER.
That’s a helluva testimonial for budgets! Maybe I need to make my tagline that :)
Once I started to focus on what I have, rather than what I don’t have, my life changed. I started to practice gratitude over complaining. I was in therapy for years over this. The answer was there, but I had to find it on my own. But I’m so glad I did. Great post, friend.
I try to follow the mindset of being happy right now, where I’m at. I always tend to want that one more thing before I’m happy though. I suppose it’s human nature, but I’m trying to change it! Great post, J!
The “one more thing” is a hard one to break – for me too often times – but at least it’s better than “100 more things” eh? :) Doesn’t take much to get me excited, haha…
Great post!!!!! Americans don’t realize how good we have it here. With the flick of the wrist, we have clean drinking water (thanks to cheap energy sources). In some parts of the world, children need to skip school to walk 6 miles a day to gather drinking water that isn’t always clean and is sometimes ‘guarded’ by crocodiles. Life evolved over millions of years without fossil fuels and cable TV, but we can’t survive without water.
We really need to teach our children to appreciate simple living if they are going to have a healthy, happy and prosperous world.
You may enjoy this internet story that I quoted in this blog post: http://greengirlsuccess.com/2014/07/22/enough/
Another similar post with a great excerpt is here: http://greengirlsuccess.com/2014/09/10/are-you-too-comfortable-lessons-from-nomadic-traveling/
All great things to think about – no doubt.
Will check out your posts in a few :)
Great post! It’s amazing information about having enough. If you are contented on what you have right now then you have enough. It is very important that you know how to be contented on everything. Too much is not so good. I learned and many insights here. Thanks for sharing this article.
Great post! It is awesome to see how the people can come so far from where they have started. I look forward to getting to the point you are, while valuing the experiences that happen along the way.
This is perfect. Just what I needed! I’m having a tough time with money right now, but only because I perceive it as tough. I could have it way worse. I’ve got my sweet husband napping by my side and my cuddly dog nearby. Life ain’t so bad. Time to put the tablet down and enjoy their company. Thank you for the reminder to be grateful.
YAYYY there you go!
Lol what a thing to tell your wife even if it is true! I hope you don’t do it right before she’s about to fall asleep to jolt her awake:P
I’m pretty happy with my life and what I have. All my needs are fulfilled. I’m still working towards a lot of goals but no rush at all. No kids yet though! That’s one goal coming up.
Oh wow I think you’re getting soft in your old age :)
But this is actually really good, and an important message. While we’re always hustling for more and working on our ‘staches, gotta take a moment to appreciate all we already have.
I get an automated email every night that’s tied to a Google form that asks what I got done that day and what I’m grateful for. When I’m down I can read through the hundreds of entries and realize I’m making progress and all things considered, life’s not so bad :)
Cheers,
Nick
That’s a hell of an idea, I like that sir :)
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
– Cicero
Okay, i started reading your blog last week since Republic Wireless shared that 7 things article, and posts like this are the reason I continue to read. Money is all well and good, but it isn’t happiness, and you get that. You seem very self aware and understanding that priorities are different for different people and that priorities change. I’m loving your advice. (also this gives me something to do when i’m sitting bored on the night shift and motivates me to keep up with good spending habits)
Hah – awesome! Thanks so much for letting me know – it’s notes like this that KEEP ME continuing with the blog! Without feedback it would be like talking (writing?) to a wall :)
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. It’s taken me a while to really *understand* money, and now that it’s sunk in I see the whole world different. And hopefully you guys start doing so too! It’s amazing once you “figure it out.”